I Realize That I

[The Albatross]

Relate Britt. Spring is here in NW Florida and I am on the ropes. My body needs to rest, my day off is tomorrow and guess what? I'll be in my pj's with some self care, my hepa filter, a detox bath, and a good book.

Edited: Except for lunch with my 3D girlfriend whom I haven't even seen in over a month.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that I am really happy and thrilled and enjoying my newfound freedom from caring for my husband who had bad dementia. I miss the man I married, the way he was when he was in his right mind. I had not idea how exhausted and worn out I really was. I am still feeling worn out, it sure took its toll on me.

But I am so relieved not to carry that heavy load anymore. He was suffering and he hated being like that.

I am so happy about my newfound freedom. I can pretty much do what I want now and I was so people deprived for three years.

I realize how lucky I am to have a daughter who is also my best friend. We get along so well. We laugh and have so much fun around here. I am free. I do not feel the least bit guilty for enjoying my new freedom. I did the best I could for my husband when he was alive. But by the time he died, I think I hit rock bottom.

It has been a long journey to feel this way. I never thought about my freedom before. I treasure it so much.

 

[goingonhope]

I realize that my suffering overwhelming illness is not punishment for sin.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Goingonhope, that is a huge realization. I am so happy for you. You are such a wonderful person and have so many good gifts and qualities and deserve to live happily ever after. Big hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize the pain from ptsd is apart and additional to the pain of losses and trauma- that pain accompanies those things for everyone. The pain from ptsd is in addition to that. And though tied to traumas it's not the same pain of the traumas themself (which is inevitable). No wonder people think 'get over it'. That part we do, the ptsd we can't.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that my karma insurance is all paid up. I am living so happily now. Life is so good to me right now. I crawled out of a deep black hole and found bliss with my family.

 

[Zef]

I realize that not everyone is out to do me harm.

(just most of them. . .) ;)

 

[Britt.f7]

I realize that only I can save myself. I need help to do it, but it has to be my choice.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that I am aging and I get all kinds of aches and pains and weird things happening to my body. I found out yesterday that two of my medications make me gain weight. It is a double edged sword. I have gained so much weight but I am feeling so much better most of the time.

I have to start slow. I was starving today, but I did not eat. I will start walking a little bit at a time when I am feeling up to it. I hate being so overweight. I am having such a hard time buying clothes. I have never weighed so much before. Very depressing.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realize that I'm not always nice to myself. It happens so quickly and so easily that I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. Most people say "I'm tired I'll take a nap". Or like today I've had a headache all day. Instead of saying "I'll get rest" or "I'll take something for my headache" I decide to "suck it up" until it's over. I do that instead of showing myself enough courtesy to get rest or take something for my headache. I realize that's not nice.

I realize that if it was one of my kids or one of my friends I wouldn't tell them that they should "suck it up". So why do I say that to myself? I realize it probably has a lot to do with what I feel like I'm worth and what I feel like I deserve.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that I am finally healing from the death of my husband ten months ago. I realize that I am free to do so many things that I could not do for three years. I realize that I also have no guilt about feeling this good.

 

[roaminggnome]

I realize that I need to move out of this house to get better than I am.