Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Sethe]

Run away. Run FAR away!

You deserve to have someone in your life who RESPECTS and APPRECIATES you.

This guy obviously does not.

Sometimes it takes time to find somebody. Are you in a hurry?

There's nothing 'wrong' with you (maybe with some of those guys you dated, but not you). Appreciate yourself for what you have to offer the world and your kids. Spend time with them and friends.

Treat yourself with respect. You deserve it. You don't deserve to be thrown under the bus or be some dumbass's chew toy.

 

[njray]

AHHH I am injured (physically and mentally) , unemployed, living with family... and barely educated (HS grad but college challenged) . I worked physically and mentally hard and had some really kewl successes but they were often abolished in part by my disorders and became failures to me. I was taken advantage of and took advantage of others........ I am not perfect DOLT but in that I say because of my recent discoveries and knowledge gathering there might be an explanation for some of my faults (not excuses).

I need to address (continuously) these disorders and it will be a forever a challenge for me to manage these disorder symptoms. Oh well !!! The cards I have been dealt. It has taken me 45 years to discover them and 3 plus years to acknowledge them and I am going to have as much fun? in managing them as I can ( I am tired of low self esteem issues because of these disorders) . My #1 goal is not to hurt others during my quest of successful mgmt. In fact I often warn people now of me. Why because in many ways I seem normal and in fact can show signs of brilliance but unless someone keeps me reigned in I often swerve over the lines. NOI have not killed anyone but I have caused them undo harm just s I have been harmed.

My personal belief is keeping what I am about out in the open. If others are bothered by it they are ignorant IMHO. Just like I was. I have grown and I continue to grow everyday and I hope to continue to always grow and that often means by gathering information. Sometimes the way I digest knowledge is difficult because of my specific disorders and there symptoms they have pressed upon me. Crap sometimes just reading a post and responding to it can take me 5 hours for a 5 word answer and other times when I am in a good place my responses actually makes some sense and might offer some good insight.

I have been intimately involved with some great people that really would be good for me but I just could not have filled all there needs and visa versa. Had I been in a better place (I will speak of only me) the relationships might not have started in the first place and or not finished the way they did. Again I cannot change the past I need to pick up my boot straps and move forward... Just like many of the significant others have.

That said again I need to move forward. Iin a better way and for me and my symptoms only being out there and exposed is best for me and all parties that choose to be around me. If you cannot handle me in honesty guess what you have been warned I tried to educate you and I am trying my darnedest to manage my issues.

I am easily influenced and drawn into persons that I can "BARTER" my skills with. I have some of value to certain persons but because of my issues I miss the ones that really can hurt me most (these persons are often of one with very obvious and unmanaged mental health behaviors ) but because I suffer greater executive function disorder issues they often come out on top externally. Again that was the past. I am going to be cautious in the relationships I move forward with but not short change me in what life has to offer even though I might not be mainstream. Again if I stick to the rule not to purposefully hurt others and advise them of my issues in full and make sure they are in understanding of them the best anyway I can explain I do not know what else I can do.

 

[ProductOfSociety]

Gloria, don't let a man get you down. It's his lost, not yours. You obviously have a lot going for you. People are always looking for love but most find it when they least expect it. Perhaps it is best that you aren't with this guy. You have listed many negative things about him. It seems as if you deserve someone a lot better than him anyhow. Keep your chin up and your feet moving forward. Things will get better.

 

[Gloria]

I'm already over it and on my way to Home Depot so I can stain my deck. But for a little while it triggered me but I like other people's experiences. Then we realize that finding the right person is probably the most difficult thing that you do in your life.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[njray]

Gloria,

I agree with POS just move on. You need to find someone that makes you happy. Do not change you to fit them or expect them to change to fit you. There are millions of men and woman out there. There is one out there (I suspect many) that fits what you are looking for. Be more confident in your self. Set bars but most important be honest to yourself in what you are looking for in another and then I suspect somehow someway someone will enter and rock your world.

I have decided to let things happen naturally for me. Crap I looked at my prior posts and i made myself a looser. Hey but that is ok I actually have many really great qualities but at this time in my life I need to fix some things and one is PTSD (When I say fix I mean get a better hold of my PTSD and ADHD). When that happens I feel confident the better of me will shine through and if true happiness at that time includes another it will happen. I am no way going to let myself again find happiness in another first before I find happiness in my self. I have in my past somehow let others entire happiness and needs superceed mine while I was broken because I did not know what I was looking for as I was in disrepair and really out of order. I will not let that happen again. I would like a partner that sees and knows all of me and fits me without me having to compromise my entire soul to make a perceived partnership. I will always have faults nobody is perfect but until I am capable of my self I cannot in no way be capable of sharing the real me with another.

Best of Luck Gloria.

 

[Gloria]

I've been in 12 step recoery groups for 25 years. I have met the most dysfunctional and selfish people that are married to the most caring and patient significant other. Then we have the marriages where all of a sudden, they love each other but aren't in love or some stupid reason. I did have a man that loved unconditionally and I was married to him for a long time. He died of alcoholism. I feel luckier than most. Good for you nray because like I always say there is no need for you put yourself down. You have the entire world to to that for you. Who compliments? Who encourages? Not many! But cut people down, everybody got to do it to somebody. If your heart is loving, then love will always find you.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

I have tried it again and now given up. Some of my friends did it and got rejected so many times that they got really upset. I don't why my friend was rejected. He's married, an alcoholic, chain smoker, no job, lives in a basement and is on probation. How could anyone pass up a gem like that!!?????:p

Me.... I have medical problems, my sons live at my house (which a lot of guys don't like) and I sleep with one cat and between 1-3 small dogs in my bed. I have joined a new website about medical problems and I am going to try to do everything I can to accept and manage the fainting and pain so I can live a somewhat normal life.

 

[mamachick]

I just cant find anything good about internet dating for myself. More power to those who meet their soul mates this way -lol. In some ways, I am very content not being in a partner relationship. Because of things that have happened to me I have withdrew from friends and eventually they stop calling. I do miss more socializing and being alone is not a good thing-I know that. Maybe I am just a better friend than partner anyway.

I think when we just focus on our own happiness and fulfilling our life in other ways, if a partner is suppose to be, they will be. We will meet them through doing what we love to do-if is work, a hobby, a health group, etc. I am just trying to remember what my passions were before all of this. For myself -Im not fulfilling my passions of work and hobbies, when I do and maintain that, then maybe Ill be ready

 

[Gloria]

Dear Brat,
Ain't it the truth? I am so triggered by my PTSD symptoms because of depositions in the last few weeks that I completely isolating. I do lose friends because I don't return phone calls and just disappear. Just so you know, we were hit with the worst storm I ever witnessed. My huge trees just snapped and the power was out for over a week and my cable was down. I wanted to call you so be expecting a call. I have not forgotten you my dear friend!
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

You must live near my sisters in the chicago area. I grew up there. I dont miss the winters but sometimes I do miss the area. Hope depositions are going well and if there is anything I can do-please let me know.

 

[Gloria]

I live almost two hours from Chicago. You are lucky to have sisters. I am so feeling sorry for myself today. My sister committed suicide four years ago. My brother committed suicide 35 years ago and my sons are my only family. Poor me! Then there are millions of children all over the world who are in the same boat - orphans and could be starving to death so onward I go.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[mamachick]

I am very sorry Gloria. My sisters do not talk to me though. Since I was the youngest child, they have been resentful of me for 50 years now. They were angry that they were forced to care for me when I was age 1 to 5, to make be a bowl of cereal or piece of toast. Because I was hungry, they called me brat. Our mother was depressed and in bed a lot. I loved my sisters very much and looked up to them. As we got older, it became apparant that nobody wants to change and get better and they want to still be my parent and abuse me. Brat is one of the best things they have said. They like it when I have been in an unhealthy relationship and think I should stay. When I went to college as an adult they said I was selfish. When I got my masters they got even worse. They do not like others achievements or success. Now my daughter is following my footsteps and in lawschool-they prefer family in rehab than higher education. It makes them feel superior. So they call my daughter a spoiled brat too.
Last year my sisters husband died unexpectently. I drove 7 hours and spent a week there. She wanted to come live with me but bring her dogs which I cant take care of. Long and short, after I spent about 10 k getting house ready, (she wont do steps), she screamed so much that I started having panic attacks and staying away from my home. I felt so bad for her but she refused therapy or any support group for grief or anything. She is full of rage and very bitter but I tried-she ended up going back to her house thank goodness. It is very sad but we are not related. They can not control me so dont like me.