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I Realize That I

I realize that I may always have PTSD but that doesn't make it a death sentence. When I look back, I have come a long way.

My quality of life is so much better that I wonder if non-sufferers have the same degree of inner peace that I have. Sure I get anxious about things, but the degree to which I get anxious has improved so much!!! ...and it keeps getting better.
 
I realise that I am constantly reacting as if about to go into battle. Savouring any respite and almost frantically resting as I always feel more trauma will come any minute. Moments of rest feel like they will my very last moments of rest.
 
It's not an easy one Abstract. I'm still kind of processing it but I think I get it. I hope it sticks. There's kind of an understanding. Like I logically can comprehend that. Now I feel like I need to completely believe it. I'm not quite at that point. But I can see there just might be a difference between what happened to me and whether or not I had anything to do with it.

I realize that I feel like I'm at a point where I'm pushing myself because I feel like I'm challenging distorted thoughts and part of me is pushing back to see what's on the other side.
 

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