Immediate Relief: Crowds

[youbetsya]

So many great coping skills! I don't leave home unless I HAVE to- like 4 times this year (pretty sad to admit)

 

[a3a2]

I do my best to avoid parties, movies, weddings, etc. I hate them and immediately feel judged as someone else here mentioned. These type of events leave me feeling completely drained. I often spend some amount of time hiding in the bathroom trying to catch my breath. I usually try to find someone who looks like I feel...way out of place...and strike up a conversation with them. I'll give the coping skills mentioned here a try.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Now, 1 1/2 years after posting this, my life is MUCH better!

Crowds generally no longer bother me. Nor parties, theatres, museums, art galleries, work meetings, presentations, trainings, etc.

Just about every venue that used to make me sweat - and want to run from - has been confronted, over and over again.

I have a firm self of my boundaries of self. My boundry of where 'I' end used to feel non-existent, and hence, the power I gave others over me was profound. I'm on the journey to take that back.

Here's what I did....

• accepted that it would be probably unpleasant the first few times
• practiced my distress tolerance skills
• put into practice my CBT skills
• kept tweaking them with the help of my CBT counselor to be the most effective for me
• chose one venue of avoidance as it came up, and committed myself to going and staying as long as I could
• I'd go (to movies, plays, ball games, library, shopping, restaurants, parties, etc.) and not let my fear/anxiety keep me imprisoned at home
• ....and, I would try to be near safe people, and just look at them, or listen to conversation, or try to experience all the feelings inside me. I'd listen to the memories they were calling up. I'd tell myself "Yes, this feels unpleasant (decatastrophizing) but I can do this."

...and after a single session sometimes, or several sessions, the 'trigger switch' to turn on my fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses just...dissipated.

I'm now convinced that CBT really gave me the tools to be able to handle anything, though I still feel the unpleasant feelings at different levels of distress. But I don't let those stop me from living my life now.

Usually, I end up having a much better time than I anticipate.

I now know those warnings in my head (catastrophizing) all possible negatives that could occur usually turn out to be VERY wrong indeed.

I've had some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Without my PTSD sending me into CBT and DBT, I'd never have had the willingness to confront my bizarre beliefs and change them.

What I think other people's thoughts about me no longer matter to me. My T. told me over and over that we all begin with a blank piece of paper when we meet another. They don't know us and we don't know them.

...but that I was writing so many negative things on mine before even giving them a chance to get to know me, I would assume they already didn't like me based on what I was writing on that paper.

As I like myself more, and have a more compassionate stance towards myself...I don't write nearly so much on that paper. I'm able to envision them possibly liking me, possibly not, but I realize their opinions about me are a reflection on what they are writing on THEIR own paper. Most of which probably has nothing to do with me. I can give people a chance now.

I'm excited at the prospect of continuing to conquer my fears and live life to the fullest.

My PTSD has become the vehicle to finally leaving not only those traumas behind, but gaining new skills & strengths that make the possibilities of my life far less limited than ever before.

 

[a3a2]

You are awesome, Bloom!!!!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

I did it!!!

An event that I had panic attacks at the past three years was last night. I was able to go, enjoy myself, and actually speak with some friends while the kids hit the bouncy houses and booths.

...and it was BUSY!!! Crowded! I kept getting bumped, but I felt safe.

It was my hubby who needed escape. :>

I'm SO glad I've made myself push past my comfort zone, because that zone is getting MUCH bigger!

 

[BloomInWinter]

I use this sometimes when I'm standing alone or feel anxious. I grab my phone, and pretend I'm having a conversation with a good friend. Or, if I want to feel more confident, like I'm solving a problem at work.

Nobody else knows or cares, but I feel better. :>