Supporter - I Need Support Please

[tryingtobalance]

Hi there. I stumbled on this forum while searching the internet on how to best support/understand my isolating combat vet with PTSD who self medicates and refuses to access or receive any professional treatment/help.

We have been dating for almost a year and a half; he is 50% disabled with PTSD and while open about it he self-medicates heavily to curb the anxiety. We have had numerous bumps in the road along the way related to his PTSD, but the current situation is he has decided to go back to his own apartment after basically living at my house for the last year, because he needs time and space. I know this is a very common thing for PTSD sufferers, but it's not common for me as a supporter and I'm at a loss for the best way to deal with what's going on. I'm feeling hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, disconnected and confused. There are many other layers to things, but they all stem from the PTSD. I work in the social services field and have a Master's Degree in Psychology and have read soooooo many things about PTSD to become as familiar as possible with the challenges and I still feel like I'm failing or that the climb is always uphill.
He is not violent or abusive to me in anyway at all, ever! He has a beautiful heart and is extremely intelligent but his suffering is deep.
I am thankful to be here and hope to gain some more insight and understanding. Maybe as some point, when we are in contact again, I can suggest my bf join the forum to feel more supported too!

 

[Chem Lady]

I'm sorry your boyfriend is self-medicating. I don't have a lot of good advice for you about that because it is something I've never done. I've always worked very hard NOT to be on any drugs if I can help it. Other than being there if he needs you, I'm not sure how much you can do or how much you are responsible for his choices. He really needs to be the one who choses to go for therapy and get help. For me, the anxiety only really lessened when I went and dealt with the things that caused my PTSD. I still struggle with anxiety from time to time, but it used to be every second of every day. I just had to go face my demons and jump into the pit before I could climb back out again. But, even if you forced him to go to therapy, it would be useless to him if he didn't want to go. The person in it has to want to do something about it.
As a person with PTSD, I'd like to say that it's great that you are trying so hard to be supportive and to understand what your boyfriend is going through. I don't have a single person in my life who has bothered to look into what this must be like for me. Even though I'm sure it's very hard for you and it seems as though you feel lost right now, keep being an empathetic person. The world needs them.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome, ttb! I'm glad you found us. I'm a sufferer, but I can't imagine how difficult this must be from the supporter's perspective. I think your partner is very fortunate to have you in his life.

There is a wealth of information here for you to browse, and feel free, as well, to drop by the chat room. It's a great place to learn or to blow off some steam. :hug: if you accept.

 

[Bloomy]

I dont have any advice or anything. I just want to say I grateful to hear that you see a person with ptsd as a person with beatiful heart and intelligence. Hoping one day some one will see me also for all I am despite the traumas Ive subcomed.

 

[tryingtobalance]

Welcome, ttb! I'm glad you found us. I'm a sufferer, but I can't imagine how difficult this must be...

Thank you! It is very easy to feel isolated, disconnected and alone when my guy can't/won't express what is going on for him. I know I'm not alone in this forum, but in the rest of my world, I feel very much so! This space is a welcome relief for what can feel like a daily battle.

 

[tryingtobalance]

I dont have any advice or anything. I just want to say I grateful to hear that you see a person with pts...

PTSD is an injury. My bf isn't defined by his injury, but it causes him and I a lot of pain, and trying to figure out how to soothe it can be so hard! I love him for all that he is, not what he isn't. Someone will see that in you someday too.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I dont have any advice or anything. I just want to say I grateful to hear that you see a person with pts...

I know it's not what you meant, but I'm sure everyone here who has ever spoken with you feels that way about you, bloomy! :hug:

 

[Bloomy]

Talking to me @Mal Content :ninja: ? Oh Im really not good to take such nice compliment :barefoot: But thank you so much for thinking so nicely of me :hug:

 

[Bloomy]

@tryingtobalance thanks so much for calling it an injury by the way. Didnt think of it as such before since its often labeled as mental illness or illness or deslike, but it is actually very accurate to call it an injury.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. I'm a supporter trying to make my marriage work. Your doing the right thing giving him space.

Now comes the crazy part. Take this time for you. "Yes, you need to put yourself first. We see the kind,loving,caring and strong person our sufferers are. But to be able to support them, we have to be good within ourselfs.

I won't lie, it's hard at times. There's good days and bad day. Sometimes it feels like your just walking uphill, but knowing the person you love is at the top,is so worth the burn.

I hope you read some posts. You can learn a lot here, on both sides of PTSD. :hug: if you except.

 

[intothelight]

@tryingtobalance Welcome! :)

This is a great place to find other people who are facing similar struggles and to get the support you need.

 

[tryingtobalance]

Welcome to the forum. I'm a supporter trying to make my marriage work. Your doing the right thing giving...

@Mytime thank you for those very wise words. A younger, weaker me would have been entirely lost, wrecked and reduced to a puddle of a person; however I realize that this isn't about me, and focusing on him only makes it harder for him. The abruptness of his leaving, and him not telling me he needed space was the hardest part and the most confusing. He has reached out (after two days) and asked to take me to dinner at the end of the week, which of course I said, yes! Knowing I can come to this forum and hear from others who struggle in the same ways is something that has helped even in the course of 24 hours. This journey isn't one that people can really wrap their brains and hearts around unless they are in it! Thank you for being in it with me.
@intothelight Thank you for reaching out to welcome me! The simplest of gestures is comforting when times are challenging.