Sufferer In bad place, dissociation and intrusive thoughts after sexual assault

[Healing Hugs]

I just wanted to say hello to everyone.

I wrote a lengthy post in the Sexual Assault forum under the same name before I registered as a member. I'm basically here because I've been having a meltdown and it has ruined my life completely. I've been dissociating quite a bit and having intrusive thoughts constantly about getting assaulted by a gang of men, stuff I couldn't remember before.
Today I've spaced out quite a bit and I am having extremely negative thoughts about myself, telling me I'm just a whore and a loser. I also keep drinking quite a bit and I'm just so worried about my self, I shouldn't be drinking on my medication but I can't stop myself because I feel so miserable. I need to get help but I'm scared so I keep putting it off.

Anyway, hello. I wish today was a good day but it just isn't. I hope there are some of you having a good day.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Welcome.
I’m so sorry to hear of your current situation. You’re right, you really shouldn’t be drinking with taking your meds. You’re in the right place though; there’s a lot of support here.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug:

I'm sorry to hear about all the stuff that happened to you

I hope you find peace and support here, you are not alone

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

Ground all that you can. One of my favorite grounding tools when I’m really overwhelmed with dissociation or other symptoms is holding ice or other safe strong sensations like sour candy. It can snap me out of the past and lower my fight/flight/freeze response.

:hug:

 

[Sweetleaf]

I'm in a pretty similar place myself, but without the drinking. When I did drink, around when I ended the situation I was in, it just exacerbated things and made my emotions go all over the place. It would be wise to find other things to distract you. If you play any musical instruments, those are great things to distract because they absorb so much of your focus.

Are you in therapy? If not you should definitely seek help in that regard. I know firsthand that it's not an easy thing to do, but having support really helps. Finding support groups is also helpful. I'm in a trauma-sensitive yoga group and it's really helpful. Last time I went home feeling great, super relaxed, and in the present. See if you can find any support like that, where you live.

The sexual assault aspect of my trauma is the most difficult one for me to deal with, and I have a lot of negative cognitions revolving around it. I have flashbacks of especially horrible occurrences of rape, and lots of intrusive thoughts. I don't have much to add to the conversation, but I want you to know you're not alone in having to deal with the aftermath of having such horrible things done to you.

Today isn't a very good day for me, either. It's actually been really difficult, I had a really hard therapy session which has stirred up a lot of disturbing things.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I did the whole drinking thing at first.

Hopefully you’ll get to a point (pretty quickly) where you realize that drinking doesn’t help. You don’t want to go down the dual diagnosis path.

 

[Healing Hugs]

Thank you so much for the support and advice. My day got a little better after my husband came home and gave me a hug. I'm going to try and stop the drinking because I know it makes my life feel more out of control, and I shouldn't be drinking full stop. I'm on a waiting list to see a counselor but I'm going to go and see my doctor tomorrow, to try and get in some help hopefully sooner than the 8 month waiting list I'm on at the moment.

I'm in a pretty similar place myself, but without the drinking. When I did drink, around when I ende...

I'm so sorry to hear you've had a bad day too.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I'm so sorry to hear you've had a bad day too.

It's okay, seeing your thread made me feel a bit better in that it helped me feel less isolated and alone in dealing with this.

My day has gotten better, at least. I'm not in a panicky constant-intrusive-thoughts state anymore. Managed to distract myself enough, hopefully it holds.

 

[flowerapple]

Welcome to the forum!

When it happens to me I find having food that I enjoy or coffee helps, so I just always travel with sweets. Also try tensing and relaxing your muscles from your feet and work your way up to your head. I find that helps because it is making me aware of my body.