Is It Even Possible For My Husband To Know What It's Like?

[Kramer]

He's a great guy, but sometimes he can be hard on me. He doesn't know, why sometimes I just can't do things. I'm not lazy, just exhausted and overwhelmed. I would love to be more productive.

 

[intothelight]

Best article is the PTSD cup. Share that with him and it will help him to understand.

 

[Lara C.]

People who have never experienced PTSD have no idea how disabling it is. I felt like you for a very long time ("lazy") but I know it's not laziness. Do you remember when you felt "productive"? I think that's what helped me.... knowing that I wasn't always barely able to function. We can be our own worst enemies sometimes.

 

[Jezzryn]

I don't think someone who never experienced it can really understand ptsd, depression and all that it entails, but they can inform themselves of the symptoms and to some degree find the ability to imagine and understand it, but mostly it will be theory for them. if they make the effort and try to understand. sadly most people just label 'lazy' or something and don't make the effort.

 

[Srain]

I have spoken about this with tdoc and although my husband is extremely patient and understanding about a lot of what goes on with me the cold hard fact is NO he can never get it, he never lived through what I have and would I want him to? No. Can we communicate better, yes. I believe, as has my tdoc suggested would help, that our problem sometimes is communicating. This might be the issue with your relationship. He may never totally understand but how he says things to you CAN change and how you COMMUNICATE how you are feeling can change so that he might understand better, does that make sense?

My husband and I are slowly working towards that place as I am understanding what has and is happening to me now in recovery therapy, which is different than being full-blown symptomatic, in my opinion it's worse.

The stress cup is good and there is thread on the Supporter site about relationships that is awesome. I also suggest looking up Peter Walk, PA online, he has some great reading there regarding PTSD.

peace,
Rain

 

[Kb3]

I've been through this and really feel for you Kramer. As good a person as my husband is, he is sometimes (ok a lot) unable to understand the relentless quality of PTSD, as well as the depths that trauma can take us to in the moment it happens and well afterwards. As such, he has interpreted my continuing symptoms in some less than helpful ways.

The things that have helped me are getting very good therapy, taking meds to help me sleep (in the beginning to help w/anxiety and depression too)and committing myself to my recovery in every respect.

By committing myself wholly to my recovery it meant that I had to challenge the way I spoke to myself and be more supportive to what I have been through. I don't call myself names anymore, or say I have bad intent when I know I'm doing the best that I can, given the circumstances. I am compassionately honest with myself, and if I need a break or am misinterpreting a situation I step back and give myself time and understanding. In short, I've become my own best friend:). This forum, and the support I have gotten from it, has been instrumental in my learning how to do that.

I have also recently instituted a policy whereby I don't discuss anything trauma related with my husband, because his inability to correctly support me was impeding my recovery. As difficult and unnatural as that feels, it is part of committing myself wholly to my recovery and it is the best solution for the problem right now.

When I feel misunderstood or can't be compassionate with myself, I have a little chat with God to get me through. I figure that if He can forgive me and love me, then I can do that too:). It also helped me forgive my husband for what I might consider his empathic shortcomings and not put too much pressure on our relationship by needing more than he can give. I understand that faith/spirituality are not everybody's thing, but it has been a huge source of strength for me, and I am very grateful for it.

I know the feeling of impatience with oneself, but healing from PTSD is process which must be worked through in it's own time. As you know, the usual rules of getting over it and moving on unfortunately don't apply:(.

I hope that you are able to get something from my ramblings, and that I haven't misinterpreted what you were saying or projected too much of my own situation onto yours. Good luck and (((((hugs))))) if you accept them.

 

[J'aime]

My fiace busted out the c-word on me the other night... No, not THAT word... haha. He called me "crazy", which enrages me. Having a disorder caused by extreme trauma is crippling at times...doesn't make us crazy. It makes us good people who had bad things done to us. Most of the time, my fiance is very supportive, but he has no idea what this disorder entails. He won't research it, because he thinks he knows everything about everything. Sometimes, he is so confused at my behaviors, compulsions, anxieties, that he writes me off as crazy.

This disorder is not widely well-understood, except by some very experienced mental health docs, and people who suffer from it. So I think our significant others sometimes lash out at us because they simply can't understand why our brains fritz out on us, and theirs don't. I suppose if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was hij and he were me, I would be very confused and frustrated that I didn't have the answers' solutions, or the right words sometimes. I try to be patient with him, knowing this...but they too, believe it or not, are (for the most part), patient with us. Iagine if you were in love with someone who would all of the sudden begin to cry, panic, wring their hands in anxiousness, have a flashback that you couldn't see, hear, or understand; it would be very confusing and scary.

Hang in there. I'm in this boat with ya. Let's grab an oar and row ourselves the hell outta' here together! ;) xoxo

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, I feel sorry for my husband having to deal with this, but also frustrated that he seems determined not to understand. I've printed things out for him, but his conclusion on everything he reads is that it's better to keep quiet than risk saying anything wrong.

Being told that it's all in my head drives me c****!

But I expect what goes on my head drives him that way too!

 

[Kramer]

Well put,Stenni:)

 

[Kramer]

That was all lovely and thought provoking. Thank you, all of you:)

 

[Sandstone]

I've noticed that since I've started to risk putting more detail on my posts here, I'm also getting better at telling my husband what is happening to me. That's an unexpected bonus.

Even better, thus far he is trying to ask follow up questions on what I say.

 

[Cassandra King]

I feel that no one but you can understand fully what you are going through hun. All I can really say is that he is most likely not dealing with the situation well either. Its hard for him as well, to see you suffer from something he can't touch or push away.