Intrusive Sounds In Session

[watundah]

Unfortunately, Im what they call a slow processor and never react that quickly to call her on it @barefoot. And Im fairly certain that I made such a big stink about it previously that she hasnt forgotten. I kind of resent the fact that my needs are forgotten or dismissed. But if I need to keep yammering to get through I shall, but perhaps in a less polite manner!

 

[barefoot]

Yes, I get that on the slow processor front - I'm the same. Very annoying as it means we leave sessions feeling not too bad, then go away and then it hits us and we then get to sit and stew for a week! ;-) But that's why I wonder if coming up with "next time I notice it happening, I'm going to say this" (i.e. A specific line that I've already thought out) might help?

And yeah, I guess she can't really have forgotten the previous conversation, seeing as it was quite an intense back and forth and then it resulted in you taking a month off!

Yammer away - she needs to get this sorted. And, as others have said, I'm sure you're not the only client of hers who is impacted by this.

 

[Teamwork]

I feel for you as I read this. In my situation my t has gone above and beyond many times to make it a safe place for me to come to. He has a phone in the space we work and it only had to trigger me once and from there on in he has made sure it is unplugged, air conditioner came on in the summer and scared me and he left the room and turned it off. He has removed a few toys from the play area that he picked up on were unpleasant to be around. It feels to me when he does these things that not only is he quite knowledgeable, as in I don't tell him everything that worries me in the space we're in, but he is also desiring what we practice, which is safety first.

 

[joeylittle]

And Im fairly certain that I made such a big stink about it previously that she hasnt forgotten. I kind of resent the fact that my needs are forgotten or dismissed.

Watch out for this, as you're getting into mind reading, here. Don't make assumptions about what she may or may not remember. I think @Friday put it very well - have a think with yourself over what you will and will not accept, how much you can tolerate, and have a dialogue about it.

I do understand it's upsetting. I get more easily startled when we are working in-session, and sometimes people coming in and out of the office is hard for me. There have been days when the guys who mow the lawn have been mowing, and I've needed to stop the heavy trauma work and do some more present-moment stuff. And my therapist is forgetful as well, occasionally forgets to turn off the alarms on his computer.

We've been able to address these things, though, in a way that I'm OK with. I remind him to check his alarms, if I'm worried about them going off. And if I jump at a door, he'll tell me what the next series of doors will be. The outside noise, I accept that it's just going to happen sometimes, and I've gotten more used to it popping up.

But all these things were good opportunities to establish better communication in the client-therapist relationship - which also included talking about my feelings, especially re: the computer noises, which I just found to be both insensitive and inappropriate. I had feelings about that, and it helped me to express them, and to work them through. On his side, he was so used to the sound that he didn't really 'hear' it anymore. On my side, it was the equivalent of me letting my cell phone go off in class, which I'd never, ever do. We have different opinions on that. But he has never argued that it's essential for him to leave the stuff on, he's grasped that I'm the client and my request is worth honoring.

He still forgets sometimes; but I don't - so, I remind, or he remembers, and it's all good.

 

[EmmaOwl]

establish better communication in the client-therapist relationship

This takes things a little off-path here, but my therapist used to practice in an office near some traintracks... Train whistles scare me. There wasn't anything he could do about it, and it wasn't a commuter train or anything - it was unpredictable.

The small advantage here was that my therapist observed my response to the train whistle - I become hypervigilant. It's helpful for him to see something that I could never have described.

BUT he's moved since then, and I am grateful for that. Therapy is hard enough without exposing oneself to extra triggers.

 

[Panda Bear]

My T moved offices a few years ago and the external noises changed. It was very hard for me to get used to and he repeatedly allowed me to express concern and distaste for the change. As long as I was polite. He really wanted me to pinpoint exactly why and now the noises bothered me. He knows they bother me!

The voices I can sometimes hear between the offices is rare, but a few times they have been in excess. He will turn on some white noise in his phone and put it on the table besides the loveseat where I sit. Now at times he doesn't realize how loud the voices are, and I have to speak up. I can't expect him to realize the level of noises is distressing. I need to continually voice my need.

It's only when we are working through some serious stuff and my senses are very heightened. Even though we've discussed it many times, he's human and needs reminding. Even after all this time.

I'd address it again....and I think a white noise machine is a great option. As well as the man leaving the garage.

 

[watundah]

Thanks.

The free range of the garage needs fixed in order for me to feel comfortable. And communication is a big issue; if she offers to make an effort to keep the guy away, then does, then doesn't, then doesnt explain the change. I feel as though I shouldnt need to repeatedly insist upon making her place feel safe. And she needs to communicate to me if her hubby simply cannot stay away. Open and clear communication is her job and I cannot accept that she forgot. Believe me, this was a big deal just a few months ago.

We'll see how things transpire. She responded that she is thinking about my email and we are to discuss the problems tomorrow. And all of that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I know I need reassurance that my needs matter, and if she makes excuses it will make things worse.

 

[watundah]

So she reaponded via email that the guy "only goes in and out of the garage to get and replace tools" and she claims she has tested to ensure we cannot be heard. And also put a lot of it on me as being overly sensitive to stimuli trauma survivor, etc. No responsibility taken on her side.

 

[joeylittle]

Hmmm.

Are you willing to take this conversation further with her, or do you think it's a deal-breaker?

It seems like there are 2 pieces: one, the practical considerations of addressing the noise and surprise factors. And two, how you are experiencing her minimizing/dismissing you.

The former strikes me as still having wiggle room. You can talk about shifting your appt time, white noise machine, background music...I'm surprised she isn't coming up with solutions, seeing as it's her workspace as well.

The latter will take time, if your goal is to get back to a working relationship.

 

[maurybrooks]

Bottom line is you need to feel safe during sessions. Are you feeling safe, no. T is not doing her job if you are not feeling safe.

 

[watundah]

The very first time I was there, I was dissociating and triggered by him going in and out below us.

Then she made a big show of not wanting him to come in either.

Now the story has changed.

I feel safe, when in an adult mind, I know no one is going to hurt me. It is more upsetting that the rules changed without my consideration. And I think that is a breach of trust.