I Never Wanted To Be At Uni

[Ice_Fire]

Says it all in the title. Yet here I am, following blindly like all the other sheep, forced by the adults in my life to do something I hate because it gives me 'better opportunities'. Yeah, as long as I'm still alive to grab said opportunities. Also, if the economy picks up, if my head doesn't render me on disability anyway. I don't see the point, I don't have any career in mind. I hate the work, I hate the lecturers who's heads are so far up their academic backsides they don't understand how the real world operates. I hate the stress, the financial instability, the difficulty and inaccessibility of academic support. It being sh*t 'prepares me for the working world' according to someone who's opinion I usually highly value.

Honestly, if it's a toss up between feeling stupid regarding the work, stupid because of my opinion about it and disheartened by the future...OR...quitting and trying my luck...OR just ending it because there's no point to being alive anyway (seriously, can you think of a reason?!) then well, the second two are looking better than the first.

But I'm sure a good chunk of the people here will give the same old spew about a degree being worth it and the fact I can do it means I ought to because it's better than being on the minimum wage. I have no intention of being on the minimum wage, I know I'm better than that. I just don't think a degree is the right or best way of getting there. And nobody is listening to that!

Feel invisible and invalidated...again.

 

[digger]

It's your life @Ice_Fire, your decision. I'm sorry you're feeling under pressure and invalidated by other people.

I went to Uni for the 'wrong' reasons. Because it was expected of me. Because it was an escape route. I dropped out - not saying that led to the 'right' path either for me, or that it would be the right one for you, but I don't think degrees are the be all and end all and there are definitely other ways to get places.

You've had enough of your life and choices taken from you already. Just wanted to say I'm backing you doing what you need and want to do for you and being the one to make those choices - (unless it's option three - I'm not backing that one.)

 

[Lucycat]

But I'm sure a good chunk of the people here will give the same old spew about a degree being worth it

Never!
You are worth it - not the degree - I mean a happy life. If uni is not the right path then that is fair enough. I know plenty of people who stuck it out but never used the degree. Perhaps there is some careers counsellor person that you could speak to, to look at all the career options without continuing your studies. Is there even a means of 'banking' the credits that you have gained so far?

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks guys. I barely had the guts to read the responses as I've had two very hurtful rants from people I thought I could trust to voice my opinions to. More or less along the lines of 'you don't know how lucky you are to be at uni and moaning about it is an unacceptable thing to do.' I wanna do something stupid so bad right now

 

[Hashi]

I went to uni straight from school and hated it. I was pressured into staying, and in the end I failed my degree anyway. I then started working and that was so much better for me.

I started with very junior jobs but worked hard and got trained and promoted, rather than starting at a higher level because of having a degree. This is a possibility in all sorts of areas. In retail for example if you have potential and a good work ethic you can move quite quickly into management. It's also true of many office jobs, which can expand into specialties like event organisation, bookkeeping/accounts, marketing and so on.

I went back to university at the age of 27. At that point I was very motivated to study because I wanted to spend some time living in a country where you had to be a graduate to get a work permit. I also loved my subject and knew I wanted to study it. This time, instead of sitting in a lecture hall with 70 other students, I was in a small college where most of my classes had six people at the most - every lesson was like a personal tutorial. It was so different from the first time round. But if Ihadn't gone back at all that would have been OK too, because even now the job I'm doing doesn't require a degree and it's not the minimum wage.

I don't know what's best for you, @Ice_Fire but whatever you decide - stay on your course, change course, change college or stop studying altogether - I would support you and trust your judgement.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

It sounds like you know what you want. Some people take ages figuring out what they want. Or what they don't want.
I went into university, tried it, kept on trying, tried some more, but it did not make me a happy person.

“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman

I hope you can decide on what you want, and discover your own voice in life.

 

[Ice_Fire]

You're right I do know what I want. But it's not the right answer. It turns the people who are usually the most supportive of me into vicious tw*ts who attack my work ethic, attendence (try doing a degree with DID) and remind me that I'm in a position people would kill for. Well they wouldn't need to kill me for it, I can do that part myself.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Sounds horrible. What happens if you just go your way?
Would they cease supporting you, would that be really bad or can you live with it?

Maybe if you make it clear that you respect your own decision, they will come around.
People mostly respect it if you choose to be your self. Even if the respect goes buried beneath jealousy.

Do you think you could get support anywhere else?

 

[Hashi]

remind me that I'm in a position people would kill for.

No you're not. No-one would kill for being in a position to try doing a degree with PTSD and DID. A large number of people without either condition would quite happily skip university without any thoughts of killing too.

Are the people saying this people who didn't get the chance to go to uni? Why are they so invested in the idea? Are they worried about your future, and misguidedly thinking that if you leave uni everything will fall apart for you? If so, then they are sadly misunderstanding but perhaps establishing that could be a way forward?

 

[Ice_Fire]

They're both PTSD sufferers themselves (ironic much?!). Met them here actually, my 'adopted' (nominally) mum and her partner. Apparently I have no grounds to think I can leave uni because I'd be unable to hold down a job due to my head being f*cked.

 

[Hashi]

So they're worried about you, from genuine concern? Even if that's misguided?

Or are they false friends?

 

[Ice_Fire]

Yes, but also there's a lot of their own stuff mixed up in that. Still, at least I have now realised that their love and support will only be given if they agree with me. It's their stuff...I've just hit a couple of nerves...trying to breathe. For people who've read my trauma diary I think they've some nerve for criticising me for how much work I get done and how I have no right to be moaning about uni because I'm lucky.

Highlighted a good point though- if not uni, then what? I can't hold down a job, heck I can't even remember my own name and age a lot of the time. No point to the degree either then is there?! Not much point in anything...