I'm Done

[keifer]

I haven't wrote in a while. I don't feel like talking to anyone. It seems to never help when I write. I've given up looking for a girl friend at 44. I just don't see it happening.

I have good times and then this. I can cry for no reason and just push the pain down. I can put ice on my knee and not feel the cold. Today, I noticed when I touched it, it was cold. Least I don't feel it anymore.

PTSD is like combat. You are where you don't want to be but you have to fight anyways.

 

[novemberDark]

He when I read your thread title, I thought you're last day at work, and retirement man !.

Reading the rest of it now.

So your having hard time to move right now. Sitting put sucks !

 

[NewDayTomorrow]

Its ok if you are done looking for a girlfriend, But try to be open if good fortune happens and you end up meeting someone by chance. Just because you lose hope, doesn't make it impossible. But if you stop looking, at least you can't be disappointed or let down. Just don't prevent it from happening if there is ever a chance later. I am done with dating myself, at least for a few years, but I am only 21, so it is not nearly as hard for me as it probably is for you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hear your pain, discouragement and loneliness for a companion. I was married for thirty six years and my husband who I loved dearly died. I am done. I do not seek another companion. No one can replace my husband so it is a decision I made for myself.

It is so hard to go out and meet people. I understand how hard that is.

But please do not give up hope that it will not happen for you. Please do not give up. I understand the pain of what you are going through. You are not alone.

Thank you for having the courage to express how you feel right now. Hugs.

 

[keifer]

I think when I said done, I ment done with life. My therapist said I was ready for a relationship. I watched a Chicago fire episode on suicide. I cried and no idea why.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are so worth fighting to stay alive for. You have a future and a hope. You are better than you think you are and you are not as bad as you think you are. Hang on and please take very gentle care of yourself at this time in your life.

Many times I felt like you did, but finally realized, I wanted escape from the pain.

 

[keifer]

I don't want to live with this pain anymore.

 

[joeylittle]

I hear you.

One of the better DBT teachers I've had along the way defined suffering as the result of fighting with reality. I suffer when I think about being as I am, in my 40s and not likely to or capable of ever getting/sustaining a long-term intimate relationship. I fight against that and I suffer.

When I look at where I am as just this moment, and practice radical acceptance, I can see that thinking things are permanent is just that: a thought. Nothing more or less.

I'm not saying that to undermine you at all. Please know that. Struggling with all this is so, so hard.

Please call a hotline (1-800-273-TALK is a nice one) and get a human voice in your ear. It helps.

 

[keifer]

My nightmares are back to the point I get a few hours of good sleep. It really drains me. I doubt talking to anyone will help.

 

[shimmerz]

Trapped is such a horrible place to be. @keifer in my own special way I too have felt what I am hearing you say. It is a scary place to be. There were no words. Haunted by nightmares is such a frustrating (so many other words belong here) place. Your lack of sleep is most likely affecting you. It is so draining. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts.

 

[anthony]

@keifer all you have to really worry about it going forward, regardless the symptoms right now. Symptoms come and go, and from your own admission, you have good and bad days. Don't focus on the bad, but instead when on a bad day, focus on the good and put into place techniques to get you out of a funk and decrease symptoms.

Wanting to die is just part and parcel of PTSD.