Amy Miller
New Here
Hello. My name is Amy. I am coming up on a milestone in my life and that is I am turning 50! I live in Northern California and I am a mother of two grown sons and I have two grandchildren, whom I love and adore.
I am currently disabled, due to a work-related injury. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. The injury and the fibromyalgia keep me limited in doing most things that I enjoy.
I was diagnosed by a psychologist in 2007 while being incarcerated for compulsive and repetitive petty theft. I was very ashamed of my actions, but completed my 3 year probation successfully! I also had battled with drug addiction which was an on again off again battle for nearly 20 years. After going through many drug programs, including a long-term program, that didn't seem to work for me. Finally, after being incarcerated, I decided to go with a more spiritual way of delivering me from my obsession to numb myself through drug use. I am happy to say that is has worked. I have been clean and sober for 4 years now. Though, I had to make a conscious decision to remove certain people and associations from my life. I also had a strong support and a friend who insisted that I call her every day for the first year, I did it for two years and we are still friends and supports today.
I had put my children and my entire family through so much through my addiction and I am happy that we all have a good relationship through it all.
I still have lots of anxiety and try methods of my own like telling myself it is only for a moment. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I often times lie awake at night thinking of all the wrongs I have done and can't seem to get past them. They come up over and over again. Not everyday but enough to keep me from falling asleep at times. Sometimes my anxiety is brought on by family members and their pressures they put on me. They don't realize how they affect me, because they don't know about my PTSD. The psychologist says that my PTSD is caused by emotional abuse from my childhood that continued through my adulthood. As an adult, I made many poor choices with choosing partners. I often, not knowing, chose a partner that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. I made poor choices in friendships, because I wanted to be liked and accepted by all people. I would do or say anything to please them or make them laugh. I was also sexually abused as a 5 year old by a family member. I never spoke of it, until my mother forced me to get on the birth control pill when I was 13 years old. I even felt violated by the doctor because this was not my choice. Well after examining me, the doctor told my mother that I wasn't a virgin. I had never had sex. I had blocked out the molestation for so many years, but when my mother approached me with the news from the doctor, it all came rushing in. So I told her what had happened and she confirmed it with my doctor, he ended up telling her that the scarring tissue was very old. My mother believed me, what a relief, she ended up confronting the family member and telling my sisters about it. Two of my sisters insisted I was lying and refused to believe it. One sister confirmed what had happened by coming forward and telling our mother that she too was violated. One sister remained neutral. Because I literally blocked out the molestation for so many years, I couldn't understand why I felt uncomfortable around that family member years later and I also felt uncomfortable when in my dentist's chair because sometimes his arm brushed against my chest while working on my teeth. I don't think it was intentional because it happened before I developed.
I have good days and I have bad days. I am glad that I found this website. I hope to be encouraged. I really don't know how I was supposed to introduce myself and hope that it's not overboard, but I have never been in a forum and don't know what to expect.:unsure:
Good day to everyone.:D _
I am currently disabled, due to a work-related injury. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. The injury and the fibromyalgia keep me limited in doing most things that I enjoy.
I was diagnosed by a psychologist in 2007 while being incarcerated for compulsive and repetitive petty theft. I was very ashamed of my actions, but completed my 3 year probation successfully! I also had battled with drug addiction which was an on again off again battle for nearly 20 years. After going through many drug programs, including a long-term program, that didn't seem to work for me. Finally, after being incarcerated, I decided to go with a more spiritual way of delivering me from my obsession to numb myself through drug use. I am happy to say that is has worked. I have been clean and sober for 4 years now. Though, I had to make a conscious decision to remove certain people and associations from my life. I also had a strong support and a friend who insisted that I call her every day for the first year, I did it for two years and we are still friends and supports today.
I had put my children and my entire family through so much through my addiction and I am happy that we all have a good relationship through it all.
I still have lots of anxiety and try methods of my own like telling myself it is only for a moment. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I often times lie awake at night thinking of all the wrongs I have done and can't seem to get past them. They come up over and over again. Not everyday but enough to keep me from falling asleep at times. Sometimes my anxiety is brought on by family members and their pressures they put on me. They don't realize how they affect me, because they don't know about my PTSD. The psychologist says that my PTSD is caused by emotional abuse from my childhood that continued through my adulthood. As an adult, I made many poor choices with choosing partners. I often, not knowing, chose a partner that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. I made poor choices in friendships, because I wanted to be liked and accepted by all people. I would do or say anything to please them or make them laugh. I was also sexually abused as a 5 year old by a family member. I never spoke of it, until my mother forced me to get on the birth control pill when I was 13 years old. I even felt violated by the doctor because this was not my choice. Well after examining me, the doctor told my mother that I wasn't a virgin. I had never had sex. I had blocked out the molestation for so many years, but when my mother approached me with the news from the doctor, it all came rushing in. So I told her what had happened and she confirmed it with my doctor, he ended up telling her that the scarring tissue was very old. My mother believed me, what a relief, she ended up confronting the family member and telling my sisters about it. Two of my sisters insisted I was lying and refused to believe it. One sister confirmed what had happened by coming forward and telling our mother that she too was violated. One sister remained neutral. Because I literally blocked out the molestation for so many years, I couldn't understand why I felt uncomfortable around that family member years later and I also felt uncomfortable when in my dentist's chair because sometimes his arm brushed against my chest while working on my teeth. I don't think it was intentional because it happened before I developed.
I have good days and I have bad days. I am glad that I found this website. I hope to be encouraged. I really don't know how I was supposed to introduce myself and hope that it's not overboard, but I have never been in a forum and don't know what to expect.:unsure:
Good day to everyone.:D _
