I Need Support And Validation

[Deleted member 12723]

Last week my oldest granddaughter ran away from home. When she got home I asked her if her mom had cut her while she was drunk and did the boyfriend hold a gun to her head when she was suicidal, and she said yes.

I called the police and turned the both of them in and she denied anything had happened so my daughter feels I betrayed her trust and I am now cut off from seeing the girls.

With my head I know I did the right thing and my heart is broken. I know that eventually after the girls turn eighteen they will see me again.

I know that I did the right thing and it failed miserably because it means that they silenced her.

I am plagued with self doubts and what ifs and trying to get a handle on it.

Please if you have validation or support give it to me to hang onto. Thank you for reading.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Hi @gizmo

I get the feeling there are other threads about this that I haven't read, so really sorry if this has already been covered.

If you know you did the right thing, then hold on to that. You acted out of love and concern, and that is the best anyone can hope for.

Are there are other people/groups you can go to? I don't really know how it all works to be honest. Can you contact the school to see if they have noticed anything? What about child protection services or charities?

Your granddaughter will know that you tried to protect her, and that will be very important to her, so don't give up on her just because your daughter has stopped contact.

 

[Spiderallis]

aww @gizmo let me hug you for an hour or two. I know those girls mean more to you than pretty much anything. It's horrible seeing someone we love hurting and I know how hard it sometimes is to do the right thing, but you did. Having known some runaways in the past, she'll probably try again within the next few months. Keep calling CPS until they get sick of the sound of your voice. If you're comfortable messaging me with the info, I'll call them three times a day every day until your girls are safe.

 

[shimmerz]

OMG what a difficult situation to be in. @gizmo, so many loving hugs to you. At the end of the day, with situations like this, you have to do whatever feels right. You had no choice in telling. That is what decent people do. And you are far and beyond decent.

Your granddaughter has had to pick sides. And it isn't the healthy side, I am afraid. One day she will grow a voice. She knows on deeper level that you did the right thing. It sounds to me like her own survival is ruling right now. There isn't much logic in survival thinking, as we all know.

I honor what you have done as being caring, loving and protective. The system, however, doesn't always back us up. I wish I had had you around to help and listen, and show concern when I was younger. Bless you. May your journey get easier is a short amount of time, my friend.

 

[The Albatross]

Family counseling or back to counseling for yourself Giz?

However this plays out, you acted in accord to your own conscience.

Ez though is clearly troubled as she is involved with drugs. The whole picture is dysfunctional, including your granddaughter.

 

[The Albatross]

Speaking as a troubled teen myself, I'd have lied too to hide the drug use.

 

[scout86]

Your granddaughter denied anything happened? That makes it especially rough. I can understand why she might do that, though.

What YOU did was absolutely the right thing and quite heroic. There's a bunch of us out here who would have been grateful to have had a grandma do something like that. Although, in the middle of such a situation, it's a scary and confusing thing for a kid.

I don't know what other options you've got. But, this is now on record. If anything else comes up down the road, I would think that would count for something.

Here's something I think of now and then. Our actions in this world are like the waves you get when you throw a stone into water. You never know how far they'll go or what their impact will be. All we can ever do is the best we know how in the moment, and hope for the best. You've done the best you could in the moment.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @shimmerz I really appreciate the feedback and I can never thank you enough. Your kindness to me is so greatly appreciated at this time. It means so much to me. I did do the right thing and you are right on the mark. My granddaughter is going to have survive on her survival skills.

@The Albatross I have to make the call and see if I can afford it. I think they only offer six sessions due to the kind of medidal insurance that I have and it will be expensive, but I think you are right on the mark.

 

[The Albatross]

It is clear that you care about your daughter and granddaughters... whether it pans out or not it is/would be a proactive response based on the desire for continued relationship I think Giz.

 

[shimmerz]

I am still trying to get a grip on the extreme family dysfunction that surrounds me Giz. There is very little rhyme or reason to it. I like Scout's take on it. We sometimes look at immediate reaction as being true. Sometimes I don't get stuff for years down the road. That would be your granddaughters job.... to seek the answers for herself. Much love to you and your family.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @scout86 I liked your rock in the water analogy. I understand why she denied it she has to survive with them. In two years I will see her again because she will turn eighteen years ol.

What you said really helped me and I will hang onto that.

 

[TXbandit]

I am so sorry this happened to you both. Big hugs for you, hun. You did the right thing. Try to stay positive. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: I wish I could fix the situation for you. Hang in there.