BloomInWinter
VIP Member
Call them, tell them your symptoms, and don't minimize. If they don't give you a referral, then say 'Please...I need to talk to someone. Today.'
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- #26
S
sharky
Yes. I live in Michigan.
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- #27
S
sharky
I sent an email to a PTSD specialist that looks very trusting and lives about 40 minutes away but she doesn't take insurance and is 70-80 dollars a visit, which is money I don't have. But she says in her add she is willing to direct you to anyone for free. I want a female specialist(I will never feel comfortable around a male therapist), and hopefully one that will take my insurance and so the co-pay for me will be around 20 dollars.
Medicsw/PTSD
New Here
Sharky,
bloom is right on with her point that the responsibility lies within you to take charge of your therapy. I respectfully disagree that a ' good enough T with some empathy is adaquate.'. I think a good T will do their best to make you comfortable and conducive to the therapy environment. More importantly , in regards to Bloom's wording, she is demonstrating a process of her perception that you should pay particular attention to your approach to therapy. She is inferring for you to take action and be direct in your approach. I drive all the way to dc( about an hour from me ) because I am comfortable with my therapist. She incorporates a good mixture of empathy and empowerment. It would be a great idea for you to bring a list of expectations you hope to get out of your therapy. This provides a foundation for you and your therapist to begin. Try to stay away from negative expectations such as " I do not want to remember what I went through" or, " I do not want to share my experience with those closed to me. Instead, I recommend you focus on realistic short and long term goals such as " I want to be able to express joy and love to those I am close to." this will both display a genuine eagerness to begin therapy and help you track your progress. Finally, there is a possibility your therapist will want you to recall the events that occurred and again you control the tempo. I just caution that you should refrain from dispelling this notion altogether because as you begin to show improvement, you may eventually come to the realization of recalling these events being monumentally therapeutic.
Bloom, I hope I represented you correctly but please correct any errors I may have made in my interpretation.
bloom is right on with her point that the responsibility lies within you to take charge of your therapy. I respectfully disagree that a ' good enough T with some empathy is adaquate.'. I think a good T will do their best to make you comfortable and conducive to the therapy environment. More importantly , in regards to Bloom's wording, she is demonstrating a process of her perception that you should pay particular attention to your approach to therapy. She is inferring for you to take action and be direct in your approach. I drive all the way to dc( about an hour from me ) because I am comfortable with my therapist. She incorporates a good mixture of empathy and empowerment. It would be a great idea for you to bring a list of expectations you hope to get out of your therapy. This provides a foundation for you and your therapist to begin. Try to stay away from negative expectations such as " I do not want to remember what I went through" or, " I do not want to share my experience with those closed to me. Instead, I recommend you focus on realistic short and long term goals such as " I want to be able to express joy and love to those I am close to." this will both display a genuine eagerness to begin therapy and help you track your progress. Finally, there is a possibility your therapist will want you to recall the events that occurred and again you control the tempo. I just caution that you should refrain from dispelling this notion altogether because as you begin to show improvement, you may eventually come to the realization of recalling these events being monumentally therapeutic.
Bloom, I hope I represented you correctly but please correct any errors I may have made in my interpretation.
BloomInWinter
VIP Member
There are also victim's service agencies which deal with survivors all the time. You might want to call them and see if you qualify for free or reduced costs for your treatment.
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- #30
S
sharky
Wow. Thank you. I am definitely going to do this. I've been so freaked out lately that I don't know how to go about doing things. Especially concerning getting help. But I'm proud of myself for making the first HUGE steps in my own path to recovery(at least I think and am pretty confident they're positive):
1. I wrote down everything in a trauma diary on here, which although I skipped parts that take me an immense strain to remember, I wrote down things that I've never said or typed or written down or anything like that. The furthest I ever got was when I wrote a short story in a Creative Writing class in high school, and the 'incident' of the story was getting punched once in the collar bone and then feeling embarrassment in front of my friends when they came around and saw the 'red mark' on my neck. It conveyed some of the feelings I felt, but it wasn't a recall of an ACTUAL incident, and I was able to detach myself, in a way, by creating a lesser version of what happened to me and almost 'pretending' that it wasn't even about me at all. So, actually writing down the real things that happened = huge for me(I'm sure there are other people on here that have done the same thing).
2. Getting at least one book(so far) that addresses PTSD in some way. It helps to cement in my head that this happened to me, not in a movie or to someone else.
3. After writing the trauma diary, sending it in an email to my boyfriend. We were starting to lose each other as I got worse, and he reacted worse to my episodes and my anxiety and everything. The book is also helping with him on this too, as it's meant for people who have relations with sufferers. But telling him what happened was not only a big step, at least I think, in the understanding but also he was like the 'practice round' for me, to be able to tell someone else(a therapist). Otherwise I'd still just be battling with all of these memories and self-combative thoughts in my head, totally alone. But yesterday and today, I have been able to tell my boyfriend so many more things. Like why I can't sit on a couch/chair/etc around other people without having a pillow or something covering up my stomach(extremely self-conscious) amungst a lot of other things; why I don't talk to friends anymore when we hangout with them, why I avoid ever talking to his mother, and so on. It feels really good to talk to someone instead of feeling so anxious and horrible because I never could before.
4. I emailed a PTSD specialist to point me in the right direction of where to find someone. Which I'm very proud of myself for doing. :)
Medicsw/PTSD
New Here
Good for you. You're right on track!
BloomInWinter
VIP Member
Sharky,
You're doing great work.
I'd try to set my expectations low for a response from your boyfriend regarding your diary. Lay people who aren't suffering from PTSD often have no way of understanding what we go through.
Trying to tell them is like a bat telling us what it's like to be a bat.
This stuff really needs to be shared with a T. for the validating, therapeutic response that will help heal it. Most non-therapist types just aren't equipped with the skills necessary to help us transform our trauma into healing. Though they may wish to, it's just unlikely to happen.
Keep writing, reading, seeking out those who can be there for you, and most of all, speaking gently to yourself. You're doing doing great!
You're doing great work.
I'd try to set my expectations low for a response from your boyfriend regarding your diary. Lay people who aren't suffering from PTSD often have no way of understanding what we go through.
Trying to tell them is like a bat telling us what it's like to be a bat.
This stuff really needs to be shared with a T. for the validating, therapeutic response that will help heal it. Most non-therapist types just aren't equipped with the skills necessary to help us transform our trauma into healing. Though they may wish to, it's just unlikely to happen.
Keep writing, reading, seeking out those who can be there for you, and most of all, speaking gently to yourself. You're doing doing great!
Sharky, hi. Thank you so much for coming here and sharing. i can see things are getting a little bit better since your partner showed the understanding after reading some of your inner thoughts. He also may have some things to sort out from earlier times in his life that kind of get restimulated by what is going on.
The point about your therapist is if you are not being helped and you feel so bad about her, when would be a good time to quit? It pains us to think that you might pay her to make you feel lousy even one more time. Perhaps the only thing you owe her to tell her how you really feel so that in the future she might treat people with a bit more awareness. Anyway you are looking for someone and i hope you have success really soon.
The coffee? I know it is not the issue but to me it is symptomatic of where her head is at. Even with light counselling I believe it is not on but to be dealing with somebody's trauma and drinking coffee feels so presumptuous especially when she knows it is so distracting for you. Maybe a little water in a long session but most T's don't go beyond an hour.
I hope things continue to get better and that you find a good therapist soon.
You deserve the best there is. : o )
The point about your therapist is if you are not being helped and you feel so bad about her, when would be a good time to quit? It pains us to think that you might pay her to make you feel lousy even one more time. Perhaps the only thing you owe her to tell her how you really feel so that in the future she might treat people with a bit more awareness. Anyway you are looking for someone and i hope you have success really soon.
The coffee? I know it is not the issue but to me it is symptomatic of where her head is at. Even with light counselling I believe it is not on but to be dealing with somebody's trauma and drinking coffee feels so presumptuous especially when she knows it is so distracting for you. Maybe a little water in a long session but most T's don't go beyond an hour.
I hope things continue to get better and that you find a good therapist soon.
You deserve the best there is. : o )
- Post starter
- #34
S
sharky
To Bloom - That basically sums up what I told my boyfriend last night after he was getting a little big angry with why I have such a huge deal with pornographic material, and sex on t.v (even so much as when women are showing too much of their legs). And how it makes me feel like because I am a woman I feel like men think I am here to be their object. It has gotten so bad that we can hardly watch television anymore. So then I told him basically (not my exact wording), "Hey, I can't make you think what I'm thinking. Or see what I see in my brain. The only thing I ask of you at this point, is to try and not get angry with everything I say or do. The only thing you asked of me, was to get help. And that's what I'm doing. I'm not asking you to go through my trauma or even try and see what it's like, but just acknowledge that you do not understand, and I need your support by not having you continuously arguing with me everytime a problem like this comes up, especially when I feel so strongly about it and you know it."
And to Sunrise, thank you for the support. :) It really means a lot to me how many people on here are willing to support each other. Once I'm better and I have REAL advice to give someone, I want to change from being the person on here asking for help, to being the one giving it. Everyone makes me feel so much more comfortable with all of these issues than anyone in my real life at the moment. I feel like I've said all of this a lot already, but it's true. I am in love with the people here. They all give me comfort; you, Bloom, Medicsw, Frozen, and the list goes on(I have a hard time remembering peoples screen names, until I see them then I immediately recognize who they are).
And to Sunrise, thank you for the support. :) It really means a lot to me how many people on here are willing to support each other. Once I'm better and I have REAL advice to give someone, I want to change from being the person on here asking for help, to being the one giving it. Everyone makes me feel so much more comfortable with all of these issues than anyone in my real life at the moment. I feel like I've said all of this a lot already, but it's true. I am in love with the people here. They all give me comfort; you, Bloom, Medicsw, Frozen, and the list goes on(I have a hard time remembering peoples screen names, until I see them then I immediately recognize who they are).
- Post starter
- #35
P
p-no
Hi Sharky,
I just got here and I'd like to let you know of some things I do in therapy with my t.
Sometimes I can not express certain things (especially those that involve memories, the feelings I had then, the feelings I have now about the memories, all the thoughts then and now, etc.) by speaking. Then I will write. Might be only a little piece of paper saying something I want her to know but can not say because "saying it would kill me". Or I take her notepad and will draw something on it (like a graph, for example; it really helps me with communication about closeness with someone, or communication itself). Or I will give her precise information on what I need, example from the other day: "I will write you an e-mail about this, I just can't say it out loud. Please do not approach me about it during therapy; in that case I would have to leave instantly and I'm not sure if I could ever return." (Then, although I am absolutely sure she knows, so I guess I am saying this more for myself, I will "have to" add: This is not to make anything more complicated than it already is. These are just facts. I don't know why it is like this but I know that it is and for the time being, if at all, this is the only way I can imagine doing this.)
We have an agreement now that says that our sessions are flexible in the sense that we sometimes meet in person but I can also write long e-mails which she will reply to as if we were there in person. (We also discussed the details of this agreement, for example the condition (by her) that she can take her time up to two weekends to respond or that she will let me know if she can't find the time until [date]. Also: no e-mail goes unanswered. At least a short acknowledgement will be done (my condition). Etc.) She had asked me why I wanted this agreement and I explained it to her. It took awhile to find the right words so she could understand and relate, but we got there. It is not at all her preferred way of doing this, she said, because she prefers being able to see a person's (my) face, facial expression, eyes, non-verbal communication signs, etc. And that is exactly the reason why I want to do it this way; by talking things over in an e-mail I can think about how to phrase things as best I can (and want) and I can spend time reading hers and trying to understand what she really wants to tell me, considering she's on my side. For me, facial expressions, eyes, non-verbal communication, a look at the clock, etc. can disturb me. In an e-mail, this cannot happen. I know she wants to support me and I know she's on my side; by reading her e-mails I can focus on that and do not get hurt by "side effects" (i.e. wrong look at the wrong time) that really don't mean anything but that I might take as: "she's not listening" or something like it.
When I read that you like writing and do it a lot, I thought, why not write. Why not bring a letter for example; it does not have to be addressed to her or have any particular format. But maybe just write down your thoughts as you do here. And hand it over to your t. once you have one. Let her read it and see how it goes from there. Maybe you can find an agreement of her replying in writing while you're there with her (if you want that); you have a choice!
Also, about choosing a t. I have always refused to accept bad treatment from doctors, etc. or a (prospective) t. as well as having a bad feeling, "bad vibes", about a person I need to trust to make progress. In my country, therapy is covered by the national health insurance plan, which I am very grateful for. You are allowed 5 sessions with each t. (up to three usually, if you can explain why they weren't suitable, more) to find out if (s)he is good for you. So, I made use of that. This way I found two excellent ts, one of which I have returned to after six years away (from the city). Back then, in our first few years of ptsd therapy, she had given me an image I had remembered: she said that when learning how to walk, children must make the experience that they can always, in any circumstances, come running back to their parent in order to build up trust in themselves. When I was away in another part of the country after another trauma, I thought about that and sent an sms to her number (not knowing if she still had it) just saying "I need your help. Can I come back (generally speaking, details to be discussed)?" She replied: "Yes, generally speaking. Let's talk." Holy, I'm about to cry. Okay, so, now I am crying. ;-)
There are some really "good" ts. out there who have decided to share not only their professionalism but also parts of their private lives and who build up your trust by giving you what others did not. Just knowing I'm going to see my t. again on Monday makes me want to hug her. Haven't been ready for that in ages, but maybe it's time.
All the best for you finding your own way.
I just got here and I'd like to let you know of some things I do in therapy with my t.
Sometimes I can not express certain things (especially those that involve memories, the feelings I had then, the feelings I have now about the memories, all the thoughts then and now, etc.) by speaking. Then I will write. Might be only a little piece of paper saying something I want her to know but can not say because "saying it would kill me". Or I take her notepad and will draw something on it (like a graph, for example; it really helps me with communication about closeness with someone, or communication itself). Or I will give her precise information on what I need, example from the other day: "I will write you an e-mail about this, I just can't say it out loud. Please do not approach me about it during therapy; in that case I would have to leave instantly and I'm not sure if I could ever return." (Then, although I am absolutely sure she knows, so I guess I am saying this more for myself, I will "have to" add: This is not to make anything more complicated than it already is. These are just facts. I don't know why it is like this but I know that it is and for the time being, if at all, this is the only way I can imagine doing this.)
We have an agreement now that says that our sessions are flexible in the sense that we sometimes meet in person but I can also write long e-mails which she will reply to as if we were there in person. (We also discussed the details of this agreement, for example the condition (by her) that she can take her time up to two weekends to respond or that she will let me know if she can't find the time until [date]. Also: no e-mail goes unanswered. At least a short acknowledgement will be done (my condition). Etc.) She had asked me why I wanted this agreement and I explained it to her. It took awhile to find the right words so she could understand and relate, but we got there. It is not at all her preferred way of doing this, she said, because she prefers being able to see a person's (my) face, facial expression, eyes, non-verbal communication signs, etc. And that is exactly the reason why I want to do it this way; by talking things over in an e-mail I can think about how to phrase things as best I can (and want) and I can spend time reading hers and trying to understand what she really wants to tell me, considering she's on my side. For me, facial expressions, eyes, non-verbal communication, a look at the clock, etc. can disturb me. In an e-mail, this cannot happen. I know she wants to support me and I know she's on my side; by reading her e-mails I can focus on that and do not get hurt by "side effects" (i.e. wrong look at the wrong time) that really don't mean anything but that I might take as: "she's not listening" or something like it.
When I read that you like writing and do it a lot, I thought, why not write. Why not bring a letter for example; it does not have to be addressed to her or have any particular format. But maybe just write down your thoughts as you do here. And hand it over to your t. once you have one. Let her read it and see how it goes from there. Maybe you can find an agreement of her replying in writing while you're there with her (if you want that); you have a choice!
Also, about choosing a t. I have always refused to accept bad treatment from doctors, etc. or a (prospective) t. as well as having a bad feeling, "bad vibes", about a person I need to trust to make progress. In my country, therapy is covered by the national health insurance plan, which I am very grateful for. You are allowed 5 sessions with each t. (up to three usually, if you can explain why they weren't suitable, more) to find out if (s)he is good for you. So, I made use of that. This way I found two excellent ts, one of which I have returned to after six years away (from the city). Back then, in our first few years of ptsd therapy, she had given me an image I had remembered: she said that when learning how to walk, children must make the experience that they can always, in any circumstances, come running back to their parent in order to build up trust in themselves. When I was away in another part of the country after another trauma, I thought about that and sent an sms to her number (not knowing if she still had it) just saying "I need your help. Can I come back (generally speaking, details to be discussed)?" She replied: "Yes, generally speaking. Let's talk." Holy, I'm about to cry. Okay, so, now I am crying. ;-)
There are some really "good" ts. out there who have decided to share not only their professionalism but also parts of their private lives and who build up your trust by giving you what others did not. Just knowing I'm going to see my t. again on Monday makes me want to hug her. Haven't been ready for that in ages, but maybe it's time.
All the best for you finding your own way.
- Post starter
- #36
S
sharky
So, Prime-no, I had some things I was going to quote that you said, and then I realized I wanted to quote almost all of it! I need to start off by saying, although I am VERY grateful for everyones input and advice, the realizitation that I would actually have to tell my therapist is very stressful and makes me anxious. I had already been thinking of making a list like Medicsw had suggested, but even that is really daunting. Because I still know I will have to go in and explain it all.
I've never known if anyone actually felt the same way, about how much easier it is to type/write something very emotional(or emotionally disturbing) and then giving it to the person, rather than the virtually impossible (for me) to just straight up tell them to their face. I mean, I sent my boyfriend an email of what happened to me, and I still avoid and will get up and leave the room of he gets too 'invasive' with his questions. Or like how we got into a heated debate over 'sex on t.v.' and I couldn't handle it anymore because all I was thinking about was rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. He got a little ticked because I was basically like, "f*ck you," and left the room(that's not actually what I said). But I do not hold any of that against him, he's never dealt with someone who has PTSD, and he was not educated on the subject.
Even when I FIRST gave him some 'insight' of what had happened (which was literally almost just the words 'I was abused by a previous boyfriend') I had to tell him through text while he was temporarily living in Los Angeles. That was when he firt suggested to me that I had PTSD (though he's not educated about it, he is a very good researcher). But he's been home for eight months now, and we haven't talked about it once. We both avoid the subject - until recently. Which was definitely pushed, not only by my worsening symptoms, but also by the fact that on one of the nights I was feeling rather horrific, I found this website. I have gotten so many questions answered about myself, or answers that have been able to lead me to a better understanding of myself and what happened. I've actually been remembering more recently, and I think it's because talking on here has opened so many doors for myself. Especially in the area of plain 'acknowledgement' of the trauma, and that a lot of the things I do as a result of that, I am not even close to being alone.
So I am really going to utilize what you just said, because it works for me in so many ways. This is going to be at the top of my list of things I want out of a therapist (everything you said) and that they can't just read it, and then come to me and say, "Okay so what happened to you was (goes into detail)" or something like that, because then I would only shut down and like you said, I probably wouldn't go back either. Talking about it in person, especially in depth, makes me want to hide under a rock and never come out. So this is really important, and I didn't even think of it as an option before. So thank you. <3
I've never known if anyone actually felt the same way, about how much easier it is to type/write something very emotional(or emotionally disturbing) and then giving it to the person, rather than the virtually impossible (for me) to just straight up tell them to their face. I mean, I sent my boyfriend an email of what happened to me, and I still avoid and will get up and leave the room of he gets too 'invasive' with his questions. Or like how we got into a heated debate over 'sex on t.v.' and I couldn't handle it anymore because all I was thinking about was rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. He got a little ticked because I was basically like, "f*ck you," and left the room(that's not actually what I said). But I do not hold any of that against him, he's never dealt with someone who has PTSD, and he was not educated on the subject.
Even when I FIRST gave him some 'insight' of what had happened (which was literally almost just the words 'I was abused by a previous boyfriend') I had to tell him through text while he was temporarily living in Los Angeles. That was when he firt suggested to me that I had PTSD (though he's not educated about it, he is a very good researcher). But he's been home for eight months now, and we haven't talked about it once. We both avoid the subject - until recently. Which was definitely pushed, not only by my worsening symptoms, but also by the fact that on one of the nights I was feeling rather horrific, I found this website. I have gotten so many questions answered about myself, or answers that have been able to lead me to a better understanding of myself and what happened. I've actually been remembering more recently, and I think it's because talking on here has opened so many doors for myself. Especially in the area of plain 'acknowledgement' of the trauma, and that a lot of the things I do as a result of that, I am not even close to being alone.
So I am really going to utilize what you just said, because it works for me in so many ways. This is going to be at the top of my list of things I want out of a therapist (everything you said) and that they can't just read it, and then come to me and say, "Okay so what happened to you was (goes into detail)" or something like that, because then I would only shut down and like you said, I probably wouldn't go back either. Talking about it in person, especially in depth, makes me want to hide under a rock and never come out. So this is really important, and I didn't even think of it as an option before. So thank you. <3
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