I Quit

[Otusus]

My combat vet has finally done it. Two years I have been trying with him and I've gone through a lot but last night he hurt me to my core. He started telling me of a woman he met a few months back and he just talked to her and he told me last night he was going back to that state he met her at for Christmas (he owns a cabin there, he and his family are going). He said he didn't want her but he really liked her ass, eyes and smile. I know we find others attractive but why did he have to say that to me? I started crying it hurt so much and he said "why are you making yourself cry"..he said "but i want to be with you". I was dumbfounded that he asked me that and worded it that way. He said I didn't like hearing the truth but am I wrong here but I think respectfully there are some things a man just doesn't say to a woman he claims to want to be with? I'm not ugly, I have no self esteem issues but that chipped away at me and hurt me so much. He said those things to hurt me. I just think if a man cares about you then he wouldn't say stuff like that. Yet he called me this "psycho" as he said because I hung up and texted him I was done. Input please?

 

[Husufa]

If you are done, you are done.....your choice.

 

[Otusus]

Oh I'm done but he feels his behavior is appropriate and I disagree. Just curious on other opinions.

 

[Hivut]

Um....no I don't think it was appropriate for him to say things that way! It sounds very hurtful. Sorry you had to experience that. Sometimes when we are numb we don't understand why someone who actually feels their feelings gets upset because we have checked out and don't feel ourselves.

However even on the most basic level I am pretty sure most men know it is not a good idea to comment about another woman when they are in a relationship. Bad form in my opinion.

 

[Lasu]

I don't know you at all, but I can only imagine that you deserve much better treatment than this. I'm happy for you if you are done with him. That is completely out of line behavior IMO.

 

[Emos]

I had my PTSD sufferer boyfriend say something a bit similar to me. Like you, I got very upset and cried.

We hadn't been having sex much at the time. He said his mind was in the wrong place, plus his meds make it a bit difficult for him as well. Anyway, we were talking one day, and for some reason his ex gf came up (pretty sure I didn't bring her up!), and he started telling me all about his last relationship. He kept talking about how they were inseparable and they had sex every night (this was before the trauma, and I'm the first gf he's had since he was diagnosed). I don't see my guy every day, and we were barely having sex at all at the time, so I felt that that was a really insensitive comment to make. I tried to hold it in, but a little later I started crying. He asked why and I told him, and he seemed confused as to why I was upset. He gave me a hug and tried to comfort me, so that helped a bit. He tried to explain that it was a long time ago, before all the crap happened.

It occurred to me later that perhaps he was feeling awkward and embarrassed about us not having a very active sex life (he does seem preoccupied with me being satisfied with his 'performance' a lot of the time), and he was possibly trying to illustrate that he does like sex and that he is 'capable'. I could be wrong about that, but it would make sense, given everything I know about him. Obviously he went about it the wrong way - the last thing that anyone wants to hear from their partner is how much more sex they were having in their last relationship. He hasn't said anything like that since, so I think he realised that his comments were a major faux pas!

So I wondered whether your guy might have made his comments out of some misguided attempt to illustrate a point that was actually a good thing? Could he have been trying to point out that even though there are other nice-looking girls out there, he chose you over them? Sometimes guys are a bit hopeless about this kind of thing (sorry guys, but sometimes you are!).

 

[Newopo]

Mind you, the fact that he then called you a psycho when you reacted in a perfectly understandable way to his insensitive comments, is totally not acceptable...

 

[Iritu]

A guy CAN have PTSD and be a complete asshole at the same time. I've usually went off on girls like that when the survival instinct, as I like to call it, kicks in. Did you have a fight? When my PTSD is ticking, I feel like the entire world is against me.

 

[Otusus]

Yes we were in a heated fight. That was almost a week ago now. I haven't really talked to him since. I just think there are some things you don't say cause the after effect could be detrimental.

 

[Atepo]

I had a similar thing happen. Haven't heard much from my sufferer just occasional texts, looking for support (and being very appreciative of it the support btw) So the other day he posted a pic of a girl he took out in his truck! I went off! He then went off that's it's just a friend he's known longer than me etc etc. As he was going off on me texting, he threatened that he's through if I don't respond, then said he's "calling and pick up." Then told me to delete all contact with him. When we spoke he was a bit calmer but said he never said he wanted a relationship (not true and what have we been doing the past year) & mentioned his ex wife! I can't even remember how it ended. After we hung up he sent me pics of his room (a huge mess) so iI would know he's not lying about what a bad place he's in. And he said he hasn't showered in a week. Meanwhile he's driving some girl around and having minimal contact with me. This just can't go on like this. There's something wrong with me for staying as long as I did, and for hoping to hear from him again. I'm in as bad shape as him at this point. And I don't care what he says, it was hurtful and disrespectful and ptsd or not, there was no reason to do that. Of course id be upset.