I Wondered For Those With Kids.....

[Sunshine71]

Hi all

I wondered for those with kids.....

My son is 6 1/2 and the head mistress of his school is lovely bless her, but she is concerned with my son. He doesn't pay attention and isn't doing as well a the others. He is a bright boy, he just doesn't seem interested or bothered.

Is this typical?

I am wondering if hubbys PTSD has influenced this??

We have made far too much use of TV and playstation. Hubby doesn't really do anything with our son - other than get very stressed when he doesn't do as he is told / asked.

The Head Teacher suggested we take him for an eye test and hearing test.

They know hubby is poorly but they don't know to what extent re PTSD/ depression and even suicidal thoughts.

I am getting stressed with my son too. We have to ask him so many times for anything and then he moans and shouts..... he is only happy when watching TV or playing the playstation...

I am just so stressed and now the school are concerned :O(

I wondered if you have kids how PTSD has impacted them???

Thanks guys and much love

Sunshine

 

[saffy]

At 6 their attention span can differ greatly depending on the child.

But remember your child is an individual and it could just be something he does at the moment.

Your headmistress has a point in testing him out for other things, eyes and ears, add? before even considering that the ptsd association might be the cause.

In my opinion, you might not like to hear it but, I would associate his lack of attention with his association with the playstation and tv rather than your hubby. But that is just a sign of the times and you have done nothing wrong by letting him use them.

Maybe this is a good time to get him into other interests?

The fact that you can describe your child as bright is a good thing, he does not sound like he is withdrawn but rather just not interested at the moment.

I bet he has lots of other great qualities. .

I know it is a worry, we all like our children to do well at school and enjoy it but he is only 6.

The most important thing I think as a mother is to not compare him to other children.

This is easy to do I know, and I have. I had to remember that mine were individuals and where they might lack in some areas they make up in others.

I hope this helps a bit. and I know you need to have your mind set at rest but please do not let it run away with you. :)

Best wishes

Saffy :)

 

[Joseph_PDX]

My son is 6 1/2 and the head mistress of his school is lovely bless her, but she is concerned with my son. He doesn't pay attention and isn't doing as well a the others. He is a bright boy, he just doesn't seem interested or bothered.

I have twin seven year olds. And they are spooky smart. (Not just saying that as their dad ... lol). A hallmark of smart kids is that they get bored easy and they struggle with their "executive function." Meaning that they are not good at self directing during task, finishing their own work on their own is a struggle, and that they get overwhelmed easily by mundane tasks. This behavior might very well exist without extra stress at home. (i.e.; PTSD)

However I will say that when I got a divorce and my kiddos were extra stressed that this behavior was certainly exacerbated. They got better once their mom and I got through that phase and were no longer acrimonious. My kids have responded well to consistent "reinforcement," meaning that we drill them, drill them, drill them. We turn the TV off... set boundaries with videos games and reinforce positively when they do well.

We're relentless... But it's what it takes.

I know that you're probably imagining the epic tantrum that you'd get to deal with by taking away some of that stuff, but you have to work through it. And I know that having the other parent be a sufferer means that you likely are taking on the lion share of the work. I would still get your kid tested to rule out other stuff going on. But having a kid who only wants to play Playstation and watch TV is pretty common.

lol... in my head I can hear so clearly how my own kids moan.. "awwwww Daaaad!!!" :p

 

[Bilby]

My eldest two are also rather bright and providing the right kind of stimulation for them is obviously very important.

I know if my kids are let loose with playing those sorts of things - the Wii, the DS or computers/TV - they become rather anti-social. The 'screen time' has to be limited so that they enjoy other activities and stay healthy and active, but also so that they behave and aren't grumpy bums!

I think having their eyes/ears checked is a wise move as these things can be easily missed, but make such a very big difference.

I would try to wind back the 'screen time' and put some limits on it - there will obviously be some protests to begin with - but stick at it and over time, you should find that it makes a difference to his behaviour. If you think about it, playstations/Wii, DS's or computers etc or just watching TV are all very solitary activities after all. It's no surprise in that regard that it can lead to anti-social behaviour.

Does he enjoy other things, like Lego? Does he like to read? Try honing in on some of those other things he may like and see how you go.

Good luck :)

B x

 

[Sunshine71]

Thank you so much for your super replies.... Brilliant!!!

We went to see the head teacher and she feels my son may have ADD.... I have read a little and it does sound like my son however .... Yes I now know he has been having FAR too much screen time and I just dont know why I didnt do something about this sooner....

We have had a good weekend..... he has hardly watched TV at all.... already we have seen a difference.....

No screen time after dinner during the week, he is going to bed earlier and even though its early days waking up earlier - so the aim is that it will be less stressful in the morning.

Hubby seemed supportive and however he is still finding dealing with our son difficult and snapping/ shouting when there is no need.

After your replies I do feel that the PTSD may have had some influence however it is the screen time more - everything seems to be very violent too and I have noticed in so many cartoons they talk about going crazy - making fun of mental health issues - rather odd....

I am pleased to be on a better path now and have seen already a slightly happier son :O)

THANK YOU again

Love Sunshine x

 

[ms spock]

Exercise is also good at this age. Taking them outside for some physical activities and running them like ponies to get all that energy out.

 

[saffy]

I just dont know why I didnt do something about this sooner....

Hindsight is a great thing eh ;)

I am so glad you have got through this. Your hubby will see the difference to and start to gradually change his reactions. He might just need reminding delicately sometimes. ;)

I am very pleased to hear you are happy :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks everyone....

New routine in place, no screen time after dinner, going to bed earlier and waking up earlier... still very much a work in progress of course.

Not convinced about ADD however putting some great things in place... even better eating, Omega oils etc...

Just wish hubby would get involved and support....

Thanks and love Sunshine

 

[Abstract]

I think having their eyes/ears checked is a wise move

I too think such suggestions are a very wise first stage.

And personally think that your husbands PTSD could be a factor depending how stressful the home environment is for your son. Attention problems can potentially be linked to stressful home environment. For one things anxiety can cause many symptoms such as not being able to sit still or concentrate.

It sounds wise to balance out his activity time so well done.

 

[saffy]

Just wish hubby would get involved and support....

He will, be patient and lead by example, it is a big positive lifestyle change you are embarking on. Be strong, we are here for you :)

best wishes :)
Saffy

 

[Sunshine71]

Huge thanks and love...... I will let you know how it goes :O) Sunshine xxx

 

[Bilby]

Definitely let us know - I'd be interested to hear whether his teachers are noticing the difference too. :)