I Need Help/advice Re: Ex-therapist

[JH11]

I'm new here, a 34 yr old mom to 3 kids.


In 2009 began seeing someone for counseling and then in Feb. 2010 I was admitted to the hospital as I was awaiting back surgery. The entire 3 months I was in there, she came daily with her daughter (who was/is the same age as me) and I quickly drew away from my family.

Long story short, I ended up staying with them after my surgery and have been with them ever since. Within a few months I got a tattoo with her daughter, then I changed my name to take their last name about 8 months after "moving in".

I feel like I was dead in my skin, now looking back. I could never call her "mom" even though she called me her daughter and her daughter called me her sister.

I got in to an awesome counselor in the fall of 2011 and FINALLY a year ago I began talking about the feelings about the dynamics here. (They feel controlling and I have conformed to them completely)

Fast forward to April 2013, I began breaking away emotionally and physically FINALLY improved greatly.

They both "need" me to NEED them and I stopped doing that, and got much better as months went by.

In October 2013 I emailed her (I'll call her T, since she was my therapist for a few months prior to all of this) and told her I couldn't carry the daughter and sister roles anymore as I was working through my own issues in counseling etc.

Then everything went downhill from there as they both just ignore my kids and I now (we are at this point in the same house) and her daughter is obviously discontent with me for "dissolving" the family as she puts it.

Last week I emailed them both (I cant talk to them face to face, I dont get anywhere because neither of them will ever admit they are wrong) and said the kids and I cannot keep living with them and so I would like to stay in the house and have them move out, but if they don't wish to move then I will.


My question/dilemma is this: Altho I don't want to be vindictive etc the truth is I have now spend hours upon hours in counseling unraveling my mind from the corruption caused by the dynamics here. Now I am afraid I will have to move and I think it's best for my kids to stay here.

I'm pretty sure she breached her ethics way back in 2010 and NONE of this should have happened.


I made contact back with my family just before Christmas and they all think I was controlled by her etc which I'm not disagreeing with. It has just been a really screwed up situation because she wanted me to be her daughter and her daughters sister.

I'm in the process of also legally changing my name BACK to what it was prior to 2011.


Anyone have any helpful suggestions for me or direction? I am in counseling currently and she is worth the $100/hour but the fact that I have now spend thousands because of the person who USED to be my T....there must be something I can do to get help with this??

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
Do you have PTSD as I'm not sure how PTSD fits into all this?

 

[JH11]

Sorry,

Yes- I have PTSD.

 

[JH11]

I guess I should also have added that the "mother" relationship she was trying to create and put on me was causing me repeatedly to become suicidal. But, she would tell me I was "pushing her away" or "rejecting" her /the family etc. So if I sound scattered, I am.

 

[Lost Pup]

The behavior you are relaying is so far out of bounds that I would definitely suggest reporting this "counselor" to the appropriate state board (assuming she is licensed) and, if possible to do without incurring more damage for yourself, suing her for emotional damages.

 

[JH11]

Thanks Lost Pup, that's what I have been repeatedly told by friends in my life...It was in October when I emailed her saying I could NOT do the "family" dynamic anymore as it was just too unsafe for me. They have stopped all contact, virtually, with the kids and I and I just need to be NOT living in the same house as them anymore.

I was so lost/drowned in it all that I couldn't even see I had completely conformed to what they wanted/how they wanted me to be.


Their need to be needed created me to be an incapable person for a couple of years until last Spring when I had a breakthrough physically and emotionally broke away from being closely connected (emeshed?) to them. I'm afraid I would have been completely wheelchair bound by now had I not finally stood up against it all.


It's actually quite scary how much I "changed" just to keep them happy etc. Her daughter had said "You treat your friends better than you treat me and im supposed to be your sister" and so for months I felt like I shouldn't socialize a whole lot etc etc, I had no relationship really on any level with her daughter after last Spring when I started breaking away.

I live in Canada and I know I need some help with this because I did trust her in the beginning to have my best interest at heart but instead I feel like, she for some reason, thought God placed me in her family.



I could go on and on about other stuff but I think I've painted the picture. I am grateful to be back in touch with my family and my OWN mom..

 

[Lost Pup]

I would recommend blocking their email and phone numbers and keeping a detailed log of any contact you do have with them.

 

[JH11]

Yes, we are still living in the same house as I am waiting for her to tell me whether she is moving or I am moving.


It would be much easier for her and her daughter to move as I have 3 kids. I hope she makes the right choice in the next week and tells me that's what they're doing, because if I have to uproot my kids and move- that's one more "casualty" from her decision to ignore her ethics as a therapist.

I'm trying to be as sane about all of this as possible, but I will keep track of any contact that I do have from here on in even while living in the same house. Thankfully, their rooms are downstairs and so I don't see much of them at this point. Still- I need to be living separately for my own emotional well-being.

 

[Abstract]

Her behaviour is terribly unprofessional and again it shows what terrible damage can result. Visiting you every day in hospital with her daughter - what was that all about? And then it got progressively worse.

I have no idea about the legal and financial aspect of this. I am assuming this is rental property and you would just take over the lease if they move out?

 

[Lost Pup]

Did this person ever put you under hypnosis or do any other sort of therapies which would've allowed her to manipulate your suggestibility?

 

[bitterfight_]

I had a counsellor exactly like this a few years back that caused me tons of emotional damage like what she has done to you. I'm so sorry to hear about the baggage she brought to your life, and I hope you can find a way to sever ties with this woman. Sending good vibes your way.

 

[JH11]

Not that I know of, except her inability to ever admit being wrong made it so that I never argued or suggested otherwise.

It seems like she suggested things and then it became real, for whatever reason, in my own mind. Like she wanted me to believe my family would hospitalize me if I reconnected with them...I was terrified that would happen so I never wanted to take the chance.

I'd gone through the hospitals/medications from the age of 13 and was diagnosed with bipolar. In 2009 I was told I was MISDIAGNOSED but the fear of being put back in the hospital still weighted heavy on my mind.


Sorry if this doesn't seem directly connected to the issue of PTSD, I saw that it was the "therapy" section and because I have severe PTSD, I am seeking some support with this.