I Think I'm Done.

[Kimpersonal]

Glad to see you posted this morning ... how are you today Innordinate?

 

[Taven Carlsen]

PTSD is a liar.

I've been there. Part of the problem of severe emotional downturns is the feeling of certainty, certainty that it's a permanent downturn. Strange feeling.

 

[Innordinate]

(PS- I have found, that illness, physical pain, exhaustion etc, makes it worse too, don't discount that part. Please be kind to yourself.)
((((Hugs))))

I think this is why it seems to be piling up fast lately.

 

[Innordinate]

This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

:(

Why does it never feel like that.

thanks everyone for posting. I don't know how to show appreciation very well but I do.. appreciate. All of this.

 

[TLight]

I know. I've been done so many times to. Probably will be again.

Is there too much stress in your life right now? Need to get away from it, anyway you can. Employ all the resources you can find. Stay away from draining people. Be ultimately SELFISH. Take care of you and you alone, because that's all we are capable of sometimes,(most times).

Things do change. I prayed when I was at the end and suffering was unbearable. I was sent a man into my life who cares deeply, helps me, has financial resources, doesn't stress me (well sometimes!), and I GOT MY DISABILTY. Life is much more tolerable now, except the decades of incredable stress have definately taken a toll.

I know, I always prayed before, but never got anything, only more suffering. But I was so distrusting of everyone, that I isolated and had no help whatsoever. Now there are people who do help and I let them. When I'm drained, exhausted, triggered I just have to say the word and i can go hide, regroup, rest.

Hang in there. We are here.

 

[maelstrom]

Hey Innordinate, just want to see how you are doing today. I felt just the way you felt today, and it is terrible. I feel like I can't make it anymore with my depression (this is not even the ptsd part yet), and yes it feels like it can never pass. It is so hard to believe, "this too shall pass", when you are in the middle of it. I totally share your feelings. But I guess there's a reason for that phrase to exist. It really means something--"it shall pass"--wouldn't it be a stupid sentence if it's not saying anything? It is exactly meant for people like us. Other people don't need to hear it because it's nonsense. But it has meaning for us. It is to remind us that what we find hard to believe may turn out to be true. I know the feeling of losing faith every day, but we've got to give all we have before we really give up, right? So let's hang in there until there's really nothing left to try.

 

[Kimpersonal]

This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
.

Kidney stones pass too. Sometimes they pass with excruciating pain ... sweat ... tears ... and seem to take forever. There will be relief. When? None of us can say. But I hope relief comes to you ... and all of here ... SOON!!!

Did you want cheese on that double burger from the over-rated burger joint? I'm trying to shove it into the disk drive and send it to you. McAffee is telling me it detects malware. (This is my sad attempt to try to cheer you up. Sometimes ... knowing others are trying to send a bit of light ... helps in a small way for me).

 

[Tinyflame]

(Like KP said Innordinate, ..Taco Bell.. ? :) :tup:)

 

[Innordinate]

but we've got to give all we have before we really give up, right? So let's hang in there until there's really nothing left to try.

I'm running out of things to try.

Stabilized at a low now maybe. But I'm not holding out much hope anythings going to get better anytime soon.

I find myself even minimizing some of the good things that might have happened. And the last 2 days have been not so good.

Holding on out of guilt, the knowledge that I DON'T want my kids to have ptsd, and there's always that 'what if' in the back of my head. What if in 10 years I'm way better, can control this and start enjoying life? Start doing normal things? Take my kids to hockey games and stuff. What other parents do. What if.

But then what if it's not. What if I've completely screwed up my kids by then..............

If PTSD is a liar, then what am I? :ninja:

 

[Tinyflame]

A (very brave) person with ptsd who's trying not to feel this way, and the ptsd is telling you lies, is what I think.

Mine morphed from I'm done to I'm a burden to it's my responsibility to ensure I don't exist.

Everything you have said to me indicates the opposite of that being the truth, the love and care of your wife and children, friends, friends here.

If you can too Innrdinate, sleep and eat.

 

[Loveneverfails]

If PTSD is a liar, then what am I? :ninja:

The one who is going to take that lying SOB of a condition and make it beg for mercy.

Sometimes it might seem like making it through another day is no big accomplishment, but when you look at it from the perspective of what you AREN'T going to let your loved ones feel in your absence...that's a whole heck of a lot. Breathing may be easy to some people, for trauma victims it sometimes feels like a war.

There's really only one way to move forward, do the best you can. What if's will eat you alive and leave you far more tired than you were when you began. I know, I second guess myself too. But we've got to keep moving and have faith that we deserve the same things we watch other people have. Keep hope that if we do keep moving, that we will end up somewhere different. And hope too that even if we'll never be perfect, the people who love us will see the battle we've fought and be better people because they know we fought at all.

 

[Innordinate]

When you try and you try and you try and you try and you try and you try..... how many walls do you have to hit?

How many walls before it's okay to just, not go on.

How many times do you have to be at the same dead end wall, smashing yer head against the brick wall over and oover.

How many times do I have to be here before I can get better?!!!?!?!

'Cause I am done GOD! I AM f*ckING DONE!!!