I Realize That I

[Britt.f7]

I realize that I do feel better when I get dressed for the day, instead of just staying in my jammies. That I do feel better about myself when I get something done, even if it is seemingly minor.

 

[Abstract]

I realise that there is almost nothing stable inside me when it comes to preferences and almost everything else. I am a constant state of paradoxical being.

 

[ninja]

I realize that trust is not cerebral. I have to try and I have to do. There is not another way to gain it. I can't keep waiting for it to develop inside of me before trying, because it's not going to be there until I decide to take some risks.

 

[The Albatross]

I realize that I don't have as much of a problem with rage as I used to either. Been a "victim" of road rage three times this week, non-pulsed. I just thought, "There but for the grace of God went I" and carried on. Progress. I'm easing up on executing my agenda/wants/needs/desires over others. Things just aren't as immediate anymore in a good way.

 

[Abstract]

I realise that personal growth and self awareness are one the things I am able to gain out of living.

 

[macca]

I realise that I try to seek the approval of critical people. Never got my father's approval for anything at all. To him, I did nothing right, said nothing right, thought nothing right. Even when, as a child, I'd try to reflect his opinion as my own, try to say what he'd say - that backfired as well. I'm glad I noticed it about 11 or 12, that even that was backfiring, or I'd now not have any opinions of my own. But now I'm catching myself falling into this trap of trying to please critical people. And sometimes I get very, very angry with them. Next step - to stop falling for it.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I realize that I lie a lot. Not to my family or here or anything, but to people who I'm surface friends with.

I'm so ashamed of going from being so accompished and independent to a mess. So I constantly draw events from my past rather than admitting that some days I just can't bring myself to leave bed for more than food and that so many people and events scare me.

I want to be proud again. I should be - I've survived so much, but I would never just tell people all of that.

 

[Lionheart]

I realize that I may always be sensitive to criticism, but I don't have to take everything personally. I can admit when I am wrong or need help with something and just because someone says something about me doesn't automatically make it true.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realize that sometimes I choose to stay in the house and not do more activity type of things because there is so much stimulation in the world and pressure to look and be happy even when I don't feel happy. It's hard and sometimes tiring to try to stay grounded with people talking and bells ringing and the rush of life moving around me. It's as though my system is easily overstimulated sometimes. And like I actually have to focus and be mindful sometimes to not get overstimulated.

 

[Britt.f7]

I realize that I have multiple illnesses but not excuses.

 

[Abstract]

@Britt.f7 I notice how hard you on yourself. :( So many of us are aren't we? I don't think it's about excuses. It's about taking care of ourselves despite the real difficulties. Like good mothering. Good mothers set loving boundaries with their children. Because they love and care about them. It's about love and not shaming them.

Easy said and not easily done.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you Abstract. The first sentence brought tears to my eyes.

Yes, I think I should learn to take care of me the way I take care of others. I have a lot more patience and compassion for them. I have to learn to cut myself slack. Like you said, not easily done.