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I'm stuck...

but everything hurts
Yup. Hello fibromyalgia! I really struggle with exercise some days, because just getting dressed hurts. But in all honesty, all that we need to do on those days? Is put on a pair of shoes and walk for 15 minutes in one direction, then turn around and go home.

I’ve done that in my pjs to make it happen some days. Exercise, just walking, has very solid evidence to benefit mental health. On the current evidence, it’s more effective at treating depression than any antidepressant currently on the market.

Thing about these self-care things? Is that if you spend half an hour doing exercise, and you spend half an hour doing relaxation, you don’t actually lose an hour of work time. You get more done, because your brain chemistry is better able to focus and work when you do sit down at the desk.
 
Hello fibromyalgia!
Maybe. How do I know the difference between my body gets in knots and hurts when I'm stressed/etc. and fibro though? Was never sure, just like you don't get the difference between a really sad mood for a bit and actual depression until you actually experience them...
Always thought I just have some physical changes, like I'm more sensitive to mental stuff or something: sometimes my joins hurt for no reason (and I'm 34 but this has been happening for years) and if I workout too much or get super stressed or after flashbacks and intense times, my body just hurts everywhere like something ran me over and I get super fatigued. There was intense anxiety time when I'd get sleepy, fatigued and in pain so frequently I tested all thyroid markers and few more and everything came up normal...

Current update:
I'm struggling through productive yet awfully depressed days which is rarely the case (usually I give into bad days until I resurface again or selfcare until I feel better and being productive comes naturally)
I had 6 work tasks set for the day and at the end of it I'm almost done with 2 only. I'll push my bed time and maybe finish 3... but I'm still way behind on the deadline.
Yes, it took me time to achieve that level of productivity, but neither my client nor my landlord care that I'm this depressed. With the client I can push more, landlord however not so much. Planning to move to cheaper place with roommates but in the meantime this is where I'm at. I'm looking for resources for free mental health, food and other services, but in the meantime, that's where I'm at. I need this pay.

And honestly having a FULL overview of my last 10 work years in tries of changing my current position is really, really UGLY. I'm not sure how to not be at war with myself, how not to feel guilty and crushed over the situation I'm in at the age I'm in right now. I'm doing my best though. CHANGE is a dirty business. I'm still trying. It scares me, but I am.
 
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