I'm Feel Weird And Uncomfortable When People Tell Me They Love Me

[Sally sue]

What is that all about???!!!

When someone tells me "I love you" (like a friend or extended family) I go into almost a kind of shock :(.

I know I want to be loved, to feel that others love me, but I guess at the heart of it, I don't believe them. I don't know how to deal with this issue, suggestions?

It's kind of interesting that when my kids were little, I took an immediate hatred for Barney (big purple TV Dino), especially after I heard the "I love you" song feeling that it was a horrible thing...how could a TV Dino love anyone?

I feel like a terrible person that being told "I love you" makes me feel so uncomfortable, sigh.

Anybody else have this issue?

Sally Sue

 

[Casey_03]

You should definitely not feel like a terrible person for getting this feeling! I get it too, and I think it's normal for many people with PTSD. At least, many PTSD sufferers who I have known say they get the same feeling. I've never been able to figure out why some of us get this feeling, but my guess is that if you were abused by someone who was supposed to love you, or who you thought loved you, hearing those words makes you suspicious or somehow reminds you of the trauma. That's what it is for me at least. I don't just feel weird when I hear "I love you," I actually get angry, because I assume it's a lie. Normally, I just try to take a step back and look at the situation objectively, and I assure myself that this is just a result of the PTSD. Doesn't mean anything bad, just harder for some of us to digest than it is for non-PTSD people. Hope this helps. You're definitely not alone!

 

[Bonsiren]

Right there with you. There is one man on this planet who can say those three words to me, and we've been in a committed relationship for a while. It was hard to shake those suspicious feelings, but he was worth it, and I did eventually.

Still, his mother has been making a greater effort to include me in the family and has been telling me that she loves me. I've a few friends that tell me they love me. It's weird. To me, anyway.

For most of my life, the only people who told me they loved me had less-than-pure intentions. Maybe there was a connection established between the expression and the unspeakable actions that followed? I get the same way about people who apologize, because too many people apologized without meaning it and without attempting to stop the abuse or protect me. If it's someone I've known a long time, it's more of a weird feeling. But if it's someone I've known for less than a year, it bothers me. A lot.

@Sally sue Don't think to much on it. You are who you are, and you're not a terrible person.

In my experience, I had to learn to get comfortable letting people into my life. I did so slowly and at my pace. The I love you thing still weirds me out a bit, but I'm beginning to believe that they mean it.

 

[Rumors]

Yes, my radar goes off and I think, "danger" or "they don't really know me and if they did they wouldn't say that..." I have rationalized this over time and now I say to myself every morning, "you are worthy of love and happiness." At some point, it has just stuck although when I am having an emotionally hard time, I still struggle with the thought someone could really love me so I say my little thing a couple times a day.
Good luck!!!!

 

[The Albatross]

I get uncomfortable about it too... immediately becoming distrustful and skeptical when I hear it (except from my spouse). First thought is most often, "No you don't." Followed by, "What do you want or are you expecting from me?" Then the, "I should be able to hear this, what's wrong with me?"

This week someone left me an uplifting voice message, singing to me "You Are My Sunshine". Though it was meant to uplift, it made me uncomfortable... "you'll never know dear, how much I love you". Ack.

I don't think I'm a terrible person. I think I'm a person who has been conditioned to stress out and get skeptical when people tell me they love me because of my direct personal experiences. It does make me feel sad though, that a friend or some friends can tell me that... and I know that they are well intentioned and trustworthy people that I care about but I cringe inside. Hard to square up.

I have been able on a few rare occasions to say it... and mean it to others, but in my own head there is always a kick back. I can manage it now... but am still not comfortable with hearing it that well.

 

[The Albatross]

For most of my life, the only people who told me they loved me had less-than-pure intentions. Maybe there was a connection established between the expression and the unspeakable actions that followed? I get the same way about people who apologize, because too many people apologized without meaning it and without attempting to stop the abuse or protect me. If it's someone I've known a long time, it's more of a weird feeling. But if it's someone I've known for less than a year, it bothers me. A lot.

Hear, here... same for me, including the apologizing.

 

[Justmehere]

"I love you" has come from people who abused me, nearly to the point of death. For me, it's a trigger of trauma. It also makes me angry when people say it lightly.

I say it back sometimes. I am not sure why. I mean it. But it's an incredibly vulnerable thing to be loved and to love someone else.

 

[Sally sue]

Yes, @Casey_03 "I don't just feel weird when I hear "I love you," I actually get angry, because I assume it's a lie", that's how I feel too!!!! I can't figure out why I would feel angry and that makes me feel guilty, but I sure wish I didn't feel that way :(.

 

[illusionist]

With my children it was so important to me that I verbally told them, as well as showing them, that I loved them.I had no problem with hearing it from them, nor still do, as adults.. I had no love or affection from the age of four and went through abuses and neglect from then on. I was adored the four years before that, which tells me the theory of being shown love and nurturing in the first five years of life are so important, holds true for me. I however, feel uncomfortable being told by anyone else. I used find myself thinking " no, you love what you get from me" and still do when it is said to me inappropriately i.e. they don't know me to love me. I accept it from my partner with a slight feeling of unease now, although I have no problem feeling it or saying it to him.

 

[Ellabella44]

i have trouble with that too especially now. being hugged by someone who wants to show me love or comfort is uncomfortable. im back in my head not able to trust because i was unable to trust my parents when they did the same. and yeah ricter scale thats pretty much it ... you love what you can get from me... and that I love you or a hug was supposed to fix everything and make it alright. only it doesnt when the person who does it is one of the people who scares you. and an ex boyfriend who had a huge impact on my life, told me that all of the times he said it, he never meant it, i was just something for him to use and toss aside.