N
Natasha
I am in pain. I try to convince myself that the violence towards me in my childhood is not my fault. But for some reason I always get back in time and feel like I am responsible for this.
Sometimes I get angry at my parents and am ready to scream "why would you do that to me?? why did you make me believe it was my fault?? why couldn't you just be normal parents like everyone else??"
But after that I always get back to this feeling like I am the one to blame. Is it all my fault? Logic says "of course not, no child deserves being abused". But emotionally I am stuck in this feeling of guilt.
I cannot stop my inner critic from blaming me. I feel that he is much stronger than me. One time I almost killed myself, but got out of this. Now I feel that I am getting close to suicide again.
I feel weak, unworthy, full of pain and nothing else. I want to blame them for this, but I keep blaming myself.
Sometimes I get angry at my parents and am ready to scream "why would you do that to me?? why did you make me believe it was my fault?? why couldn't you just be normal parents like everyone else??"
But after that I always get back to this feeling like I am the one to blame. Is it all my fault? Logic says "of course not, no child deserves being abused". But emotionally I am stuck in this feeling of guilt.
I cannot stop my inner critic from blaming me. I feel that he is much stronger than me. One time I almost killed myself, but got out of this. Now I feel that I am getting close to suicide again.
I feel weak, unworthy, full of pain and nothing else. I want to blame them for this, but I keep blaming myself.