I Think My Psychologist Dumped Me

[nomorechickenlittle]

We've been working together for a few years. Over the last year or so it's been harder to book an appt. He's either been booked or unable/unwilling to book me b/c he's unsure of which clients will be booking follow up appts .(he likes to keep a regular schedule with clients having appts on the same days whether they be weekly or bi-weekly) I've mentioned on numerous occasions that i feel like i have to beg for an appt to which he replies that he doesnt/didnt have anything. I havent called him on the fact that he doesnt have anything available b/c he wont book anything with me. It's kind of become apparent that i'm low on his list or not even on it. So i did stop the emotional calls expressing how much i needed an appt and the last one just said calmly that i would like to book an appt. He emailed back that he had nothing but would call me about next week at the end of the week. That was in november and he's never called. I've stopped calling/asking b/c honestly i cant take the rejection, the pain of feeling unimportant to someone. My pride is at full attention. I realize that he has limited appts and maybe i need to give others some time. (he is one of the rare ones that work on a sliding scale so he is in demand) Still it hurts really badly as he was the only one i could talk to and trust. Also hurts feeling dumped by someone who knows exactly who you are. he KNOWS me and he's walked. I already have issues and this certainly triggers them. Again it's that pride. I dont want to call, i've already called. He said he would call me back and he never did. He hasnt even checked to see how i am. It's been a painful grieving process that's for sure.

 

[watundah]

I believe if you have been working together for a few years, you deserve greater regard. It's not a matter of providing priority to someone else who may need it more - you need someone who can commit to you. You should be able to count on your therapist rather than hang in doubt and wonder. Maybe now is a good time to seek out someone who will be there for you, because something that we survivors really need to move forward is consistency and a rock solid relationship.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

It could that he just has too many patients and everyone is competing for an appt. That happens a lot in mental health. But it really does not matter what the reason is, if he is no longer there meeting your needs is probably better for your interests to find someone else.

 

[ladee]

I am so sorry. The last thing we need is to be treated as tho we are worthLESS. That is a huge trigger for me.

Please start looking for new support. You deserve to continue your healing journey with someone that invests and is commited as you are.

I personally would file a complaint. Not out of anger or retaliation..but for the people coming behind me.

You have done an awesome job of being able to hold on. Someone else may not be as far along as you are.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Please give yourself a lot of credit for moving forward in spite of this setback.

Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think this is obscenely unprofessional of your T. If he wants to end his relationship with you, he should do so in a professional matter, which I think entails setting some sort of finite number of following sessions (say, meeting three more times to wrap up the relationship and offer guidance moving forward) and giving references for other professionals who might be a good fit. If you've had a more or less regular schedule with him (I meet my T at the same time every other week on the same day), there is no excuse for "not having time." My T won't change my schedule unless she or I have a date we can't commit to, in which case we'll skip that and continue as usual two weeks later.

If this is how this T operates, it really might be best that you find another T who won't pull this sort of crap. My T sent me a lengthy contract of sorts, a therapist/patient agreement, which I had to read and sign, and it guards both of us from simply failing to book appointments in the event one of us wants to end our relationship.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

There it is, you have had 3 of us say the same thing, it does not matter what the reason is, or what excuses your T has, your needs are not getting met. That alone is reason to move on to another T who will be there for you to meet your needs.

But from what you describe, what does the reason he gives say about him and his practice. Either way it does not matter, if he runs a practice where he can't make time to meet his clients needs which includes you, they he must be doing it to others too. Or he has singled you out.

I suspect it may be some other reason, like he was not fully qualified to work with abuse issues that rise to the PTSD level, and your needs are more work for the money that he wants to take on, a lot of T's try to take on abuse stuff and get stuck when they get overwhelmed and can't say "I am sorry, I am not really qualified for this, I should not have taken your case on".

We should consider this might be the culture in your country when it comes to this type of counselling.

I am lucky my regular T on the second session came right out and told me she was not qualified to handle abuse, and she referred me to the local rape/abuse/crisis recovery center who does that kind of therapy. I seem to have the ideal setup for therapy, it would be nice if everyone had the same.

 

[whiteraven]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. Given that you have been working with this therapist for awhile, this behavior is really unprofessional. I know how difficult it is to disconnect with a therapist after spending so much time establishing trust and sharing so many personal and intimate details - it may even seem impossible right now - but it sounds like what you really need right now is someone who can offer you unconditional and nonjudgmental support. I hope you will do what's best for you, remembering that you have 24/7 support here, and seeking out additional support wherever you can find it.

 

[joeylittle]

Well, he sounds very unprofessional.

Question: is there a reason you weren't on a more regular schedule with him, the way you described the bulk of his clients as being? I do see the logistics challenge of having a client that doesn't want to book a regular time - I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but were you trying for once every other week, or once a month, or....?

 

[VeraD]

Wow I'm sorry this happened to you. Please know that it's not you. I don't know what his problem is, but it's his loss. This is your opportunity to offer your gift to another therapist. Sharing your story is truly a gift and if someone cannot appreciate it, says something about them. I know it can be hard to believe this as you instinctively start thinking that even someone who knew me didn't like me etc; I do this all the time. But please know that this is a blatant unprofessional behavior on his part and nothing to do with you. Good luck

 

[Spaced Out]

This sounds very painful! At least it would be for me! November was a long time ago! I just think he should be honest and professional and not "ghost" you which is what it sure sounds like he is doing. I would feel so bewildered. I hope you can find the support you need! You deserve it. I'm thinking of you. I agree with Simply Simon!

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

This guy needs to be reported to the APA. This is a load of crap that he just "dumped" you off to save his own ass. He gets paid by the hour for therapy and he has the balls to drop (pardon the pun) you as a patient in need of help? Who does he think he is?
Call the APA. This is wrong and he knows it. (Sorry..I'm a little uppity today.)