So im really bad in friendships and im left to like 1,5 friend. I feel I might push my last friend away by being to confrontational. And it makes me wonder if the frienship is healthy and or if Im un healthy due to triggers from Emdr and a bit to much out of context...
Situation:
The day before I had emdr trying to speak up for my inner kid and after that Ive been reading about scapegoats. Next day, I finally had a video call with my friend, a promise that wasnt kept for a while. She spoke 20 minutes about how bad her kid behaved while he was an angel coloring in his book hearing every word...
So she then talked about some problems with builders for the kitchen and how passive agressieve she was for sending an "angry email" with no hallo OR goodbye! Like SO angry!!!
I couldnt help but wonder, if she was to affraid to express her anger to the grown ups and that she might take it out on her kid. I know its "easier"... thats why I don't have kids, untill im safe enough. So curious I asked what if she would go to the beach and scream it all out. Ow no.. she is angry sometimes at her oldest son for pushing his little brother (BIG trigger for me sibbling abuse). Ofcourse its not ok and then she told me she would put him in the hallway allone untill he calmed down. Checking all the boxes of the reading for scapegoat children by this point. She was even proud that this was so effective that threating him with it, would make him listen for 10 minutes. I misunderstood and thought she would keep him alone for 10 minutes in the hallway, he is 3. He would cry into surender, no where to go because of a fence. She didn't like it, but it was very effectieve.
I asked wheater that was fair to do so? To me it seems he misses security in his love since he has a little brother and is acting out (like mine did, with severe abuse as result) for already 3/4 of this year this is going on... so I asked what they did to support him with that. Silence and more sitting on the stairs alone storys.
It feels unfair to me by using control and punishement he still lacks his needs met...
So I kinda got irritated. But Ofcourse Im the bad guy because Im the one with no kids, so I don't know what its like. I make her out to be a bad mother... for asking if its fair to bully her kid into listening(i was really triggert by this time) and she is not so bad. Im very rude to say so and other people wouldn't tolerante me, but she did because she knows I got triggert and want the best for the kids, just like her. I ended up apoligizing, but I don't know...
I think society norms are sometimes not healthy for a kid, I would like to be free to discusses these things with a friend, because that freedom makes friendships to me... and if I ever do have kids, I would be so gratefull for this honesty! To protect them from uncouncious paterns!!!
Am I to rigid, for not fully acepting her choices? I don't feel like asking them to come over anymore, because if this comes up I worry I get so triggert I might become violent... XD like way worse than her with her kid...
Am I over reacting? Or is there something weird going on?
I also notice that when she asks me how I am, and I relpy honestly with last couple days not so good. She often replys like: aw well sun is shining... everything will have a happy ending!!! And then she promises things she doesn't do, what makes me feel worse then before.
My disney story died 2 years ago and I woke up to real life, raw but real! I have no need to downplay that, or to sparkle glitter annymore. It just is wat it is now and it will change.
Situation:
The day before I had emdr trying to speak up for my inner kid and after that Ive been reading about scapegoats. Next day, I finally had a video call with my friend, a promise that wasnt kept for a while. She spoke 20 minutes about how bad her kid behaved while he was an angel coloring in his book hearing every word...
So she then talked about some problems with builders for the kitchen and how passive agressieve she was for sending an "angry email" with no hallo OR goodbye! Like SO angry!!!
I couldnt help but wonder, if she was to affraid to express her anger to the grown ups and that she might take it out on her kid. I know its "easier"... thats why I don't have kids, untill im safe enough. So curious I asked what if she would go to the beach and scream it all out. Ow no.. she is angry sometimes at her oldest son for pushing his little brother (BIG trigger for me sibbling abuse). Ofcourse its not ok and then she told me she would put him in the hallway allone untill he calmed down. Checking all the boxes of the reading for scapegoat children by this point. She was even proud that this was so effective that threating him with it, would make him listen for 10 minutes. I misunderstood and thought she would keep him alone for 10 minutes in the hallway, he is 3. He would cry into surender, no where to go because of a fence. She didn't like it, but it was very effectieve.
I asked wheater that was fair to do so? To me it seems he misses security in his love since he has a little brother and is acting out (like mine did, with severe abuse as result) for already 3/4 of this year this is going on... so I asked what they did to support him with that. Silence and more sitting on the stairs alone storys.
It feels unfair to me by using control and punishement he still lacks his needs met...
So I kinda got irritated. But Ofcourse Im the bad guy because Im the one with no kids, so I don't know what its like. I make her out to be a bad mother... for asking if its fair to bully her kid into listening(i was really triggert by this time) and she is not so bad. Im very rude to say so and other people wouldn't tolerante me, but she did because she knows I got triggert and want the best for the kids, just like her. I ended up apoligizing, but I don't know...
I think society norms are sometimes not healthy for a kid, I would like to be free to discusses these things with a friend, because that freedom makes friendships to me... and if I ever do have kids, I would be so gratefull for this honesty! To protect them from uncouncious paterns!!!
Am I to rigid, for not fully acepting her choices? I don't feel like asking them to come over anymore, because if this comes up I worry I get so triggert I might become violent... XD like way worse than her with her kid...
Am I over reacting? Or is there something weird going on?
I also notice that when she asks me how I am, and I relpy honestly with last couple days not so good. She often replys like: aw well sun is shining... everything will have a happy ending!!! And then she promises things she doesn't do, what makes me feel worse then before.
My disney story died 2 years ago and I woke up to real life, raw but real! I have no need to downplay that, or to sparkle glitter annymore. It just is wat it is now and it will change.