Is closure all that important?

[UnicornSightings]

I have a few sessions left with the therapist that's leaving me. Anger is starting to set in a bit and she doesn't handle anger well. There is no conflict resolution there and never has been, in spite of me trying. So anger is forbidden. Really sucks for me and I don't really see the point in going ax and pretending I'm ONLY sad.

I'm grieving. People die all the damn time and leave people without the chance to say goodbye. And those people continue on with their lives. So really, how damn important is it really to say goodbye? I have an inner battle going on here. The only reason I WOULD go is that I'm committed to growth. But I think I would end up even more frustrated because any anger I did express, even in the kindest possible way she will shut down (I'm not projecting here, she's done it many times). So frankly, is it better to save my damn money and just buy something nice for myself and do my own grieving? I mean, it's certainly not like she's grieving. She told me it doesn't affect her.

 

[Chem Lady]

I'm not sure I can give you advice on your own situation, but I know that I HATE having to hide certain emotions or pretend to feel something I don't. I need to be real. My family only wants me in their life if I can say I feel fine. So I don't speak to them. If I'm angry then I need to say I'm angry.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I'm not sure I can give you advice on your own situation, but I know that I HATE having to hide certa...

Thank you. Me too! I don't want anger to be this thing I'm ashamed of. It's abnormal freaken emotion and you'd think my therapist would KNOW that. And I'm not a jerk, I don't call her names or try to be disrespectful at all. But if I disagree with her her demeanor completely changes. Ugh. I'm thinking of doing some kind of goodbye ceremony at home maybe. Like writing down everything and burning it or something. Thanks for your input.


*a normal not abnormal lol

 

[The Albatross]

"... is it better to save my damn money and just buy something nice for myself and do my own grieving?"

Eh nope, it is better for you to save your money and create a plan and strategy to implement to further you're healing.

To the thread title: Is Closure All That's Important
That would be no. That's not all that's important but as nice as closure is, there are times in life where there is closure and also no closure... but that doesn't translate into where your head went.

 

[Justmehere]

So anger is forbidden.

Anger is an emotion. Neither good or bad. It depends on what we do with it. You want to tell people you are angry. What's the goal you hope to achieve in this situation by telling her you are angry? I'm not saying it's good or bad.

She told me it doesn't affect her.

Ugh. That would hurt to hear.

I'd go once to say goodbye, not multiple times, not to continue work until she leaves, and instead work on using your money to find a new therapist to start seeing as soon as you can.

 

[Chem Lady]

Thank you. Me too! I don't want anger to be this thing I'm ashamed of. It's abnormal freaken...

I think that coming up with what works for you to close this relationship is a good idea. Whatever it is that helps you be true to your emotions and process them through.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I just don't want regret. I've never said goodbye before. I'm the one that ghosts people so I'm just curious if there's anything you actually GET out of goodbye? Expecially with someone who doesn't feel anything for you. Seems like it would cause unnecessary hurt. I've told her how hard this is for me and how devastated and alone I feel and she just stared at me, blank-faced. Like do I really want to put myself through more of that? I'm ok doing hard things but I'm wondering if in my desire to push myself, I'd be putting myself in a position to really be more traumatized for. Who tells someone they're not sad they're leaving? As a therapist wouldn't you at least convincingly lie and tell a long term client it's at least a little hard?

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I have a few sessions left with the therapist that's leaving me. Anger is starting to set in a...

In my opinion closure isn't so much about saying goodbye than it is about clarifying feelings and speaking your truth. Whatever you decide to do (go or not) it might be good for you (and for your therapist's growth) to let her know that you are having feelings of anger come up due to termination and you've felt as though she was dismissive towards it. Let her you know that you would have liked to be able to process the anger with her but didn't feel like you could do that. Now, that my friend, is called CLOSURE!

 

[Justmehere]

I feel and she just stared at me, blank-faced.

She didn't say anything at all to help you though this? Geez. If that's the case, and she's not even supporting you in these ending sessions, I change my opinion. If it's going to be just talking to a wall, send a letter to express what you feel and say goodbye.

Even better, find a new therapist now... they can help you walk through grieving this loss and moving on to the next chapter.

 

[UnicornSightings]

She didn't say anything at all to help you though this? Geez. If that's the case, and she's not even...

No, she's never said anything when I've been my most vulnerable. But she at least hasn't laughed and that's been really cool. What do other therapists say?

 

[Justmehere]

Have you seen or consulted with any other therapists?

It took me time consulting with a handful before I found the right one for me. One that could walk with me through my most difficult emotions, help me learn better ways to handle it and get my needs met.

The therapist that I went through a good-bye period with... I told her it really hurt and she said that's really understandable. She didn't really talk about herself at all, except to vaguely say that she would miss working with me. Professional. She wasn't a blank wall and she also kept the focus on me. She was there really hearing out my pain, validating that it was difficult, and helped me transition to a new therapist.

Is she even recommending any new therapists to go see? When a therapist in the US terminates care, they generally have to provide refferals or they are in danger of committing patient abandonment.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Have you seen or consulted with any other therapists?

It took me time consulting with a handful be...

I saw one therapist before her for a few months who I was attached to but who would sigh when I spoke and arrive 15-20 min late, canceled several sessions, yelled at me for fidgeting and for something else and just sat there, too. She also forgot my trauma. She was not good but I didn't really see that until I left. I had really no self-esteem when I saw her and just figured she was more important than me so she could treat me that way.... makes me cringe now.

Mine has said in an email that it was understandable that I was feeling these things and has said it makes sense given my trauma that blah blah blah whatever I said. That doesn't really do much for me. That doesn't help with my emotions. I don't know what I'm looking for but I'm just not getting it. And maybe therapists don't actually help with feelings and just watch you fall apart and laugh later but I wanted more. It sucks she's leaving and that I'm so attached and it sucks so much she doesn't care at all. At least if I was the one leaving it would be easier, I would think. I wouldn't be at her mercy.

I asked for referrals but she hasn't given them to me yet. Honestly I think I'll do things on my own for awhile.