If Only

[Fadeaway]

There are those moments in time, that we all wish things could have been different. If things had been different hen maybe we wouldn't have PTSD, or at least have better coping skills and feel more supported. What are yours? Here is mine.

• I wish I had never heard people say, in reference to the girl next door, "That little slut that was found kissing that boy in the back of the bus, says her step dad molested her, can you believe that? What a little whore."
• I wish that I hadn't gotten a black eye for eventually telling. I wish I hadn't lied to the dr. about where i got the black eye.
• I wish that I had know that not everyone's definition of what a spanking is, is the same. I wish that I had know beat was a more appropriate word.
  
• I wish someone had told me I could go to college.
• I wish someone had taught me about how I should except a boy to treat me.
• I wish that someone would have cared if I told them he called me a bitch on our second date.
  
• I wish I had someone I could trust in and confide in. I still wish that.
  
• I wish that someone would have told me, "Hey you are good at that."

 

[DharmaGirl]

I wish you had too. I wish I had more self confidence. I would also like someone to trust and confide in that I don't pay. Otherwise, I did the best I could, even as a toddler, to make sense of my world and keep going. I made it to 52 before I had my breakdown. In the words of my toddler self, "I dun good".

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I wish all of that for you too. It's not too late though. You deserve to be respected and you are worthy of love. Don't let others define your self worth. You can share your feeings here with no judgement and know you are not alone.

 

[anonymous]

1) I wish I wasn't raised to be a people pleaser. Scratch that, I'm not. I wish I was loved by my mom unconditionally so I didn't have to please her at an attempt to feel loved. Never did get that love....

1) I wish that I had time to develop social skills as a child instead of constantly focusing on being safe. I can do the social thing to a point, but there is a lot I don't know and it's hard to learn this stuff when you're older.

3) I wish that caring, love, and concern felt like good things to me instead of sending up severe warning signals that cause me to push and run.

 

[moonbeam]

I'm so unsure on this.

I wish you had received all of that. I have a few wishes of my own. Part of me says having wishes is normal and its a healthy thing to wish things had been a different way. Recognising and grieving for what could have been is good.

But we can't change the past. The only thing we can do is change the now and look to a better future. I think wishes for the future would be better than wishes for the past.

 

[shimmerz]

I try to take things down to the lowest common denominator, otherwise the list would be too long.
1. Failure to be conceived.

Yep, that works. My apologies. I am in a mood today.

 

[PTSDbegone]

@Fadeaway You deserved, and still do deserve all those things. I have actually never really thought of this before. I try so hard not to look at the past, and only concentrate on the moment, and future. You question got me thinking though, and I thank you for that.

• I wish I had parent's that wanted me.
• I wish I felt like I could have spoken up. Not only for myself, but also for others.
• I wish I wasn't so alone all the time. I just learned recently that it's not normal for a 5 year old to be locked out of their house for 2 or 3 days at a time.
• I wish someone took notice. This is a huge thing for me to admit because I hate any attention on me whatsoever. That being said I can't help but wonder how I was never seen. I am constantly watching other peoples children, and am always concerned for their safety if I know them or not.
• I wish I started this healing journey earlier, and not have waited so many years.
• I wish for so many things for myself, and others.

I now look at my list here, and I am not sure where the thoughts came from. I think others deserve them, but it's hard to believe that I deserve them. We are all so hard on ourselves.

On to the future!

 

[littlelostchild]

I wish I had been loved.

I wish I had been protected.

 

[DharmaGirl]

1. Failure to be conceived.

But then you wouldn't be here helping so many people. I'm glad you were conceived, but I'm sorry you went through so much shit.

 

[Dana1010]

This takes me back to the day we (my siblings and I) all went to see the social worker one after the other and lied about our home life and our parents to make them look good just as we'd been instructed to. I wish I had asked the social worker, "If I tell the truth, will you protect my identity?"

I wish I had joined Big Brothers and Big Sisters or some similar organization so that I could get some social interaction with a normal person.

I wish that I had known that education was a way out and had studied harder and stayed in college.

I wish somebody told me that everybody is lying to you.

This is getting too frustrating and depressing. Better to focus on the future. :) Yes, really.

 

[Sammyiam]

I'm sorry that you didn't have all the things you had wished for I hope you find them.