Sexual Assault Intrusive Sexual Thoughts

[-Lark-]

These thoughts are what brought me to the forums. I can't have sexual fantasies unless they are abusive. And then my guilt over what turns me on makes me sick. Especially when i'd rather use my fantasies then enjoy my partner.

I can understand this completely. I'm finally in a non abusive non destructive relationship, but when we get intimate I feel like my thoughts about sex tend to drift toward the violent or rough side of things. I don't like that about myself either.
My first sexual experience was with my abuser, so I guess for awhile the only sex I had was violent. Maybe that what the others are saying is right, that our minds are trying to make it ok somehow?

 

[thisbejoe7]

I was physically and verbally and sexually abused as a child. I agree with one of the other responders who said that increased sexual drive is a common side effect of abuse. I know for me personally I have a monster sex drive and am wide open to trying almost anything even the taboo. I don't suffer from damaging thoughts or shame, but I don't think your situation is unusual. How are you coping with this?

 

[Go Hungry]

Yeah, increased drive is totally a thing. The thoughts going through your mind though don't make you a bad person. I've had terrible thoughts, visions of monstrous things going through my head for decades. They scared the absolute shit out of me when I was younger, because I thought they meant I was a bad person. But that's just not true. Remember always that at your core, you are a normal person who is trying to cope with monstrous events in your life. It may not seem like it's true, and it certainly doesn't feel that way, but PTSD is the bodies reaction to severe circumstances. Truth is if you went through it and were completely unfazed, you just wouldn't be human.

:hug:

 

[saraemerald]

This whole thread is exactly what I have been experiencing since I was in my late teens. I have always had sexually intrusive thoughts and fears and they really freaked me out and made me feel like something deep inside me was terribly wrong. What further confused me is I have experienced neglect and emotional and physical abuse and humiliation but I don't remember any sexual abuse. This confused me so much and I felt I had no reason to have these unwanted thoughts running through my head. This is one of the things that drove me to be the best Jehovah's Witness I could be so I could feel like a good and clean person. When the thoughts bothered me, I would ignore them, focus on something else, pray, read the bible, go for a jog or anything else positive I could think of to take my mind off them. I never told anybody ever untill my mid 20's when I was going through my first self-sabotaging period of my life.

 

[IceKween]

I completely experience this as well and find it so disturbing. It scares me. It helps to know that others experience this because it confuses me so much.