Instinct vs flashbacks

[Gs172003]

Ok so I met the guy. I still have the same feeling. My husband thinks it's because that's what I expect. Does that make sense?

 

[Whirlwind]

How do you know if you are being wary because your insticts are kicking in or because of a flashback? Is there a way to differentiate between the two?

Based on what you have shared so far, I'll further complicate things by adding what you describe also sounds like anxiety.

Any chance there is something else going on and you are anxious in general? Just a thought as it reminded me of a situation where I felt very concerned and I was looking in one direction but the real issue was somewhere else...I just couldn't accept it yet.

Ok so I met the guy. I still have the same feeling. My husband thinks it's because that's what I expect. Does that make sense?

Yes.

Does she have a history of choosing poor partners etc? But if she is imminent marriage, not much you can do at this point, nor should you. But your concern is caring and worst case you will be there, that is worth more than you know.

Best, Whirlwind

 

[Gs172003]

.Yes

Does she have a history of choosing poor partners etc? But if she is imminent marriage, not much you can do at this point, nor should you. But your concern is caring and worst case you will be there, that is worth more than you know.

Best, Whirlwind

No she was with the father of her child until now and he was great but she left him for this guy. But...

I have a history of doing something similar of what she did except her dad wasn't great and the guy I left him for was even worse. I had three kids in tow and that's as far as I can go with this. Sorry.

 

[EveHarrington]

Gut feeling. Uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. It’s uncomfortable, but doesn’t cause over the top reactions.

Flashback. ALWAYS an overreaction to the immediate situation at hand. It’s always an over the top reaction to what I’m experiencing.

 

[grit]

The difference is as you mentioned this reminds of you of something about your own marriage. IT REMINDED YOU.

So let us say this, what if you never had that experience and yet this this new guy still hurts the daughter and her child.
You see what I did there. The future experience will happen regardless of your own experience or lack of it.

regardless of your experience, this experience is different.Even if it ends up just like yours, it is still different because your experience and this experience, there is no connection except your thoughts.

Just acknowledge your thoughts, fears, anxiety and talk to therapist about it so you do not waste valuable energy on it.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Zoogal - you actually have no evidence to rely on and you are extrapolating your experience into the future and your daughter and grand-daughter's future. Similar to mind reading and fortune reading in terms of reliability. Would you rely on that for important stuff?

Are you anxious because your daughter is marrying someone you don't know? Anxiety?

 

[hithere]

you might have an actual gut reaction that is correct, by observing certain things that others would not see, but you see because you've been in that situation. you may be seeing something in your daughter that you recognize.

 

[grit]

you might have an actual gut reaction that is correct, by observing certain things that others would not see, but you see because you've been in that situation. you may be seeing something in your daughter that you recognize.

Hi Hithere,

I liked your comment because you were extremely validating and supporting but on another level, I was little taken back. If what he sees cannot be seen by others and even if he shared with the daughter and she does not agree, there is a possibility that it is only the poster who sees this and that means it is his subjective reality based on his own lenses from the past and not shared-reality based.

What may look like violent sexual encounter to one may look a passionate love making to another.
If truly the poster feels and has proof this man is predator, there is no discussion, this matter becomes crime and one should report it asap. But having a feeling about something does not make it likely it will happen.

For me the bigger picture was the poster should trust the daughter is smart enough to make decisions. I am learning that a lot of times we PTSD sufferers over-care because we are thinking everybody is like us - on the way into the arms of predators. But not really. A lot of people are not and never been and do not need our childish care-taking to show we care when in fact it is to control their environment as much as we are controlling ours for safety.

Hope this opinion makes sense? I am in the grip of PTSD myself today.

 

[blackemerald1]

Completely agree with you @grit.

But even if he was a predator (and somehow @Zoogal could mind read or foresee real events) without EVIDENCE she can do nothing.

Since I know nobody has mind reading or future telling with 100 % reliability in these areas. Likely she will isolate her daughter and grand-daughter away from her and further into his arms. That's not good even if he's not a predator. Daughters who are about to marry someone don't generally like being told about feelings or instincts which are like this. Ugh.. be careful @Zoogal !!

 

[Gs172003]

Thank you all