I Went To Visit A Friend Today; First Time Since I Was Triggered

[RussH]

For me, this is a victory. Although it is an accomplishment, it does not merit the level that success and accomplishments; I went to visit a friend today.
I have not seen this friend since I was triggered last October, and then lost my job in january. I have not seen any of my friends, other than church friends since I was triggered. I have been practicing a form of isolationism. I did not go see him, because I was afraid to go see him.

He was not a part of my trauma history, nor has he ever done anything to warrent my withdrawing from him, but I still did. I was afraid to tell him, and his wife about losing my job, about my ptsd, and I was afraid to get hurt.

I think that is why I isolate; I am afraid of getting hurt again, and I cannot afford to get hurt again.

So, I finally got up the courage to go and visit him. It was a good visit, a hard visit, but a good one. I know that I have to move forward in my healing, and this is one more step toward that.

I have to say though that the hurt of last october is still very real, and very fresh within me. I am not sure if i will ever fully recover from what they did to me. But I will not let it keep me down. I refuse to let it control my life.

I took this step, and will start thinking about my next step soon.

 

[arfie]

I know the moderators here are scary strict, but I don't get why this wouldn't merit being under successes and accomplishments, Russ. I think it is a substantial accomplishment. Way to do the do!!! Don't sell yourself short.

Hope your next step goes as well.

 

[RussH]

@arfie, perhaps it doesn't fit into my expectations of success and accomplishments, . This is something I should have done months ago, but just could not bring myself to do it, and there was no good reason not to do itbut I promise soon I will have something significant t post under success and acomplishments

The moderators here are strict, but (not including myself in this statement) I find them to be a group of caring individuals that have both the forum, and its members, best at heart, and work really hard to see the forum and the members flourish.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Oh Russ,

This is a huge accomplishment for you. You went through so much last October and isolating to heal is nothing to be ashamed of, even though you feel you isolated for fear. I remember going through the last days of our Christmas pact hoping that you would make it through and look how far you have come???

I think @joeylittle needs to move your post where it truly belongs.

I'm am super proud of what you accomplished today and I know others here will concur. Since I know you had to use your all of your wrap, here is another one, given publicly.....because if you can do what you did today, I can give a little ray of sunshine.

Of course I'm on my phone, so no smiley. This will have to do!

(((HUGS)))

 

[RussH]

thank you ghosty, I think my next step will be a really big step, and I am not sure how soon I will be able to do it.
The sunshine is much appreciated, but even more, seeing how well you are doing compared to last christmas, like the mastercard commercials use to say "is priceless"

 

[scout86]

Yep, sounds like an accomplishment to me too, and a big one! Maybe, if you ask real nice, you can get a moderator to move it to the accomplishments section where it belongs?

 

[joeylittle]

@Russ, that is really, really awesome. I'm big on isolating, and I know how big of a deal actually breaking through that is. And having your thread in here does not negate in any way the magnitude of this accomplishment for you!

@scout86 and @Ghostybear73, I'm going to leave this thread within this category for a few reasons - one, because Russ put it here on purpose; he's said he has something bigger for himself coming up soon, and I don't hear him minimizing this particular accomplishment.

Two, because we do try and keep Accomplishments for things that are more like "milestone" moments than the victories that lead up to those moments, if that makes any kind of sense. Why? If every accomplishment went into that subforum, every other subforum would be full of nothing but struggle.

It's good to allow the "first steps towards" and the daily victories to live within their subfora, and create moments of inspiration within them.

Think of it as making it to another base camp vs. making it to the peak (in mountain-climbing). "Accomplishments and Success" is for peak moments. We had a recent discussion about this, and as per @anthony's decision, this is how we are approaching it.

But like I said - that doesn't mean we don't have an incredibly valid, important, meaningful, and should-be-celebrated-to-the-rafters kind of victory for our @RussH right here, right now.

And again: Russ, you did a really big thing with this. Keep it up! :)

Back to your regularly scheduled thread...

 

[nursenurse]

Russ, you have to celebrate your accomplishments, even if they seem small to you. You have taken such a huge step, you should be proud of yourself. Never diminish what you do for yourself. I am, as are many others here, overjoyed for you. Well done!

 

[violetclouds]

I get that there are 'big' milestones - but as hard as these small steps are to take - they equal 'big accomplishments' to me - be proud of yourself and encouraged - you done good!
:)

 

[Recovery4Me]

@RussH Congrats on allowing yourself to heal! Pretty inspirational and applauded by some heartfelt offers. That's real 'unconditional' love and support you have on this thread. Awesome guy, awesome thread.:tup:

 

[ms spock]

Congrats @RussH!

 

[The Albatross]

What are your thoughts/feelings about after your visit Russ?