Identifying As A Victim

[Bloomy]

Interesting thread.
I think seing this from the perspective of the real meaning of the words we were victims as in we were sacrificed on the alter of the abuser or abusers ego/s. Then for some people they get stuck in trauma and let them selves continue to be sacrificed on this alter. Its also a sort of alter of the society since it doesnt want to know about those that has to surive such atrocities.
Then for many of us we become survivors. We want to heal. We want to move on. And here comes the dificult word introducesd here axymutolog? Something like that..... As we are healing I belive we are in need of support from others around us to reconstruct our identities. I belive this support should not be about re affirming we are victims. Nor should it affirm we are solely survivors. But instead it should confirm that trauma or no trauma we are still our selves. As we been alll along. Just that trauma experience has fogged the wiew. I belive this is the true meaning fo healing.
Re construct the true self. I guess I react to the word survivor cause it doesnt give me that room to just be.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think for all of us, the words victim and survivor have some very strong and differing meanings. I feel that I was a victim, but for me the word victim means helpless, beaten, abused. That WAS me when I was being abused many many yrs ago. I now look at myself as a survivor. Someone that has gone from an abused, helpless being to a strong and able woman/person.

I'm no longer a *thing /object*to be used by another human, but a person that can protect herself from those that took advantage of that helpless child so long ago. Someone that can say, "no/stop" because I now know that my body isn't something to be used by others against my will. My body is MINE to give, not something to be used and thrown away.

We all are survivors and victims. I just believe that we all have different meanings for those words.

 

[EveHarrington]

I also like seeing myself as a victim but I don't know that it's a very healthy outlook--victimho...

Says who?

The act of abuse made you a victim. How you react has nothing to do with being a victim.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

victimhood means I am deserving of pity (a hell of a drug) and absolved of responsibility for my own betterment. At least, when I take it to the extreme.

^^^ What I meant by saying one can get stuck there.

We all are survivors and victims. I just believe that we all have different meanings for those words.

Agreed!

Now that ive had some time to think on this, this is how I see it for me.

A victim of a crime is true, but its not whom I am. It describes an event. The trauma.

Surviving is what I did and do, an act, also not whom I am.

The more I think of this the more I find myself on the fence also not describing myself as either.

The more I think of it, I don't want to be described as either. As either way I look at it, its defining me by my trauma and though my trauma shaped me, I am more than a victim of a crime or someone that survived trauma and survives every day.

Whom I am Im still learning but I don't like either and that's ok too. But I have to be more then a victim of a crime and a survivor of trauma. Though both I can identify with.

This is just for me, every one's milage may vary. This is just how I see it for me after thinking on it. I dont want to be called a victim or a survivor...someone that was traumatized. I want to be called me.

 

[NatBird]

On second thought - f*ck all these words - Im me - Bloomy!! Im not a victim, not a survivor, nor warrior...

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[NatBird]

The understanding I get from the original post is: fully acknowledging something hurtful/harmful/damaging has happened and its impact can be the beginning of self compassion needed to heal. Essentially I see this as part of the process of coming out of denial. At least this has and still is the process for me.

In this instance I'm understanding the poster to mean victim as someone who has experienced harm. Is this correct or am I way off? @Amaranthine

Then there's what a person does with the harm and as we know that varies.
Do the responses need to be labeled, pathologised or demonised?
Doesn't the 'victim' exist inside the survivor? The desire to be rescued inside the rescuer?
Aren't will all much more complex under certain light and from different angles than these labels allow?

Sorry if I sound like wanker. Just my mood;)

 

[NatBird]

The understanding I get from the original post is: fully acknowledging something hurtful/harmful/damagi...

I think labels are useful to the extent they are estimations and indicators of experience.

 

[Abstract]

Acknowledging this for me isn't/wouldn't be about identity. Its about acknowledgement of the past. I am someone who had almost total denial until recently. It doesn't even occur to me to have any of the usual terms linked to me as an identity. Not a survivor (ugh.... ack...just writing it makes me want to hot my head against the wall.) or the v word. Sufferer is hard enough to stomach. I see PTSD and trauma as something outside myself even though I haven't had a healthy whole past ever (as far as I can remember). But for me I think being able to accept these terms as things that have happened would be healthy. Probably a form of processing and acceptance. I can't quite go as far as discussing the victim (arg!) aspect of things but taking survivor: if one survives something they are a survivor of that situation. It doesn't mean their identity is Survivor.

If someone finds and has found it hard to see themselves in any other role then I suspect these terms are very unhelpful.

 

[Sheera]

Oh wow, very powerful stuff. Being called a victim gives me such a visceral response in the worst way. It...

I couldn't agree with you more! I hate both words with a passion

 

[EveHarrington]

Everyone is a survivor if they are still here. Why wear it as a badge?

 

[Jules1]

Oh wow, very powerful stuff. Being called a victim gives me such a visceral response in the worst way. It...

I must admit I find the word victim very painful to contemplate; but it is since I faced the fact that I was a victim that I have done most of my healing. It was like I was in denial and until I had felt the truth of the situation, that I had been a victim I could not begin to heal and find my strength. I do use the word survivor for want of another term but I am a survivor of being victimised. It feels at this time that I had to acknowledge victimisation to move on from it. And being able to parent that part of me that was hurt so much and give it the love and respect it needed to become part of the whole me again. It feels like when you are traumatised bits of you break up, fracture, and you need to glue yourself together again; I liken it to the Japanese art of Kintsukorai, putting yourself back together with golden seams; more beautiful and unique than before; but a tad fragile/delicate. Oh now I am rambling and off track lol.

 

[aut555]

These are trigger words, we all are victims and survivors of something, even true of non-ptsd people. I think for traumatized people, these two words are more raw and visceral. Can the level of our response be tied into how we see ourselves? The more of a hot button this pushes, the more we are tied up in the awareness of hurt.