Hi everyone,
I am hoping this site will help me shed more light on my recent PTSD diagnosis.
I've been in counseling for about 3 years off and on.
I lost my daddy to cancer when I was 22 and my mom died of a heart attack when I was 30. I was left to tend to the estate and sell her house and manage whatever money was left to split between my two older siblings who were dealing with this death in their own unhealthy ways. I was there when both of them died. I was the one mom called to come get her. I was alone when the ER doctor came in to tell me she was gone.
Once mom was gone I had to deal with grief, the estate, work, two children under the age of five, and my husband working full time and going to school full time. I never really had time to process anything.
I also uncovered the fact that as a child I witnessed a pretty abusive fight between my parents involving alcohol and a knife.
Once Daddy died of lung cancer my relationship with my mother turned into an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. It hurt my marriage and other friendships. She and I awaited for the next shoe to drop and waited for cancer to hit her as she was still a smoker. I got tired of riding the roller coaster with her and the one time where she felt bad and I decided to leave without "playing the game" with her, she ended up dying.
I am constantly afraid of something happening to one of my children. If they feel hot or cough at all I experience the tightness of chest, heart racing and sweaty palms. My therapist has given me breathing techniques, but I feel like this behavior has been rooted so deeply in me for so long I don't know what to do. I am exhausted and tired and just want to be normal. Where a fever doesn't send me to spirals. Where a cough doesn't make me think hospital. It doesn't help that my daughter had one tonsil larger than another and the pediatrician casually mentioned that it could be a sign of lymphoma. (The ENT says she 100% healthy, but still. Freak out.)
I guess I just need to know that I'm not alone. That this diagnosis is legit and just because I haven't been over seas fighting that I really do have PTSD.
Does anyone have similar experiences to mine? Anyone have any hope? Tips?
I am hoping this site will help me shed more light on my recent PTSD diagnosis.
I've been in counseling for about 3 years off and on.
I lost my daddy to cancer when I was 22 and my mom died of a heart attack when I was 30. I was left to tend to the estate and sell her house and manage whatever money was left to split between my two older siblings who were dealing with this death in their own unhealthy ways. I was there when both of them died. I was the one mom called to come get her. I was alone when the ER doctor came in to tell me she was gone.
Once mom was gone I had to deal with grief, the estate, work, two children under the age of five, and my husband working full time and going to school full time. I never really had time to process anything.
I also uncovered the fact that as a child I witnessed a pretty abusive fight between my parents involving alcohol and a knife.
Once Daddy died of lung cancer my relationship with my mother turned into an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. It hurt my marriage and other friendships. She and I awaited for the next shoe to drop and waited for cancer to hit her as she was still a smoker. I got tired of riding the roller coaster with her and the one time where she felt bad and I decided to leave without "playing the game" with her, she ended up dying.
I am constantly afraid of something happening to one of my children. If they feel hot or cough at all I experience the tightness of chest, heart racing and sweaty palms. My therapist has given me breathing techniques, but I feel like this behavior has been rooted so deeply in me for so long I don't know what to do. I am exhausted and tired and just want to be normal. Where a fever doesn't send me to spirals. Where a cough doesn't make me think hospital. It doesn't help that my daughter had one tonsil larger than another and the pediatrician casually mentioned that it could be a sign of lymphoma. (The ENT says she 100% healthy, but still. Freak out.)
I guess I just need to know that I'm not alone. That this diagnosis is legit and just because I haven't been over seas fighting that I really do have PTSD.
Does anyone have similar experiences to mine? Anyone have any hope? Tips?
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