If you are male, would you react like this?

[Jas]

my partner and i hit a rocky patch, sorted it out, sex life was going great but then i disclosed i was groomed and sexually assaulted at 15. I felt safe talking to him, i had kept it secret for 20 years.

But now he won’t touch me. Barely at all. I feel disgusted with myself, i am now struggling with victim blaming again.

If you are male, would you react like this?

 

[gorgonzola]

Male here. You know him and I don't, so this is just spitballing, but does he by any chance have an avoidant attachment style? It's conceivable he's scared of accidentally triggering you during sex and is avoiding discussing that fear with you because doing so feels too vulnerable so he's clumsily expressing it by clamming up and avoiding sex instead (I'm very avoidant myself, which is why this possibility came to mind first).

It could be that you've inadvertently brought up guilt in him for something he's done in his past. It could be that you've inadvertently brought up guilt in him for something that's been done to him in his past. His ego could depend on being able to imagine that he's everyone's first. He could be resolving to ask who your groomer was so he can act against them. Could be something else he's not sharing with you yet for whatever reason.

All of those possibilities are entirely to do with him and how he's not handling this revelation well. In case it helps to hear from a stranger: you've done absolutely nothing wrong.