This is an important issue I have run into often in North American culture. I personally disagree with her and could write a book about why. ;) But someone already has.
If you read The Sunflower: On the Possibility and Limits of forgiveness by Simon Wiesenthal, it becomes immediately clear in reading the over 53 responses in the book to the prompt, Did I do the right thing in not forgiving, that forgiveness is a most complex process.
From reading this book, which I found very healing, I learned there is no one definition of forgiveness. In fact, before our culture was born various Different cultures have held very specific, different definitions, values, processes, and timelines that they feel make up the forgiveness process.
You discover, if you as a reader are a Christian, culturally, or are influenced by the mainstream culture of North America or another Catholic or Christian cultural group, that Christians are the most pro-forgiveness and actually view "hasty" forgiveness, as a mental choice, as a positive action that is always beneficial for all involved. I personally view this as a culturally endorsed short cut that actually hinders deeper healing. I watched my mother "forgive" her mother over 100 times, and it never lasted, because it was a mirage. Choosing to forgive in order to feel better makes as much sense as choosing to buy size 6 clothing in order to fit into them. What is actually needed is the daily practice of beneficial, self-healing tasks that have immediate and lasting, cumulative healing benefits overall but offer no such flashy and tempting promises. I suspect you already know this, based on your question.
Other cultures do not value hasty forgiveness, but favor a slow, natural or interactive forgiveness process based on emotional health and socially-based conditional responses. In Judaism, the person who wronged should expect to go on the record as having apologized (admitted to hurting the other) and has to at least begin to make amends or repay damages to try their best to make it right.
If you think about it, this has the side benefit of helping the person who did the harm a chance to gain the communities judgment and subsequent forgiveness.
In my Christian culture, you do not want people to know you made a mistake or you sinned, especially against another. There is no coming back from that. Reputation, once damaged, cannot be repaired, not matter how hard you try. So, it became necessary to cover up most wrongdoings, and then it became expedient or necessary for those wronged to "suck it up" and skip all the steps straight to just "forgiving" the wrongdoer, for the good of all. See the problem? Well, that's how I see it. I don't know if others share this cultural assessment of my own culture (for adults anyway.)
I, too, am in search of closure and grace. I have found a kind of "forgiveness" inside the generosity of my own compassion, similar to Simon Wisenthal. I have been able to feel my anger and accept it, and to cultivate a sense of pity, understanding, and compassion for myself and for those who hurt me, but I do not find it appropriate to "release them" from the consequences of their unrepentant choices to do evil and to lie about it and hurt others. Their consequence is the removal myself and my family from their lives. So I have for years and through this moment, agreed that overt forgiveness in some cases is an attempt to circumvent the healing process, not a way to speed it up. Again, I watched my mother grovel to her abusive mother, and go through a Bipolar roller coaster of dysfunction because the forgiveness was not based on anything other than a mental choice on her part to want to forgive.
Healing must be genuine, and complete healing requires the interaction of beneficial others; I do not agree with Christianity's dictate to "just forgive" on one's own as if it were that simple because the reality is, it is not; the hurt was social, and the healing must also be social, not a simple choice. If one finds compassion inside oneself, practices it in social service ways, and regularly experiences the kindness of others, love inside can be applied in several applications of healing. The more it is retained for the self, the more one has to use to heal others. There is no need to apply all the medicine to the others and suffer oneself. Healing is a search, a series of change and choices, not one simple choice that supposedly offers so much benefit, like walking through some doorway into a magical world.
