General Impending Huge Trigger... :(

[adriftatsea]

So my husband (sufferer) got into a big fight with his dad last year and hasn't spoken to him since. He's cut him out, but his dad just (and most recently) won't give up trying to get in contact with him and will not give my husband any space.

My husband isn't able to tell his dad about his trauma because it's just very messy and there's no telling how he would react or what the situation could turn into, whether for better or for worse. My husband gets triggered really bad even from when his dad tries to text him or leaves him a voicemail, and he wants to tell him to give him space and just let him be, but he's afraid he'll dissociate and go into a rage or if his dad will just push and push until he does tell, which he's not ready to and not sure if he ever wants to.

Long story short he ended up knocking on our door this morning, he doesn't know where we're staying, and I''m sure just came to talk to his mom (which is where we're staying), but when I looked out the peep hole and saw him I started getting angry and panicky. My husband didn't wake up while he was knocking, and he eventually left.

I really wanted to go out into the hallway and tell him to leave his son alone and if he loves him, he'll give him the space he needs, but then I wasn't sure if he'd try to barge into the apartment or if he would just leave politely. I couldn't risk him coming into the apartment because of my hubby, so I just stared out the peep hole.

Now I have to tell my hubby when he wakes up and I'm terrified, because he was just starting to feel normal after being triggered last month from his dad from a birthday phone call. He just started talking about trying a new therapist with a new kind of therapy, had me go ahead and make him an appointment with his psychiatrist he just started seeing and now I'm afraid he's going to retreat back into flight mode and want to run anywhere but here since his dad showed up. I'm afraid he's going to retreat back into not wanting to leave the apartment.

I just needed to vent and if anybody has any wellwishes/prayers/thoughts coming our way I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Good Luck @adriftatsea... that is hard. An unexpected trigger is terrible, but the ones that you know are coming seem worse.

 

[adriftatsea]

Thanks @Sweetpea76 . Yea knowing I have to tell him makes it feel worse.
After I told him he just went and laid down so I just went and sat with him. Time will tell how he handles this, but I just have a feeling the next few days (or likely longer) are going to be tough for him.

I'm kind of kicking myself in the butt for not realizing I could have locked the door behind me when I went out to confront him, but I didn't think about it at the time.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow... his dad sounds like he has no respect for boundaries. His actions are harassing and out of line. I am moved by your heart and concern for your husband. Sounds tough for you both. :hug:

 

[adriftatsea]

Yea he just won't go away. I'm proud as my hubby has handled it pretty well. I've offered phone him myself and give him a piece of my mind and tell him to leave him alone, but the hubby doesn't want me to do that for him. But maybe, just maybe he'll eventually take the hint. As my husband said he does feel bad for his dad because in a way he doesn't really understand why he's been pushed away, but at the same time doesn't think he will give him space if he asks him again to just leave him alone.