Idk what to call this it is so horrible!

[Issy]

This is outrageous. I am so sorry you had to go through that horrific experience. It was clearly unjustified and you were treated like you were less than a human being. I admire your courage and your openess to write about this. Just reading it made my soul cry. I hope you can get some justice if you decide to go that route. Hang in there, im sending loads of compassion your way.

 

[BpinkJ]

So, I just went and got My hospital records today from this experience.....and let me tell you I am pissed! There are so many thing in there that are not accurate. Some of the things were hard to read and I had to step back and say to myself yes that is you, but some of the stuff is complete BS.

The records state I lost 15 pounds in a month, I have actually gained weight. My intrusive thoughts were listed as hearing hallucinations with psychotic symptoms. It says I had homicidal thoughts. A favorite...... that I have average intelligence to below average intelligence!

I always excelled at school. I have a medical coding and billing diploma, associates degree in health admin and I am 5 classes from a bac in business admin. I stopped going to college while working at a corporate office because I was told it wouldn't help me, as I had already worked my way up.

It listed that I had back pain and I never once said that. It also said in one spot that I was fairly dramatic. How the hell is that possible? I would say either you are dramatic or you are Not!

Final DX: major depressive disorder, recurrent severe without psychosis
Rule out meaning they aren't sure and further testing needed:
PTSD
ADHD combined
Mood disorder NOS
Panic disorder
Aneixty disorder

I swear no one wants to take the time to figure out what is wrong. They guess and hope they are right. The report does note a couple times that it is of great concern why the psychiatrist I saw pink slipped me and that needs investigated. One spot also says they think he pink slipped me because he thought I wouldn't go to the hospital on my own. I clearly told the P I had no problem doing so if he thought it would help me it just had to be on a Friday because my husband works and we have children.

 

[Scarlet13]

Yeah that is so frustrating. I don't want to think about what my papers say about me.

 

[BpinkJ]

O, and to update everyone I saw my T last week and will again tomorrow. We didn't even get to file the grievance because of everything we talked about. I explained to her that the head P in the ward told me to tell her he doesn't think I can do EMDR because he doesn't think I can keep a box closed and that he feels she doesn't realize how deep, dark and hurtful what I buried is and that it may not be good to start EMDR for me. She was shocked! She kept saying sorry. She knows aboit my intrusive thoughts. We did try and build a box. First thing that came to mind was a damn coffin. I guess because I want those hurt full memories to die. Then my thoughts showed me my 14 year old in that coffin, so that had to stop. I then picked a filing cabinet that locks. I think of the movie Bruce Almighty where the drawer is a mile long. Anyways it is bulit but then my mind jumps to how many drawers and what to put where. I like to be organized and can see myself trying to figure what memory to put in what drawer, so not sure it will work. Also felt werid like my T was watching me which anyone looking at me makes me uncomfortable. I told her, and she said I quickly glance and don't watch you. I can't seem to close my eyes during any of it. Since my release from the hospital my home life has fell apart. I am arguing with my husband over everything. I feel like I am taking my hurt out on him, but don't know how to stop. The first thing when I get out he tells me about the baseball game benefit for my 1 year old that I missed because of being locked up and I lost it. I remember screaming at him saying you are so insensitive! He apologized but because of THAT and how I feel like he hurt me it's almost like I am punishing him and can't stop. This hospitalized has really messed me up so much!

Today I tried to sit at a walk in place to get a new P and everyone showed for their appointments so I was turned away. My whole day wasted. Maybe I am depressed. I just want to be normal and feel better.

 

[cat-lady]

don't even remember his name only that he had a strong accent that sounded middle eastern (not that it matters) but I had a hard time understanding him.

Sorry to hear this happened! The above quote makes me think this was about a language barrier. If you had a hard time understanding him, chances are he had a hard time understanding you. That is not an excuse though. It's his job to be able to communicate with patients well. I couldn't distinguish between "I'm considering doing this" and "I had this intrusive thought" in a second language, but then I wouldn't try to work in a job where I would need to with my lack of language skills. I'm guessing those in the hospital then simply wrote down what he said. Just a theory - but something they may want to look into if you file a grievance, especially to see if this has happened with other patients.

 

[Scarlet13]

This is good advice regarding the language barrier. I think that this is stressful and you are fighting with your husband, because this was traumatic.
It feels horrible, and is even out right dangerous to be misunderstood and misinterpreted