I Realize That I

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I realize I'm pretty damaged, or at least my mind is pretty swirl-y. I think when bad things happen (truly), then even small things can come under the microscope. Or more accurately, be frightening, or I feel untrusting or closed off. I think it's like getting a very bad sunburn, then a day or 2 later it's even worse, then the least amount of even normal sun hurts and feels like- oh no.

I realize it's hard to conceptualize or have faith things could get better, or I'll feel differently.

I think my amygdala is super-over-sensitive. 😟

ETA yet it came to me, I have got on track, or felt better before, got on-a-bit-of-a-roll. And not even that long ago, technically. It just feels like it was longer ago.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
i realize not having info to choose is making it tempting to choose nothing, and avoid. And maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing, maybe I don't really want to go or want to avoid, and that's meant to be and a good thing?
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I think I realize a lack of transparency is often in the hopes people look away, but it's like a neon arrow instead. Looking, they add 2+2, which is usually pretty obvious. And that is why it's the feeling, not of a red flag but then an evacuation order. But then, the lack of transparency usually is intended for a reason, it's not accidental. But it's a huge tell. That is what I think, or feel. That is where trust fractures. But then, I guess it should. You can't give someone the benefit of the doubt forever. JMHO though, fwiw (not much). I believe I saw a sign that said something like, ~trust is more about actions than words.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I think I realize I can't be the kind of person others would want or need me to be, nor even the person I myself would want to be. Not that it's ok, but I can't be someone I'm not. And I'm not finding much worthwhile about myself atm. But it's also nice to not be reminded of it, or let anyone down, or risk asking for help for my own needs if it goes unmet, or having hope.
 

Lionheart

MyPTSD Pro
I realize that even though I am uber-sensitive, empathic, and clairsentient, I do not always know what to say. Sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. However, that is a difficult one for me because I sincerely want to help people find healing, peace, comfort etc.
 
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