I Wish....

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Baby steps. One step at a time. One step in front of the other. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. Just do what you can now, today, in the moment . Sounds like you are healing and stronger than you were yesterday. Goals and ambitions are great. But don't let what you can't do today beat up your "now" your present. And for now, sleep is good :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I think there's the moments when you plan the train, but one day you look up & see the stars instead.

Welcome to you. :hug:

 

[ladee]

@Myanxietyhasanxiety , what a precious baby you have.... love the look on his face... so happy he is there for you .... loved your post about how it is now..... so much truth... funny how after all the work, gratitude comes into play.... respect you for the hard work, and appreciate you sharing... gives so much hope...:hug::hug: if you accept them

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think there's the moments when you plan the train, but one day you look up & see the stars instead.

We...

:) you made me smile! I hope one day I can see the stars and just be able to breathe instead of my mind racing, my mind constantly looking for the "plan" for the million bad senarios that can happen. I just want to be calm and be who I think I am inside without the abuse, the "cult" mentality, the hurt, pain, fear, rage, etc... My therapist once asked "If I took your entire past way, all the pain, fear, anger...(he went on), what's left?" I said "nothing!" It def defines me at this point, I self do all but one of the rituals amd I hope to one day be someone without all that, you know?

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Your healing @lostforgottensoul . Give yourself permission to heal. Remind yourself "you are safe, you are safe". You may not feel safe. And I understand this can be incredibly difficult to beleive but logically think, yes this very minute I am safe. Even if you can only believe it for a second. let it slip in.

Then tell yourself I'm ok. Right now you can't see around corners, you mind/body is in self-protect mode, and It can be so much.

You are important. Your life is important. Know that it's ok to not be ok. Just one step at a time. Breathe.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Your healing @lostforgottensoul . Give yourself permission to heal. Remin...

My therapist says the same thing "tell yourself or think to yourself that it wasnt your fault, im worthy of life, i didnt deserve it, and sort of the backwards of the brainwashing that was done about god & what not and about you, even if you dont believe it as you will cone to start to except it more and more" but thats soooo hard to do as i cant look in mirrors cuz i look so much like my mom and i dont like what i see and its sooo foriegn, its like asking someone that very much in ever cell believes in god "try to think youraelf into not believing in god" or "try to see the sky as not blue". Im trying and will try that, just a little second im safe, i'll try to start there

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You are important. Your life is important. Know that it's ok to not be ok. Just one step at a time. Breathe.

Trying to believe that the air I believe isnt waisted air is so very hard but I am trying.

I guess instead "one day at a time" its "one second or minute at a time" but i just feel i should be so much more better after 6 yrs, well technically 5 yrs since i went to therapy every week for a yr beforw he knew why i was really there and then another 2 yrs slowly, very slowly telling him my past so really its only been like 3 yrs but still, i should still be further along

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

only been like 3 yrs but still, i should still be further along

As my Great- grandma used to say, "you can should'a, would'a, could'a all day but that's not going get you any further"

I think it's sound advice. I think comparisons are a slippery slope. If you can, think of it this way: Your exactly where you need need to be. Right this moment. Everything is ok.

The only comparisons I try to do these days, is to look at where I was yesterday, or last year, or the years before.

You have OPENED up! You have shared yourself to someone else. That's huge! Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself credit. It's not about what you haven't done. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

You reached out here. And I'm so glad you did.

If you could understand the STRENGTH that takes.

I commend you. In reaching out and talking here. Your givin a voice to those who can't. I was one of them. I lived in the shadows for many years. I didn't have the courage to speak out. I came to this forum and other places for years to just read. It was other people's words that a piece of me felt understood. I didn't feel so alone. I would just come and read, research, but didn't have the courage to do anymore until recently.

Your giving a voice to those who can't yet. And that takes courage.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You have OPENED up! You have shared yourself to someone else. That's huge! Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself credit. It's not about what you haven't done. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Actually that is hige as I have been to 4 other free therpist, 2 of which replied to my sexual come ons and had sex with me to whoch I think cut down there as punishment. Actually the reality of how I gained the words and courage to tell him is one remarkable story. The folks in the US are gonna know who this is. Dr. Drew Pensky was having an "ask Dr Drew video cjat, us in chat and him answeri g on video. It was only 15 mins and he spent 5 of it answering my question which then gave me the words and courage to open up to just my therapist. Remember, tho he should be a therapist, he isnt, he's an internal medicine Dr, an MD, and an addiction specialist who happens to be on tv and radio and have a ton of shows but Dr Phil wantede on his show and his staff called many times but because i dont want to air my stuff on nation tv he refused to even give me 5 mins. Dr Drew is a great guy and doesnt have the ego issue that in my opinion dr phil has

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You reached out here. And I'm so glad you did.

If you could understand the STRENGTH that t...

I also came here just to read but I k ew if i didnt at least create an account i would never have any support. I suffered alone in silence and secert until until i was 28. Even after that my family didnt know until just a few yrs ago and I'll be 35 in a few months

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Dr. Drew Pensky

It was only 15 mins and he spent 5 of it answering my question which then gave me the words and courage to open up to just my therapist

I'm so glad he was able to speak to your heart and gave you courage. I'm sorry for the others. That's a shame that there are so many predatory therapists taking advantage of their clients. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I'm iffy on Dr. Phil. In some shows he seems very compassionate and others he comes off all EGO.

I'm familiar with Dr Drew in a sense that his face and TV but not enough about his credentials.

Sounds like one day, if/when, or ever you want or are ready you may be able to write your story. It could be therapeutic for you and even exposing the abuse in the system and the frauds along your way to healing.