I was 19, I was a virgin, my boy friend of 8 months dumped me in January, he just disappeared, went to a party for saint pattys day with my best friend and some guys from school, got drunk, snuck into a bar, her boy friend planned to pick all of us up later, but I saw my ex, got upset.
Made out with a football player, best friends bf came to get us, took football player with us, my friend was friends with him, he was a college kid just like us, friend's boy friend too us to his parents house, passed out in a bed, in a house I had been to many times, in a bed I had slept in before, my best friend in a room across the hall.
I was asleep, I don't know when I woke up, that part I can't remember, the football player, he had crawled in bed with me, I didn't know, or I don't remember knowing, I came to, he was on top of me, he was inside of me, I told him to stop, he told me I would like it, I still said no.
Friends boy friend walks in, the guy stops and looks at him, i don't know why, I jump up and run, I am naked, I hide in the bathroom, my friend comes to talk to me, says she talked to him, says he's sorry, he wants to talk.
Her and her boy friend go to bed, I go to basement, he says sorry, sort of, the apology ended like this "the worst part about this is I basically just ruined any chance I had with your friend", nice apology.
I lay down on the couch, I just want to sleep, I feel worthless, he goes in bathroom, he comes out mad, walks over to me and says he needs help finishing, I told him not to touch me.
He grabs my arm and picks me up, pulls me in the bathroom, he tries kissing me, I tell him I'm not touching him, he tells me to just take off my shirt so he can look at me, I'm scared, I listen, I remember having my back up against the door, he touches me while he touches himself, I can't recall much of how long that lasted, or what all he did, but I will never forget that bathroom, the color, the light, the exact placing of everything.
For some reason after that I begged him to hold me, I scrunched up next to him on the couch, lay there awake, him barely touching me now, I may have fallen asleep, I wake up on the floor.
People said its cause I was drunk, they said it was no big deal, they walked up to me in the dorms and said "hey, I heard you and ___ got it on this weekend."
Was I still considered a virgin? I didn't know, I tried to think they were right, that I "got it on", I didn't, they were wrong.
Started sleeping around, can't connect with anyone, keep dumping nice guys for assholes, I want assholes to respect me, it's a vicious cycle.
To be continued ...
Made out with a football player, best friends bf came to get us, took football player with us, my friend was friends with him, he was a college kid just like us, friend's boy friend too us to his parents house, passed out in a bed, in a house I had been to many times, in a bed I had slept in before, my best friend in a room across the hall.
I was asleep, I don't know when I woke up, that part I can't remember, the football player, he had crawled in bed with me, I didn't know, or I don't remember knowing, I came to, he was on top of me, he was inside of me, I told him to stop, he told me I would like it, I still said no.
Friends boy friend walks in, the guy stops and looks at him, i don't know why, I jump up and run, I am naked, I hide in the bathroom, my friend comes to talk to me, says she talked to him, says he's sorry, he wants to talk.
Her and her boy friend go to bed, I go to basement, he says sorry, sort of, the apology ended like this "the worst part about this is I basically just ruined any chance I had with your friend", nice apology.
I lay down on the couch, I just want to sleep, I feel worthless, he goes in bathroom, he comes out mad, walks over to me and says he needs help finishing, I told him not to touch me.
He grabs my arm and picks me up, pulls me in the bathroom, he tries kissing me, I tell him I'm not touching him, he tells me to just take off my shirt so he can look at me, I'm scared, I listen, I remember having my back up against the door, he touches me while he touches himself, I can't recall much of how long that lasted, or what all he did, but I will never forget that bathroom, the color, the light, the exact placing of everything.
For some reason after that I begged him to hold me, I scrunched up next to him on the couch, lay there awake, him barely touching me now, I may have fallen asleep, I wake up on the floor.
People said its cause I was drunk, they said it was no big deal, they walked up to me in the dorms and said "hey, I heard you and ___ got it on this weekend."
Was I still considered a virgin? I didn't know, I tried to think they were right, that I "got it on", I didn't, they were wrong.
Started sleeping around, can't connect with anyone, keep dumping nice guys for assholes, I want assholes to respect me, it's a vicious cycle.
To be continued ...
