I Need Help With Flashbacks Please...

[scared and confused]

Many years ago when I was 12 a "friend" same age, invited me to her house for a sleepover. I went and her 19 year old footballer brother raped me, I was a virgin, I never sought help for it.

When I was 19 my partner bashed and held me prisoner in our house for 2 days all the while he bashed and raped me, I thought I was dead. I was so badly beaten that I feared he only had one option left and that was to kill me. He had gone too far to turn back. I ended up begging and begging him for my life. I told him I would never tell that he did it. We knew there would be questions due to the severity of my assault. I had 3 subdural heamatomas and a fractured skull by the time he was done. Not to mention all the other bruises and marks that he left. He let me live and I kept my promise and never reported him.

Then the next traumatic that happened was due to an ex friend lying to DOCS, my only daughter was stolen from me. Police came and capsicum sprayed me and took her away. Someone rang and lied and said I was going to kill my daughter and myself by driving off a cliff!! I returned from shopping at coles to find them all at my house. It was a blatent lie, I had just completed 300 bucks worth of shooping and had it in the car when they came, do you buy groceries if you are killing yourself???

I have been charged with assaulting police in line of duty as I threw some beads at him when he told me my daughter is going to a safe and loving home. I lost it. She was returned 5 days later by a court who saw it for what it was luckily.

Having my child stolen like that was just awful.

There is more but thats my main woes for now. Feels good to get it out!

Thanks for listening to me everyone.

 

[scared and confused]

So today I had a flashback. It was sooo vivid while it was happening but when it was over I forgot what it was about. I have had about 5 of these since I was 20.

Are these PTSD flashbacks. Its like im watching myself but I cant stop it.

I feel gutted, empty, lost and alone.

 

[scared and confused]

I guess this is not the site for me...I thought I could get support or help here and no-one is bothering..story of my life...I will deal with it myself...

 

[bitzer]

I'm listening.

 

[Red Feather]

I thought I could get support or help here and no-one is bothering..story of my life...I will deal with it myself...

scared and confused, I hope you don't think nobody is listening. :( It might be just that there was not a particular question addressed, for the category you wrote in.

That really sounds absolutely horrible what you went through!

Would you consider having your thread moved to the Trauma Diaries section? Are you getting treatment? Do you have a therapist? I would definetely go to a doctor and tell them your symptoms. It could have been a flashback, but looking at yourself from a distance and the forgetfulness sounds like a very strong dissociative state to me. But since nobody here is qualified to tell you what is happening getting help from a doctor and therapist is absolutely necessary. Hope this helps.

 

[scared and confused]

No, no, no, and no. I have no-one yet. I dont even have any friends as im too paraniod to make any now. Thanks Nadia.

I guess I put in the this part because of the flashbacks? Trauma Diaries? Im not real good on the computer. And I am already getting letters because i am not using spell check or propper grammer. I read rules and regulations but I was scared and in a hurry to find help. Im scared to go to a DR. I've been abused by them before.

 

[Red Feather]

I'm sorry. I know it can be really hard to start looking for help. But it is a really big and important step. I am glad that you have found this forum. That is already really great.

Please do not think nobody is listening. I am pretty sure that is not the case. The people here are real supportive and helpful. It maybe just that it wasn't clear what you are asking. And also the placement of your post might have been confusing. But I am not a moderator so I don't really know anything actually.

Flashbacks are really really scary. I don't get them very much, but the ones I got freaked me sooooooo much. I can understand why you are feeling "scared and confused."

Wishing you lots of strength and I hope you get the support you are looking for.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

 

[Ice_Fire]

Scared and confused- don't go just yet, you've only just got here! It's not unusual for it to take a while for people to say hello; there's so much we're all dealing with, but please remember that you're not alone, not anymore.

Flashbacks are truly horrible and frightening and make you feel like crap. I'm sorry you're also struggling with this.

As Nadia said, I'm also wishing lots of strength your way!!!

(((((((HUG)))))))

 

[scared and confused]

Im so sick of crying. Am i holucinating? I cant find spell check on google chrome? hallucinating..Or are they flash backs. I dont use drugs.

Im sorry for being inpatient. I dont do forums. Sorry..Ill wait and talk to you lovely people for a bit. Thanks.

I have to take my daughter to school and I will be right back.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Aww S&C...honestly I don't know. :( I can't tell from here.

But I can empathize and offer my support (although it might not be much use unfortunately) We're here to listen. Although I must stress that you need to find help in 'real life' also. It's a challenge, but worth it. You are worth it.

Apologies if you don't like cats...but I thought you might appreciate a cute cyber hug :)

 

[scared and confused]

Thanks...I do like Cats...I like all animals.. I find it hard to get support as dont know where to ook or to look for yet..I have just basically admitted to myself that this IS going to keep happening if i do not sort it out if I can. So I am in the early stages i guess..

 

[Deleted member 14359]

S&C

I truly believe that posting on here is one of your first step to healing. Trusting someone is difficult, I get that but you must seek help. If going to the DR is not for you, do you have a local charity/voluntary organisation close by that can offer you therapy?

I had several choises...through work - not good, everybody knows everybody...NHS - too formal and clinical....private therapy - have to go through husbands work, so not good either...voluntary organisation - best for me and dont regret it one bit. They are great.

Please try and find the inner strength to trust someone, as hard as it is.

:)