Sexual Assault I was raped again last weekend.

[rightkindofme]

I need to say this somewhere and all of my usual avenues for coping with my brain are closed to me right now.

I was raped again after 17.5 years being rape-free. It was a glorious span of time. Now I'm feeling obsessively sexually interested in the man who raped me and I can't admit that out loud. My husband is freaking out. I feel gross and dirty and bad and like I don't deserve any safety in this life. I'm scared of myself.

 

[Movingforward10]

I’m so sorry.

it’s the immediate aftermath. Do you have good support around you, like a therapist?
your husband freaking out, he might need some support for himself to help support you so that his freaking out is contained a bit. Though it’s understandable this is hard on him too. But right now, getting support in place is key.

thoughts about the rapist: I hope you can be kind to yourself. These are reactions. They will change. are the thoughts something you want to work on right now, like thought stopping?

 

[somerandomguy]

Be kind to yourself, @rightkindofme.

 

[Friday]

I was raped again after 17.5 years being rape-free. It was a glorious span of time. Now I'm feeling obsessively sexually interested in the man who raped me and I can't admit that out loud. My husband is freaking out. I feel gross and dirty and bad and like I don't deserve any safety in this life. I'm scared of myself.

Rape after a long time off? Makes things reeeeeally muddy, mentally/emotionally speaking, and that’s totally normal.

If you’ve processed all your precious rape trauma? Expect a few days to a few weeks of general upheaval, as this new one needs to be processed, also. If you haven’t processed all of your old rape trauma, expect this to bring everything ancient to right here & right now (to the point of blocking out what is actually here & now), as the past interjects much much much louder. So you’re looking at some significant time unsticking past & present. Super normal. Just a much larger pain in the ass.

 

[mszl]

I'm so sorry @rightkindofme.

 

[rightkindofme]

Thank you, folks. I do have a lot of support. I am leaning on folks. I don't have a therapist--I moved to a rural place where therapy is thin on the ground. I'm going round and round in my mind. I feel like I had gotten to a much better place with all my stuff. I feel like I haven't really been displaying PTSD symptoms for the past few years. Moving to a rural place has helped me a lot.

I made it to almost 5 years in a country where I didn't have a single rapist. That was nice. I'm sad that is over. Rapists suck.

 

[somerandomguy]

Any chance for virtual therapy?

Rapists DO suck. But you are a good, resilient person.