I'm In A Rut. Any Tips, Please?

[Meh]

Hi everyone,
I have PTSD, and I'm in such a rut at the moment. My T says my trauma therapy is going well, which is great, but it's brought up all the stories of what happened to me (4 years in a sexually abusive relationship). I still have a lot more information to "purge", and my T said during the process it's likely I will be feeling pretty rough.

I guess I'm really not coping. I don't want to go work, I don't want to see friends, I have almost zero patience with my son and husband, and end up dissociating to deal with getting through the day without completely melting down. I'm barely sleeping, even with the assistance of some meds and just feel so exhausted by my day to day life. To make things worse my husband has hurt himself and is not able to help with our son as much over the next week.

I do meditation, mindfulness exercises, physical exercise, make sure I get outside, reading, meditation/coloring in, having a nice warm shower etc. but still I feel terrible. I feel like I'm going inside myself and don't want anyone around me. It's not an option obviously. I've got a long way to go with Therapy but need some new ideas of how to cope. The days between sessions are awful and I feel like I'm losing my mind (more than I already have!!) I'm struggling really badly :(

Does anyone have any other suggestions of ways to help with this depression? I'm up for trying anything at this stage as I'm desperate.

Thanks!!

 

[barefoot]

Sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment. It sounds like you're going great guns therapy-wise and really getting stuck in and processing and doing the hard stuff. And it also sounds like you're doing well on the self-care front - doing activities that you know help you. Are there any other things you can do to soothe/comfort yourself?

Unfortunately, processing trauma does stir a whole load of shit up, which tends to mean we feel worse before we feel better. So, how you're feeling now is "normal" and understandable and to be expected. And that doesn't take away from how awful it feels - and I can't certainly relate to this.

My only other thought is whether you and your therapist can put the brakes on for a bit. Are you processing trauma every session? If so, that's really full-on and means that you're not really getting any time to recover/recalibrate between sessions. Others here may disagree and think that cracking on and pushing through it all week after week is the way to go. I know I wouldn't be able to do it that way. Might be worth a conversation with your therapist to see whether slowing the trauma work down might help you?

Be kind to yourself - you're doing something really difficult and really brave.

 

[Seasounds]

I have found that everything helmed more towel able when I I take enough medication to get 6 hours of sleep. Otherwise, by processing the trauma my brain doesn't 'down regulate', and then I don't get good rest-which feels like another trauma. I use a small dose of and SSRI (helps my motivation), in am and lorazepam at night. It has been worth it.

The other activities that really help my brain shift out of the depression from bring up trauma memories, is doing a rigorous exercise with another person, such as self-defense, martial arts, or partner dancing classes (swing salsa, waltz, foxtrot, etc.) one to two hours. This is a new discovery for me.

There is something about doing an activity with another person, that I mentioned above, that helps me stay more engaged than if I did the exercise myself; this helps my brain shift out of the trauma-depression phase. One good work-out helps significantly. With those activities I don't feel nearly as depressed. I do still need a medication to help me sleep. I've been so depressed, recently, after therapy, starting this coming week, after my next session, I'm going straight for a two hour class. Initially, I won't feel like I can do it; then,with a gentle and persistant intention to keep going, within about 20 minutes, I can tell that I'm able to make through the class.

On another note, there is always the option to talk to your therapist to space out the sessions that focus on trauma. In between those sessions you could work on other things. Good luck with your search for helpful ideas.

 

[mary1979]

Sounds like you are trying to do everything you can to minimalize your depression already.

I wish there was an easy fix, id be all over it myself.

The whole worse before it gets better is something I dread, no matter how necessary. It still sucks.

Hugs and reassurance from your loved ones and anything to knock you out so you can get a break from your thoughts is the only thing I can come up with.

Hugs to you, it can only get better from here x

 

[Meh]

Thanks everyone. I feel like I'm doing everything in my power and it's just not helping. I'll just keep persevering.

I'm seeing my T regularly. We don't focus on trauma every time but she did say I REALLY need to get it out as I've kept it all secret for about 8 years. Once I have got it out, I can start to reprocess and rebuild. I never "felt" the trauma at the time, and certainly didn't process it. So I have to go through feeling it as well which is tough given I just ignored it/dissociated.

My support network isn't huge. Only a few people know about the trauma and I'm not ready to tell a wider group of friends yet. And I can't tell my family for a number of reasons. So I suppose I'm feeling pretty lonely in all of this as well. Over time I'll tell more people. I can't even verbalise some of the trauma yet, and have to write it down.

A long way to go it would seem. Need to remain focused and motivated. Urgh...

 

[barefoot]

I so relate to everything you're saying.

Hang in there - you're doing good (even though I know it doesn't feel good!)

And you have a support network here too, which is also another outlet to "get things out". So keep posting and sharing and asking for support when you need it.

 

[Meh]

I so relate to everything you're saying.

Hang in there - you're doing good (even though I know it does...

Thank you!! Feel like I have a lot to get rid of - it's like I'm poisoned. So so so want to get better and feel some happiness again.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'd suggest taking longer breaks between therapy sessions. Maybe you are doing too much too soon in that department. This is just my opinion. My therapist chose to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on me instead of trauma therapy. She stayed into the present life and its difficulties instead of going head on into the past and its traumas. I am doing very well in life at the moment mentally and have been for several years, though I do have some physical problems related to a pinched nerve and a bacterial infection. I also had some bad reactions to some meds, which set me baCK A BIT, BUT OTHER THAN THAT, MY MENTAL STATE HAS BEEN GOOD MOST OF THE TIME (OOPS, caps loc, sorry). These things are unrelated to my traumas, obviously.

I am 12 years down the line or so from my PTSD diagnosis, and I have never done trauma therapy.

 

[Meh]

Thanks for that. Yes, maybe breaks are the way to go. Or alternate trauma sessions with sessions focusing on different things. I don't actually feel comfortable going too long without seeing her. Having some time off the serious stuff will help though. Thank u