In A Bad Spot. Trying To Pull Myself Out.

[Snowflake]

I am thinking of you @Justmehere - You are so loved here. Sending you hugs... (((((((((Justmehere))))))))))

 

[Powder]

To be a master of any kind, you must first "fail, and fail, and fail."

So first, good work! If you try and fail, then you are pushing yourself to do more, and you are growing. If only everyone would be brave enough to do this.

Second, I agree with those above that flashbacks have a number of side effects, and one of the main effects is a sudden desire to die or stop this pain, (same impulse).

If someone says they are having flashbacks and did not report feeling suicidal feelings, then I would doubt they were having full blown flashbacks or their PTSD diagnosis.

You need not accept labels and shame from a "doctor" who is clearly ignorant of PTSD or your condition. You may set a boundary with that person. It is not your job to wave a magic wand and turn a over-educated morons who think there is no information outside of their own brains into brilliant healers with empathy and a capacity for personal growth.

Your dog is wiser than the doctor. :) The dog is telling the truth.

Hugs if you want some,

Muse

 

[Go Hungry]

You haven't failed. Your doctor failed. Badly. It was very unprofessional of them to shame you for your symptoms. I would probably look for someone else, to be honest.

 

[Sideways]

Just sitting with you JMH. It gets better. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, because your tag line is right - courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it just curls up with its dog and gets through, one minute at a time.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

JMH, you've been hurt so badly. You deserve compassion and empathy, not shame. If you're able, try to consider how you would feel if one of us had written this thread, and then try to give yourself the compassion that you would feel for any of us. Because that's what healing is all about - self-compassion. :hug:

 

[mamachick]

JMH-you support everyone else so much, I am glad you have shared this with us. You always have the right words to say, and I wish I did right now. You are so brave, and the consistent suicide thoughts make us feel crazy, that does not mean it is reality. I know we loose that reality during and after such flashbacks, its temporary and its no crazy. It is normal for abnormal life circumstances. Im glad to hear you are taking one hour at a time. You are right, and you can deal with tomorrow-tomorrow. ((((((justmehere)))) Hang in there and lean-when you're not strong. Your strength will return.

 

[Justmehere]

I aw my theorist yesterday and I'm really struggling with talking about this. Words evade me... But sadness and anger are not leaving me alone.

I saw my therapist yesterday and that helped, but I'm scared she is losing hope. She gave me a million reasons why she isn't. I need to stop listening to the lies depression tells. It's just hard.

I'm re-reading this thread today, because I don't know where my hope for my life went and I'm trying to find it. I feel so alone. Trying to stay connected to people offline and you all here too is helping.

Thank you all.

 

[scout86]

You are not alone. :hug:

 

[hodge]

I just lit my candle again for you, JMH.

Okay, good, you know the lies depression tells. You heard your therapist give you all the reasons she is not giving up. You know how much all of us here value you and see all your great qualities as a person, and I'm sure your offline friends are as well. I'm so glad you're trying to stay connected. That's a biggie.

I know how hard the sadness and anger are to deal with. And I know how hard it is to talk about them. Unfortunately, I don't know of any way out than through. I'm praying for you to get through this, if that's okay.

 

[mamachick]

I am glad to hear that you know the lies that you hear. I also know how it feels to wonder where my life went. I am so glad you are sharing on this site and challenging the lies. That is the foundation to move forward.

 

[ButterflyBean]

She gave me a million reasons why she isn't.

This! Do you think you can list some of the reasons she isn't losing hope or giving up on you? I'm not saying you have to believe them, because I imagine that right now, believing that you are worth it is hard, so I'm not asking you to. However, there is a method to my question. You also said that seeing your therapist was helpful. Can you pinpoint why or how your session helped? Was it what she said, how she said certain things, or just being with her, etc? My second question might be harder to answer, or even impossible at this point, and that's okay. I want to help you compile a concrete list of resources and possible reasons to keep going. Believing can come later, with time, but sometimes having a concrete list to look at and refer to gives your brain a distraction and something solid to focus on.

I'm not expecting you to believe what I'm going to say next, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. It may not feel like you have moved anywhere toward being out of the rabbit hole but you have. Somewhere in this thread you said that you couldn't reach out to your therapist, but you went to your session, and I consider that reaching out. I don't know if you shared all of, or the extent to which, you're in a really rough spot, with your therapist, but you had a choice. You could have canceled the appointment, but instead you chose to let her in, even if it was just a little bit. I'm proud of you for that!

I also want you to know that there are many people on the forum, myself included, who are here to support you in any way we can. Now it's time to be gentle with yourself, feel whenever you need to feel, and be however you need to be in each moment.One day, one moment, one breath at a time @Justmehere. We are on your side and here for you!

 

[Abstract]

Hi Justmehere,

I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. Its not your fault and it is his - the shame belongs to him and you don't deserve it.

No need to answer but is this connecting to anything specifically from the past?

Sending you calming healing energy.