I'm awake and still finding that my brain is going over certain things, like how these people acted as though they were happy for me to work there, when really they didn't like me very much, and had some kind of personal grudge against me? It's confusing to me that they would invite me to work with them in the first place?
It never feels good to be the one people don't like, but I think not everyone felt that way about me. I'm fairly likable, and whatever reasons they decided I wasn't one of them...didn't party enough or talk about sex and my hair and my tan or my tattooed eyebrows (like one woman who I find out now didn't like me but acted like she loved me).
It sucks, but I wasn't there to be friends with them, I was there to make money. They weren't my kind of people either. I wouldn't want to hang out with them on a regular basis outside of work, or go out smoking ciggies and getting drunk with them...there are better things in life to do with my time.
I'm just venting out what's going on for me, because the hurt and injustice of what happened is still lingering pretty ominously over my head right now.
I still have a lot of tension in my shoulders when I type about it, and think about it. I need a massage myself...but don't have the money right now to spend on one. I will when I start work again somewhere better. I'm feeling positive about this in the sense that this will lead to something much better with a better quality of people in my sphere...which is what I do deserve.
The subject of karma came up on my facebook account last night and I posted a quote from Thich Naht Hanh about helping someone who suffers so much that they hurt others, rather than punish them. I was trying hard to forgive what happened, but a friend of mine came on and replied that if the person can be helped that's one thing, but if not then punish, because most people will not change their ways until they have had enough of the consequences of their actions.
It got me thinking...I felt more angry and vengeful toward the boss for her inability to do what was right in that situation and fire that woman. She punished me for being the victim of an attack, and let the perp stay in full employment. Just typing that out is helping me to really see the reality of what she did. That's what she did...she allowed the attacker to stay and continue to receive income there and treated me like the troublemaker and got rid of me.
It's so unbelievable and unfair...I still cannot wrap my head around it. I find she is more deserving of punishment than the woman who attacked me. I am still not sure how I feel about her...I know she was having some kind of flashback at the time, and was attacking her abuser, whom she saw in me. Do I punish someone who is clearly unwell?
I'm grateful that one person at least believes me, the woman who I am minding her cat came over and we spoke more about it. She knows that the boss is ditzy and has seen how this other woman takes the girls jobs for herself and behaves unfairly, and another woman there also knows how she operates...but the boss won't see it or do anything?
It still doesn't quite compute in my brain. I literally cannot believe it.
I am still grieving the loss of my darling kitten, and have just started to deal with the loss of a so-called friend who abused the crap out of me just a week ago...and now this??? What the hell is going on?
