I Think That Some Dissociation Is Hindering Therapy

[doglover]

Hang in there. Call a friend if you need to. You'll get through this.

 

[bethinhfx]

This is a great resource! I will be checking for you posts! Peace!

 

[onmyway76]

Thank you so much.

 

[Sterre]

Djeez, what a crappy T! This is very odd and strange behavior on her part, not on your part!
She comes accross as somewhat borderlinish herself!

Can you seek for another therapist? Someone that suits you better?

Dont get to discouraged because of her strange behavior. This is clearly her lack of proffesionalism.
Try not ot blame yourself for this, as what you desribe about your strugge, seems perfectly natural to me.
Good luck,and dont give up on yourself because of this!

 

[onmyway76]

Thank you again everybody. I feel like I was abandoned. Obviously, I have my issues, but I think this is real! I've just been sick about it-trying to figure it out. I've considered emailing her just to communicate my feelings, but I left her office feeling like I was so much "sicker" than I thought I was, that I think she would only see it from the view that I've suddenly crazy.

I always had a good relationship with her. She always encouraged me when I would get discouraged for it taking so long to progress. Of course, I didn't realize for the longest time that I was dissociating and I just felt that I was being involuntarily uncooperative!

I'm okay with it being over, but I am still confused by the reason and the way it happened. One week, I FINALLY share a trauma incident, the next week she tells me I'm controlling, manipulative and borderline-ish and the final week she tells me that if I will have any chance of recovery, that she has to let me go.

Its so strange. I just left feeling YUCK!

 

[bethinhfx]

I feel the yuckiness.

I had a really good relationship with a male therapist that lasted 3.5 years and I could feel him sort of distancing himself and it was time to go, which coincided with him asking me about the details of a sexual encounter I had over a weekend. It totally freaked me out and I was assertive in our next session because I didn't feel safe anymore- that took courage! He minimized it and things went South from there including him rejecting me and kind of blaming me. Honestly, this did happen.

Keeping in mind that just before my step-father molested me when I was 16 my mother had him a discuss a letter that I left around detailing a sexual encounter I had whilst drunk. Get it?

I then made several incredible bad decisions including going bankrupt with no job; getting a puppy dog (hello child ego state); going of my meds.

How irresponsible he was is beyond me and I won't even get into another therapy session I had almost 20 years ago because its too exhausting.

Fact is, its hard to get help and from both of those experiences I gained a lot and there was some harm done- absolutely.

I am about to embark on sexual abuse counselling and I have a much clearer understanding of what I need: First of, not friends! Nope. Second, I have to take responsibility for my ego states; and for being an adult. You have to be very careful.

I didn't internalize his rejection. I didn't. I forgave him and I moved on. So, we learn as we go and like any relationship its hard to trust and its hard to be betrayed.

Thats life but keep yourself as safe as possible! You deserve a good therapist! Peace.

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[greenleaf]

She sounds like she doesn't really "get" trauma issues at all... Or mental health issues in general, for that matter. Saying that a client/patient is "borderline-ish" is bizarre. Even if they were, how would it help them to say that, that way? This person isn't professional, she doesn't have good boundaries.

You do deserve a good therapist! Keep looking, and I hope the insurance issues improve too.