Sufferer I'm New Here And Having Relapse Of Ptsd

[KiwiKaren]

Hi there,

I've just found this website through google and thought it would be nice to talk to people who understand what it;'s like to have PTSD, athough wouldn't wish it on anyone!

I've always been a bit of an anxious person growing up as had a traumatic childhood with my father committing suicide when I was 9 and my Mum being over controlling. I'm an only child. Roll on into adulthood I had a little girl 6 years ago, had her 14 weeks prematurely as I got pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, I nearly died. They had to get her out to save my life.

She has been through so much and 6 years later you wouldn't know what she had been through, she's so amazing! One year after her birth I was overcome with overwhelming anxiety, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, flashbacks, etc and was diagnosed with PTSD by the doctor, husband had to take me in because I am petrified of doctors and honestly feel like they violate me after all that happened in hospital. I ended up on 40 mg citalopram and saw a psychotherapist. About 3 years later I was weaned from the medication and was doing well, had on and off 'moments' but managed to float through.

Roll on to this year, just before her 6th birthday I started feeling overwhelmed, had the racing heart, insomnia, etc and hubby took me to the doctors again. I was put on 20 mg citalopram, after a few weeks I started to feel more 'normal'. I did ask at the time about seeing a therapist through the public health system but I wasn't in 'enough crisis'. In May I had to go for a smear and then a mammogram at the hospital, this completely triggered me again and since them I have been feeling completely overwhelmed, my heart races, have flashbacks from any traumatic experience at doctors and hospitals and insomnia.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and feel like I am having a mental breakdown. I am finding things so difficult and really don't know where to go/what to do from here. I am petrified I am going to die like I almost did having my daughter. Thanks for reading all of this!!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I just want to respond and tell you that you are not alone. I have two boys and their arrivals were not easy especially the second one- lots of drama and definitely some trauma for me. My experience isn't as extreme as yours, but I wanted you to know that I read your post and can relate a little. I hope you can find the help and support you need. Coming here is a great start as there is a lot of support here.

 

[open eyes]

Hi, my PTSD was caused by something different, but I can relate to some of what you're saying about relapsing. When something triggers me, I have to sort of analyze it in my head. I try to remove myself from the situation a little bit, & determine whether it's an actual or perceived threat. Perceived threats are triggers that won't cause you physical harm, but might remind you of something in the past that did. Different strategies work for different people but doing this can help ground you & give you a baseline to work off of.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Hi there @KiwiKaren , welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry you've been through so much suffering and that it's still affecting you like this.

I can also imagine how frustrating it must be for others to judge you like that; keeping you from the help you need because they think you're not suffering enough yet. Personally, I think that such a thing is a huge flaw in the health care system. Eventually it'll only get more expensive, because the longer you have to wait, the more care you'll need once you are "in enough crisis".

Anyway, I'm glad you found your way to this forum and I hope you'll feel safe here.

 

[It's Me]

Hi I just wanted to say I totally get where you're coming from about the going to the doctors bit and feeling like that - places like that trigger me too :( even though it was t happening directly to me. You're not alone and I'm new here too
X

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so happy that you found this forum. It has helped me so much and I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. You have been so traumatized and my heart really goes out to you now. I wish you much healing and recovery. I sure wish the health system would be there for you. How dare they say you have not suffered enough.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum and I hope you find this site helpful as you work on recovery.