General I Think My Husband's Job Is A Major Stressor

[discarded]

Do you think it would be good for a sufferer with military caused PTSD to work for Veterans Affairs? It has just really occurred to me that my (recently ex) husband's coping with his PTSD started to decline when he commenced employment with DVA. He has moved around to various sections within DVA, his latest position is Team Leader in Rehabilitation and Benefits. There has been lots of other stuff going on also but I am starting to think that where he is really is not helping.

He came home one day not that long ago telling me how he had spent a lot of the day on the phone with a depressed defence member who was considering suicide. He apparently handled the situation very well, being commended by the heirarchy at DVA for the actions he took and the way he spoke to the defence member. Needless to say he consumed many beers that night. In his daily job he has constant reminders of the hardships endured not only by older veterans for WWI, WW2 and Vietnam but also the more recent arenas soldiers have been deployed to, including himself. Surely this can't be in any way a suitable environment for him to be in.

He has been diagnosed and compensated for his PTSD through DVA. He deals with people every day who suffer similar stuff to himself, he advises them on what is available to help them. Then he comes home and pretends he is ok, that he doesn't have a problem, sits alone watching tv, downing anywhere from 6 to 10 beers until he finally falls asleep in the chair. He might stay like that for a few hours of what seems like restful sleep, but once he wakes it is most times impossible for him to settle again in bed.

I would not dare suggest his job might be too much, in fact at the moment I would not dare suggesting anything at all about anything. I hope now that I have left that I have at least alleviated one stressor, being me. Does anyone have an opinion on this topic?

 

[Bilby]

Interesting subject, discarded.

One thing I have read, is that sometimes sufferers tend to gravitate towards things that we as supporters may not think is such a good thing - such as an occupation in this situation - when in actual fact, it can be the sufferer's way of trying to face/deal with things - a kind of self-therapy if you will.

I know that my husband is involved in something (a voluntary position with a community organisation) which I'm not sure at times is necessarily a good thing but he feels that it is a way of him confronting some of his demons head-on.

I think that we can acknowledge that your husband is currently suffering a great deal (given what you have shared here on the forum) and whether or not his position at the DVA is proving toxic for him, or some kind of coping mechanism for him, is somewhat of an unknown, unfortunately.

That said, I can totally understand why you are concerned - absolutely. I do worry about my husband in this respect too, but I've tried to listen to what his theory is, and what has motivated him to take on board the voluntary position (which is quite demanding, too).

B x

 

[discarded]

Thanks for the input Bilby. I think sometimes he likes it as it is like still being defence force. He can relate well to the people he deals with and from what I hear he is very good at his job. Without it he would probably be a total basket case. It really is all he gets out of bed for. I have asked him if he thinks it stresses him out, on a good day he says no, on a bad day he says it is not the job, just the d###heads he works with. This is referring to their lack of Defence knowledge which results in them not approaching clients effectively or efficiently.

 

[Renee5624]

I too have a husband with a stressful job. I believe he likes it in some way because it is some kind of similar emotion, but I could be wrong. Suggesting that he think about another job only aggravates my husband, and he too shrugs it off like its not that big of a deal. I think he fails to realize that he blames his moods on work every day. It makes me question are his moods work stress related, PTSD, or the dangerous combination of both. Either way I have begun my own therapy to stay sane in the interim.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

HI, I am sad that you are dealing with this situation. My husband had a very stressful job and he refused to quit and go somewhere else. I am sure you make the home a safe haven for him. I am sorry you have to deal with this problem. I hope things improve for the both of you.

 

[Toria]

I have a bit of a personal theory about this, and that is that the more they can keep occupied with others' issues and problems that are not their own then the happier they are. The thing is, I'm not sure how far the scale can be tipped (so to speak) in someone else's direction before it all comes crashing down at the other end - does that make any sense at all?

 

[discarded]

Yes Toria, that makes perfect sense to me. I think he really does enjoy his job and he would work 24/7 if he could. It is when he gets home that he falls apart. I do think the day will come when all the stress will catch up with him and he will hopefully seek treatment.