I'm completely unable to do anything today

[SeekingAfrica]

I hate those days. It's like when I am too busy to take care of my anxiety and it builds and builds and builds and then come days like today when Anything is too much. I can barely get out of bed. Simple tasks take me too long. I'm too weak physically to do anything. Going out is impossible, furthest I can go is the store downstairs. Breathing is hard. I'm too hungry or feel like throwing up. Occasionally I get chunks of energy and send out some emails, messages, get some tiny things done and I'm wiped again.

I had few small tasks done since the morning, but most of the time I can't. I can't even keep myself awake, even to just chill on my computer and try to relax. It took me an hour of just laying flopped in some weird position on the bed to be able to get up and write this. I have to reschedule things and just leave few most important stuff for today. I called in sick for work(or like, the alternative to that, let my client know I'm sick). I'll still work, but probably in the evening, I need some time to snap out of this. It's like ...worse than when I'm sick, because when I'm sick I feel like it's okay to take a day off, whereas the worse I feel when I have mental issues the more guilty I feel when taking time off...even if everyone around me is understanding. Somehow I'm even tougher on myself if everyone is nice, I feel like, omg, you let them see you weak, you made them be nice when they shouldn't be etc...

My mind is in storm mode. It's like it doesn't matter at all whether or not I can reschedule things or how I feel. Anything and everything from work to doing that 1 dish in the sink feels like it HAS to get done and I'm awful for taking time off. And it feels like even taking 2 hours or 4 hours for myself to regain strength feels like too much. Although generally I work almost all the time and don't take time off, and when I don't have work I study or look for more work...so no wonder that on occasion I get overwhelmed, with or without issues, I suppose. I just hate feeling this way. It makes my brain into a mush unable to process anything....

 

[The Albatross]

What are you actually doing for yourself each day to balance and empower yourself?
I started off really small with the idea of triangulation and the Galileo principle (a theory of my own based loosely on 12 step recovery and the three legged stool).

Doing 1 thing in three areas until it became habit and behavior... physical, mental/emotional and spiritual. The practice of these three things becomes familiar and self nurturing. For a non faith based person it would be physical, mental/emotional and inspirational for instance.

The theory (which I've used before), is the visualization of the Galileo thermometer. The triangle floats in the cylinder. If I can achieve and sustain all three, the triangle will quickly rise to the top of the cylinder. If I can achieve and sustain any two of the three (physical, spiritual, mental/emotional), it will still rise but the progress will be more slowly. If I can not achieve and sustain any of the three, the triangle will sink.

26-28 days makes a new habit, 6 months a new behavior.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

What are you actually doing for yourself each day to balance and empower yourself?
I started off r...

On most days lately? Probably nothing. I kind of just have breakfast and jump into work. It's been a long time(months) since I've done anything for myself other than when feeling like this (like now, taking few hours off, or a day but I doubt it, may be have bath to calm down).
There are a lot of days where I straight work through from morning until bed time with breaks for food. May be I got a bit scared because of that time when I didn't have work and since I got it I'm overcompensating a bit...Not a bad thing for safety sake, but I'm still human with limits...or so it seems.

Yesterday I did zumba at home for a full hour to vent out emotions, but that was the one time I've done it in months, too. I haven't done much lately other than work, chores, and occasionally seeing friends.
What is that theory of yours? What do you do?

 

[The Albatross]

You're always playing catch up Africa, and letting your emotional state run the show unless or until you can embrace some consistent self regulating and balancing activities... everyday.


If your "head" is the problem... set your head in a more generally beneficial place before jumping headlong into your day. Really.

Neglected to add... the water/Galileo thermometer visualization (and I actually have one) helped me because higher frequency emotions (the more pleasant and happy ones) are higher frequency. Link Removed

 

[SeekingAfrica]

If your "head" is the problem... set your head in a more generally beneficial place before jumping...

I agree. When I'm in bad state I get really neglectful. There were some years when I was a lot more functioning even with the same issues, and it was probably because I was always making sure I have good balance of self care...Somehow I stopped doing that.

You're always playing catch up Africa, and letting your emotional state run the show unless or until you can embrace some consistent self regulating and balancing activities... everyday.

True again. I guess it's very easy for me to let fear run the show and undermine all my efforts otherwise. I mean with or without mental issues, not taking a break at all is never a good idea...

I added what I started with in the above post in edit.

I read that and I love the idea! I use to have similar belief, just formulated differently. It worked at the time. But I like the formulation through that theory because it helps me get out of my overthinking mode and from different perspective.
Thank you for adding the days and months for building change, that also helps calm down the part of me thinking that change needs to happen in a day just because I'm freaking out.

Still probably need to sleep through some part of today as I'm way too drained. But I will try to see if I can apply what you said in my days though.

 

[The Albatross]

Practice, persistence, patience, perseverance and prayer (unless your secular).

"I'm overcompensating a bit".... you're not overcompensating. You're locked into always playing catch up and are way to influenced by thoughts and feelings.

 

[dulcia]

You Aren't Lazy -- You're Just Terrified: On Paralysis And Perfectionism

Related read that might be interesting. Can't speak to the psychology or science behind it (if there is any at all), but reading this gave me a little happiness today.

 

[provencepearl]

You Aren'...

http://www.ravishly.com/you-arent-lazy-youre-just-terrified-paralysis-and-perfectionism
This looks very interesting. I am saving to read later as I am far behind on reading these posts and trying to get caught up.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

You Aren'...

Oh, thank you. Even though it's basically things I know, that article actually made me feel more okay about it. Reading it was like something I wrote, it sounds exactly like what I do. I'll try to ease a bit about it and try to follow the advice.