Relationship If I Had Known

[Justmehere]

@Glara :hug:

I never thought he wouldn't be in my life anymore, except once every few weeks to say he's not dead. I have to let it go. I just don't know what to do. Do I say something, do I just block him? This just sucks so bad.

I think you will let go when you are ready. I think for now, the more you can focus on you, and building up other relationships, the better. It will help make it easier to know what to do about this relationship with him, and to do it.

What's amazing to me is that there's not one single person in my life that knows any of this. Out of the 3 people that did know some of it back in Oct, 2 of them have checked out. The only other one is my friend who's daughter passed away. She's been the most supportive inspite of all she's been through. i can't burden her with this, it's too much for her to deal with.

Respectfully, you are not being very fair to her. I have been through some rough seasons in my life. You know what helped? When my friends let me decide when I could and couldn't be there for them. In one particular long season of grief I found some refuge and relief in caring about my friends who had stuff going on in their lives too. It helped.

Maybe reaching out to this friend of yours is just what you both need right now. Either way, respect her enough to let her decide for herself if she can or can't be there for you right now. Don't decide for her.

I've been very frustrated that not only am I going through this PTSD stuff but my health is not stable either. At least now I feel like somebody is really helping me. Now I just wish I had a friend to talk to. This place is the only place I have to talk to anyone. I feel pathetic.

Oh it breaks my heart to see that you feel pathetic. You are anything but pathetic.

You have a lot to give to others. You have a very kind heart. You would not be so pulled into this relationship with this guy unless you did have a kind heart. You have been through a lot yourself. Reach out. Keep reaching out for support for you and keep being who you are. You really are kind and brave woman. :hug: