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- #25
I am guessing you are on to something. At the time this happened there was a lot going on in my family including my mother trying to commit suicide and then my parents not happy with each other that led to a divorce a couple of years later. So yes lots of things a young boy might want to escape. I need to find a way to forgive that little boyI think my early attachment patterns (not my fault, they develop when you are very young) left me with needs that weren't met and abusers prey on that so that even if a tiny part of thatneed (for warmth, closeness, recognition etc etc) is met in an even slight way you might go back. It doesn't mean you want the other stuff. I wonder whether that is the case for you.
This is actually a big problem in my life because just as I can't forgive myself I also have a very hard time forgiving anyone for things that they did wrong whether it be in daily life, business associates, coworkers etc.s it possible for you, one day, to forgive yourself for being normal in the way you coped?
As I think back and a few more memories come to the surface this may be more true than I have given credit for. If I think back to those days (I was 10-12) and while I do not remember threats maybe they were way more subliminal, had to make sense of the memories without a basis at the time to analyze. I do remember one day when we were together he took me to his Karate class (he was a black belt) which to me was exciting to see but as I look back was this a way to also intimidate me?I'd think they had bad-ass courage to make it out alive.