I'm In Love And It Is Scary

[Mariah]

I want to start by saying, my PTSD stems from a very severe car accident and sexual assault. I'm in therapy, it is going well and I do feel as though it is helping me. Things are still really hard, the sessions and my day afterward are very emotional. For a long time I haven't been interested in dating anyone, I really just wanted to focus on myself and work on healing. But recently I met this man and I couldn't stop myself from loving him. He is so kind to me, he tries so hard to help me and always tries to make me happy. I'm scared of screwing everything up. Things are moving so fast, we've both fallen hard for each other. But I get anxious and paranoid and scared and he tries to get me to talk to him about every little thing I'm feeling. I don't want to tell him how I feel all of the time. I feel ridiculous and stupid for the things I worry about. I know communication is important, and what I'm wondering is, is it okay for me to keep some of these emotions from him? I always want to be honest with him and I know he wants to know but sometimes I really feel like I'm just being over dramatic and the issue is not worth mentioning. I saw him check this girl out last night and I got so mad, so upset, and he could tell. When he asked me what was wrong (like 100x) and I said I didn't want to talk about it he seemed irritated. Which I can understand. But I also understand that men just look at women. And that's normal. What wasn't normal was my jealousy, and I didn't want to upset him by making a big deal of it. I guess what I'm really asking is when is it okay to hide how I feel and how do I know if my emotions are going to make him more upset than me not expressing those emotions to him? Am I just being completely and totally ridiculous about this entire thing? He loves me, I know he does. He really shows it, he cares to know what is going on with me. He doesn't understand PTSD at all. I don't expect him to, it just makes it difficult to explain these weird over-the-top emotions to him. I do not doubt our relationship at all, for once I'm actually confident about something. I'm confident in his love, but I don't want to hurt him.

 

[shimmerz]

and he tries to get me to talk to him about every little thing I'm feeling.

This seems wrong to me. Be very careful who you share with. Especially if this is a new relationship. Your feelings belong to you and can be used against you in the wrong hands. Boundaries are especially important in new relationships.

if my emotions are going to make him more upset

It is not up to you to protect him from being upset. I have been with many guys who do not 'check out' another female while I am with them. And if they do, loookkkk ouuuuut. It is disrespectful.

 

[reallydown]

No offense but he sounds a little bit controlling...and you say things have moved really fast...Please be careful. As @shimmerz says, your emotions are your own and you shouldn't have to account for every single little thing to him, or to anyone. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with the others. It takes such a long time to get to really know a person. Please slow things down between you both.

He does sound controlling and this is just the tip of the iceburg of this man I think on the little you talked about him. I wish you good luck.

 

[Friday]

I always want to be honest with him and I know he wants to know but sometimes I really feel like I'm just being over dramatic and the issue is not worth mentioning.

What wasn't normal was my jealousy, and I didn't want to upset him by making a big deal of it.

I guess what I'm really asking is when is it okay to hide how I feel and how do I know if my emotions are going to make him more upset than me not expressing those emotions to him?

"You don't have to lie, but you don't have to run around shouting the truth, either." -family saying.

What I do, because I really can't stand lying, is to tell the truth.

What's wrong? // I'm having a jealous moment.

There. The truth. The whole babbling insecure rage filled truth? Nope! The pure and simple truth. Not just that, but a version of the truth we can both do something with. (Like a serious, territory claiming kiss right then and there). Or banter with. (Oooooh like Greene eyed monster? // Mmmhmm. With fangs. And possibly body parts strewn about. And weeping. Definitely weeping. Widows and mothers crying in the streets ;) ) Or treat seriously. Or acknowledge and move on. Or, or, or. Because the pure and simple truth has a lot of different directions it can take.

Also...

What's wrong? // I haven't decided, yet.
What's wrong? // Feelings, man. I keep getting snuck up on and bit by feelings. Give me a minute to get to get it to let go, or to stop humping my leg, whatever the heck is going on here. Fracking emotions. :p
What's wrong? // Damn good question. I think I'm overreacting to something.

Whole lot of different ways to tell the truth, be honest, and let someone in... Without vommitting nonsense all over them. Especially before you're even sure if it is nonsense.

 

[BlueOrange]

I guess what I'm really asking is when is it okay to hide how I feel and how do I know if my emotions are going to make him more upset than me not expressing those emotions to him?

It's really hard to tell, and it will always be really hard to tell.

You're allowed to have boundaries (they're often a good idea). You're allowed to say things that might upset people. His feelings are ultimately his responsibility, just like you're taking responsibility for your feelings.