Sufferer I'm In My 30's And Just Started Therapy

[Michaelchan]

Hi everyone I am new too all this, I have been reading the forum a bit then registered after I needed too to keep viewing.

It's been helpful knowing I am not alone and I appreciate the well thought out and well written posts here.

A bit about myself without getting too specific, I have had depression/anxiety issues since I was a kid, then in my teenage years went numb too everything and withdrew and lived in my head.

Now I'm in my 30's and just started therapy, who advised that due too childhood abuse ( all types) and a dysfunctional family I was traumatised. Right now she said she is getting me safe first before we touch on the stuff that happened.

I am kinda scared, in my second session something weird happened, the pyschologist just kept repeating "its not your fault" and my whole arms started to shake, I cant remember any feeling just shaking and tears and it scared me.

I keep asking "how long is this going to take" so far I have had three therapy sessions, you only get 10 a year free medicare ones but I am not getting a clear answer.

Thing is I can remember what happened but have no feelings, It did happen allot but, it just seems lame that I have to relive stuff that happened from when I was 4 years old onwards, that was a long time ago.

I cant trust anyone, never have, hate being touched physically and emotionally, reason for therapy is im getting bored, the anxiety went away in my late 20's I did that by being numb, but it feels like ive been a zombie.

Anyway ranting.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums! Glad you are here. PTSD is really rough for sure. I'm sorry for what you have gone through - both the trauma and PTSD symptoms.

 

[junglegirl]

I am glad you joined. I hope you feel better through the support here and with your new therapist.

Welcome!

 

[arfie]

Hi Michael. Welcome to the forum.

You are not getting a clear answer on how long it takes to heal from PTSD because there are no clear answers. It is a unique journey for each of us. It takes what it takes. I wouldn't trust a therapist who claimed they could give me a precise timeline for recovery.

I think it's pretty lame to have to keep re-living the past, too, but now that I understand the link between my childhood trauma and that inability to feel, etc., I believe I am re-living the past allot less now than I was when I was tie into the dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

However it all works out in your own unique journey, I hope you are able find healing companionship here.

 

[franciemarnie]

Welcome!

When you were shaking, you were releasing trauma energy that didn't get released at the time. You are starting to reboot the system. Yay!

But oh I know it is tough. I am 57 and didn't start significantly releasing until a few years ago. I had done only talk therapy, which gave me understanding but kept me going in loops with no internal change.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Hashi]

Welcome to the forum, Michael.

I relate to a lot of what you wrote - all kinds of childhood abuse, and withdrawing into my own head.

I used to minimise my childhood trauma. I thought it was just a "bad childhood" and should all be in the past now. Unfortunately, it has a big effect that stays with us. If you've been numbing and zombie-ing your way through that - which I also did - there may be a lot of suppressed energy and emotion that is frozen inside.

That's the bad news. The good news is that this can be processed and we can work our way through it. If you experience shaking, it's a good thing because trauma energy is starting to be released. You might also feel cold in places, or all over. You might wake up perspiring, not from a nightmare or night terror, but because your body is processing.

Hmmm... I'm not doing a very good job of making it sound like good news, probably! But I'm trying to say that some of the strange and scary things we experience can be a good thing, a sign of healing.

I think for most of us this is takes time. You may well need to start looking for more therapy than your 10 free sessions with the psychologist. I'm in the UK and I had therapy through a charity here - maybe there are some options like that where you are?